Unstoppable
by CMW2
Summary: AU STORY: Steph finally puts on her big girl panties and musters up enough bravery to go after the life that she wants and truly deserves;NOT FOR CUPCAKES OR MRS. PLUM FANS;Rated for adult situations;4th in my 2011 SSS Project; NOW COMPLETE!
1. Prolouge

**Author's Note: Okay, new fandom and new WIP, I'm ready! I've been bitten by the Janet Evanovich bug and I can't shake it loose. I've been trolling the archive for Babe stories (yet another OTP to put under my belt) and now, I want to play too. Now, I've only read **_**Sizzling Sixteen**_** but I've been researching (and trolling) long enough to cover the important stuff. This is an AU and it has a couple of JE fanfic staples that I've put my own CMW2 twist on. All right, let's have some fun. Here's the prologue and if you guys like, then an update will soon be at hand.**

**WARNING: I think Joseph Morelli is a chauvinistic, manipulative pig who deserves to be castrated with a rusty spoon, despite the fact that he is a fictional character. I also think that Helen Plum does not deserve the title of mother and I would love to see her be annihilated by a flaming meteor, despite the fact that she is a fictional character. These two characters will not be portrayed favorably in this story or any other one that comes to mind.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"_I'm sick of this, Cupcake! You just don't get it, do you? You live in the Burg! You are a Burg woman with Burg woman responsibilities! We're supposed to be married and on our fourth child by now but __**no**__! No, you have to run around with Manoso and his thugs, blowing up cars and dressing up like a two-bit whore and embarrassing me! Do you have any idea how much of an embarrassment it is to have Bombshell Betting Pools and have my fellow officers look at me like I'm less of a man every time you screw up? Well, that's it! Either you grow up and accept your role or we're done! Do you hear me? __**Done! **__See how easy it is to find someone else now that you've been passed around like a joint at a party…"_

"_Stephanie Michelle Plum, how could you do this to me? Joseph just announced that he was leaving you! Why me? Jessie Kanowski's daughter doesn't run off men or blow up cars or hang around with drug dealers…this is the last straw, young lady! I expect to see you at dinner tonight and we will discuss just what to say to get Joseph back…that is, if he **wants** you back after all you've put him through! Ugh, I don't even know why I bother with you! Always running around with your head in the clouds, spitting on the reputation that I've spent years building up! Ungrateful, inconsiderate child…"  
_

It had been six months since those messages had been left on her machine and when she felt like giving up, she remembered them. They had been intended to break her down, to make her yield and do what they wanted, to be little miss Suzy Homemaker and to make her give up all of her dreams of flying.

Instead, Stephanie Plum had thrown herself headfirst into reality. No more Denial Land and no more excuses. Her life was trash but she was no longer content to grin and bear it. She now realized that she deserved more and she **_demanded_** more. To get more, she had made four major changes in her life.

**First**, she had accepted a full time position at RangeMan. Working for Vinnie had been fun (well, 15% of the time) but there had been no structure, no stability there. Well, unless one counted Lula unnecessarily shooting people, Connie filing papers and her nails, and Vinnie doing Japanese porn worthy things with Joyce Barnhart and those poor farm animals. RangeMan provided health insurance (including dental), a 401k, paid vacation time (which she really needed to start using), a place to live, and most importantly, people who would do anything and everything to make sure that was safe, which led to the second major change in her life.

**Stephanie Plum, hopeless sweets addict and allergic to even the thought of exercise, had been in training.** Her day started at 5am sharp and ended at 9pm. She ran 5 miles with Ranger, she swam in the gym, she was at the shooting range with Bobby, she did weight training with Hal, Boot Camp work with Tank, and (although she was not supposed to tell anyone under threat of death), yoga with Lester. Hand to hand training was with all of them. Her diet that used to consist of copious amounts of Tastykakes and Pino's was now one that was heavy on fruits and vegetables and lean meats. Not that she had lost her taste for the old stuff but it was more special occasion than the standard. It had been paying off. No longer did she get winded after 10 minutes of a chase and no longer did she refuse to carry a weapon with her at all times. Don't get her wrong, she still hated guns with a passion but she would damn sure use one if the need arose. At times, outgunning a skip was the difference between life and death.

As was outsmarting one. **Change #3**: She was taking classes on computers and military strategy from Hector. Not only was she doing that, she was taking classes at the community college on Criminal Justice (which was appropriate considering her job). A good soldier (well, bounty hunter) was well rounded and had more than one trick to pull out of their hats. Plus, if they got hurt, then they would have something to fall back on. They had to be able to stand on their own, which was the core part of her final change.

**No more Burg.** Unless she was there on business, she stayed out. When her friends or her family (Grandma Mazur and Frank Plum were 100% behind her) visited, the only rule was no Burg talk. After the Voicemails, she had quietly but firmly cut off all communication between herself and the senders. Morelli hung around the house all the time, in cahoots with her mother to get her back (not that he really had her once the clothes came back on) and every time one of them tried to corner her, she'd ignore them or fabricate an emergency to get away from them. Ranger and the Merry Men understood and encouraged this bit of immaturity for now but she knew that she'd have to handle her mother and Joseph Morelli once and for all one day.

Little did she know when she rose before her alarm clock that sunny Monday, that the day had arrived.


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Man, I must be on to something here. Never have I had such a positive response just off of a prologue before! Usually, it takes about 10 chapters. It's pretty awesome. Okay, I want to say thank you to the people who suggested a little bit of tweaking with the details (5 hours of sleep **_**certainly**_** isn't healthy and I can't believe I got one of my favorite characters name wrong) and to all the reviewers and alerters and just the ones who took the time to read. It's really encouraging. **

**This story is going to in first person POV (a fanfic first for me) and the POVs will alternate where needed. Mainly, it's going to be in Steph's or Ranger's because this is their love story. Well, once I get Steph through the drama with Morelli, her mom, and the Burg, it's their story. Like I said before, this is very Morelli/Helen unfriendly and I have no shame in that.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

The alarm clock barely got through its first beep before I shut it off gently. The red numbers read 5:00 and out of habit, I let out a pitiful groan as I headed for the shower. Although I loved running with Ranger ( and what woman wouldn't? The view was excellent…), getting up before the sun still chafes on me a little. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna do it but still, a little bit of bitching goes a long way…

Oh, let's do the basics real quick. After all, this _**is**_ Chapter 1. Exposition ahoy!

My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm 32 years old, have crazy brown curls and big blue eyes, I'm Hungarian/Italian-American, and I'm a part time Bounty Hunter. I used to be a full time bounty hunter but after one too many car explosions (I have the worst car karma **EVER**) and a couple of irate messages from people who claim to love me the most (I got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you if you're interested…), I decided to make some changes. Changes in employment, changes in my personal life (we'll get into that in a minute), and just needed changes.

Before I decided to change, I was a laughingstock. I was known as the Bombshell Bounty Hunter, a haplessly efficient source of caught **FTAs** (Failure to Appears, in the King's English) and of explosions, garbage rolling, and I was the epitome of Dumb Luck. For some reason, I always managed to get out of extreme situations alive even when people like that Les Shroud guy would not. Betting Pools in the Trenton Police Department and gossip in the Burg (my old neighborhood) were regular occurrences in my dark screwball comedy of a life and I was sad. …Yeah, I know. _**Sad**_, Stephanie? After all these years of misadventures, that's the best you can come up? Well, honestly, yeah.

At the time, my self esteem was in the toilet. I barely made enough money to feed my beloved hamster Rex, much less myself. I got outran by 89 year olds and tased with my own taser. My apartment was a shithole that anyone with half a brain and a toothpick could break into and the man I loved (or thought I loved) only appreciated me when I was flat on my back, ankles in the air. Now, if that's not sad, I don't know what is.

But, like a phoenix from the ashes, I have risen above all of that nonsense and I've made something of myself. I'm a full time RangeMan (well, RangeWoman), I'm much better at Bounty Hunting (I've haven't blown up a car since that Day six months ago), and I have the best of the best in my corner: a band of sweet and sexy Merry Men and their illustrious leader. Oh, their leader…

Ricardo Carlos Manoso AKA Ranger AKA Batman AKA That Bounty Hunter with the Nice Package (I love my grandma to death and beyond) AKA…**The One**. My feelings for Joseph Morelli (1/2 of The Irate Message Brigade and the Ankles in the Air Guy) paled in comparison to the ones I have for him. Not only is he a 6'0, 200-ish pound Cuban-American hunk of USDA Prime Man Steak but he is the only man (other than my dad) that has backed me 110% with no ulterior motives. Well, there was the DeChooch deal thing but hey, I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me and although he booked like Flo-Jo the morning after, I don't regret that night. I _**can't.**_ Not to mention that I love the way he calls me Babe. Unlike Cupcake, Babe had meaning and substance and oomph to it, just like his overall presence in my life.

And even though he says that his life doesn't lend to relationships (his actions scream otherwise), I know that he loves me just as much as I love him.

Once I bite the bullet and truly resolve things with Morelli (and my mother and the rest of the Burg), I'm gonna go for it. Lay all my cards on the table and all that good shit because even though Ranger and I are close (he's my best friend in the World), I want more and these last six months have taught me a valuable lesson:

If you want more, you're gonna have to work for it. A better life isn't going to fall out of the sky. You gotta make it happen, cap'n or you're gonna languish in misery and woe until you're dead.

_**And**_ if I keep waiting for_** him**_ to make a move, I'll be as old as my Grandma Mazur and with _**my**_ luck, half as horny!

Enough introspection. Time to go fetch Batman from upstairs…

_**/**_

Now, this isn't fair. How can he be sexy and adorable at the same time, even when he's sleeping? Not cool, Beauty Gods! Not cool! Ranger was sprawled diagonally across his bed with his long dark chocolate hair all in his face and his sheet covering him from the waist down. His naked waist down. Unless he was working, Batman was allergic to clothes, something that I've grown to appreciate. Hmm…decisions. I could leave him be and go find Lester or Tank or someone else to run with. They'd probably fight over who gets to do it. All the Merry Men (especially the A-Team) loved me and Bombshell Duty was far from a chore (unless of course, I'm taking my randy granny out, then they run away like those dudes from Monty Python…) and they'd welcome my company, something else that I'm not used from men unless I'm naked…

On the other hand, though, running together was me and Ranger's special time. Sometimes, we talked but mostly, it was quiet companionship. And like I said before, the view…woof! Just the idea of him in front of me, all those muscles working sent lava fire straight to my doodah. _**And**_…he was always waking _**me **_up! Before I moved to 4, he'd break into my apartment all the time and just sit there, watching me sleep like a sexy Creeper or dragging me out on a mission. This was a prime opportunity for some paybacks and I _**will**_ take those opportunities. I'm a naturally vengeful person. Just ask someone to tell you the story with Morelli and the Buick…

With a sly grin, I toed off my Champions and climbed into bed with him, nearly moaning at the scents of Bulgari and Ranger musk. Damn, he always smelled good…focus, Steph! Gently, I settled on the small of his back and made sure my nails weren't too sharp before smirking.

All right, Batman. It's wake up time.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I could feel nails gently scratching at my back and smirked into my pillow. I knew she'd go for it. My Babe never let an opportunity for paybacks pass her by. Just ask someone about the Cop and the Buick…mmm…

A shiver went down my spine as her lips brushed against my ear, blowing warm air into it.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey, Ranger…oh, wait, you don't eat bacon. Um…wakey, wakey, eggs and soy bran? No… ugh…just get up!"

"I _**am**_ up, Babe." I leered with a little arch of my hips, making her giggle.

"Not _**that**_ kind of up, Soldier Boy! We're supposed to be running right now!"

I turned onto my side and she held onto my back like a baby koala, resting her chin on my shoulder. It took every ounce of control I had not to drag her into a kiss but now was not the time. It really wasn't. She had made remarkable progress these last six months but she still needed to resolve things with the Cop before we could be together. And despite my words, I wanted us to be together. I _**needed **_us to be together. This woman had run off with my heart like a wide receiver the day she walked into that Diner and I was sick of fighting it. That's why when the Powers That Be asked me to renew my contract, I showed them the door.

After all, I can't very well be her man if I'm gone for months at a time, not knowing when or if I'll come back…

"I never thought that I'd see the day that you'd be nagging me to exercise." I remarked as I reluctantly got out of bed, knowing that her gaze would be on my ass. Steph never hesitated to let her appreciation of my body show, even when she didn't mean to. Her thinking out loud moments never failed to amuse me…

"Well, things change. Now, hurry up! We're burning daylight here!" she urged as she shooed me to the bathroom.

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" I called over my shoulder, making her wing a pillow in my general direction.

"Damn Skippy! I'll be in the lobby!" she hollered back before slamming the door.

I shook my head fondly and sighed.

_Only you, Babe…only you…_


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: And in the words of my mother: "Aw, here comes the evil!" This is Round One of **_**Stephanie Plum vs. the World**_** and as promised via PM, her first opponent is one Detective Joseph Morelli. I've been looking forward to writing something like this for ages and if it's a little too Over the Top, let me know. Usually I'm not the crack-fic hatred sort of writer but it's been a long time since a character has rubbed me the wrong way like he has. Oh, and the Spanish at the end is courtesy of Google Translate (every student's cheat code) and probably incorrect in places. Although if I ever find a guy who will say what I came up with in English or Spanish (see below) to any prick who starts some shit with me, I'll marry him the same day and be the next Kate Gosselin with him, no questions asked.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Morelli's POV**

"_I'm sick of this, Cupcake! You just don't get it, do you? You live in the Burg! You are a Burg woman with Burg woman responsibilities! We're supposed to be married and on our fourth child by now but __**no**__! No, you have to run around with Manoso and his thugs, blowing up cars and dressing up like a two-bit whore and embarrassing me! Do you have any idea how much of an embarrassment it is to have Bombshell Betting Pools and have my fellow officers look at me like I'm less of a man every time you screw up? Well, that's it! Either you grow up and accept your role or we're done! Do you hear me? __**Done! **__See how easy it is to find someone else now that you've been passed around like a joint at a party…"_

I don't know what I expected after I left that message on her machine. Actually, I did know. I expected her to come home ready to fight and we'd end up having nasty, balls to the wall hate sex before starting our lives together or for her to come home with her head on straight, repentant and ready to start our lives together. As always, though, Stephanie Plum had to spit in my goddamned eye. Not only did she not come anywhere near me, she had moved into Manoso's fortress and apparently was "in training".

Hmmph, training my ass! She's been locked up in that building with all of those thugs letting them fuck her senseless and sideways for months. It was the only logical explanation! After all, Friendship only explains so much when it comes to men. We put up with women to a point but with the way Cupcake had all of them around her little finger, they had to be pussy-whipped and Manoso was the worst of them all! He had swooped in like a bat out of hell, poaching and bribing her into his bed with those damned untraceable cars and jewelry and "distraction" clothes for work.

I've seen those clothes and they didn't look like anything that a respectable Burg woman would wear in the_** bedroom**_, much less on the job!

Yet, Cupcake wasn't respectable. I made damn sure of that with the "choo-choo" game and with the Tasty Pastry. It was how Morelli men did things: claim them young and fuck them first. That way, no other man could or would compete for her. And although I disagreed with a lot of stuff Morelli men did (the drinking, the abusing…), their ways of getting women always worked for me. Except for with Stephanie Plum!

Everyone always asked me why I bothered with her, anymore. It wasn't like she was supermodel pretty or even that good in bed (she was kind of frigid, really). She did crazy, stupid things (like blowing up cars and burning down funeral homes) and kept her head in the clouds. She couldn't even make a simple pot roast and housekeeping? Forget about it!

Even my grandmother didn't want me with her anymore (not that I was gonna tell anyone that) but it was past love now. It was about upholding the traditions of the Burg, the way of things that everyone went by. Burg Boys were supposed to be tough yet smart. They were to serve in at least one branch of the military and then get a good job that they worked until they were 65.

Burg Girls were supposed to grow up and become housewives and carry babies. Sure, they could work but only at the button factory or as a teacher, nothing like Bounty Hunting. Stephanie was putting crazy ideas into the latest generation's heads, ideas that would tear the neighborhood apart at the seams. She had to be stopped and I had to be the one to do it! It was the only way to get the family name out of the mud, once and for all.

See, getting Cupcake to wear my ring and carry my babies would be like a big "fuck you" to all the people that called me trash, that said that my family was only good for sucking eggs and breaking rocks on the chain gang. Taming The Infamous Stephanie Plum would make me Top Dog, someone that every man wanted to be and every woman wanted to fuck (and I'd let them. Like I said, Cupcake's frigid and I got needs…).

But, she wasn't cooperating. She never did! Even now, I'm sitting in my POS SUV trying to pin her down. She hadn't been around for more than a hot minute and _**never **_without one of her Men. If I could just get her alone, I could make her see reason. I know I could!

And if I couldn't…well, there's always the rest of the Morelli DNA to help me convince her.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

My spidey sense is going haywire and I know why. It isn't because of the stunned, bruised, and trussed up **FTA** in the back of the Turbo outside. No, I had nothing to worry about from Paulie Richards, anymore. I took him down all by myself and I only needed Lester and Ranger's help in dragging the big galoot out of his shitty little hovel. No, I was on edge because I was sitting in the middle of Pino's, waiting patiently for the Burg grapevine to summon up Morelli like a séance ghost. Today's playfulness with Ranger had been the shot of "Do it and get it over with, damn it!" that I needed. If I'm going to grab my "someday" by the balls, then I need to kick Morelli in his ASAP and sadly, I don't mean figuratively.

Although my loved ones kept to my wish to be left out of Burg bullshit, I couldn't help but hear the latest news from elsewhere. My mother was tippling like mad, spending hours whining about her renegade daughter to her book club, her bridge club, her sewing club…hell, anyone who would listen. According to Eddie, Joe was a man possessed. Apparently, I was a sex slave to RangeMan (which honestly wasn't such a horrible prospect, not that I'd tell the guys that. I'd never hear the end of it) and being held against my will by my Master (Ranger), keeping me from being with him. Joe was under the impression that I was still in love with him but just playing hard to get, which is certainly not the case. But to be honest gentlemen, unless your name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso, I'm impossible to get. Write it down someplace because whether you like it or not, I'm off the market for good. At least I hope so. I still have to tell him exactly how I feel, after all...

My phone rang and I answered with the customary, "Yo."

"_Babe, are you sure you don't want me or Santos in there? I don't trust Morelli as far as I can throw him."_

Normally, I can't stand it when he's all protective but today, I need it. Knowing he cares gives me strength..._  
_

"I don't either, Ranger but I gotta do this myself. Don't worry, if he gets too Italian on me, I'll stun him in his precious boys. See how he likes playing choo-choo without working train bells."

"_Babe."_, he chuckled before hanging up. Ugh, the second thing I was gonna do once we got together (the first was screwing him on solid surface of his apartment on 7) was to teach the man some phone manners! How hard is it to say bye, for chrissakes?

Joe walked in and I gulped as he stomped towards my table, looking like an enraged Italian bull.

Apparently, it's way harder than I thought. Here we go…

_**/**_

**Morelli's POV**

"Oh, so now you're good enough to show up here, now? I thought Manoso had you hooked on Filet Mignon!"

"I wanted a meatball sub and to talk to you. Ranger doesn't have anything to do with that."

"So, he's just sitting out there randomly?" I demanded to a gesture to the Porsche. She looked out the window and had the audacity to wave at the sons of bitches sitting inside.

"Um, no. He and Lester helped me bag Paulie Richards. After I eat and you get finished yelling at me like a 5 year old, we're gonna go turn him over." she replied ever so calmly.

Why the hell is she not yelling back? She's just standing there looking at me with blank eyes, like I'm nothing but the gum under her boots. And it doesn't help that she actually looks pretty decent for once, like a woman. She's tanned and her hair's brushed out and loose, all shiny and soft looking. Sure, she's in cargo pants but they hug her in all the right ways and the tank top's helping the cleavage quite a bit. I guess all that slutting around has done her body good. Maybe if I calm down, I can feel the goods for myself…

"Look, Cupcake, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm just worried! You haven't been around for 6 months and the boys miss you." I said with the smile that had the ladies swooning daily.

"Just the boys? What about the rest of you, Joe? What about your heart? Do you miss me being around in your life or just having a live-in pussy to shoot in whenever you feel like it?"

"Cupcake…" I entreated, noticing that the crowd was starting to get restless.

"No, you don't get to call me that! Not after what you said to me on that damned message! You called me a whore! You said that I wasn't good for anything except giving you babies and that I was a goddamned embarrassment to you! Well, I'm way more than a baby holder, Morelli and since you're determined to think otherwise, then I think it's time to make things official!"

"Make things official? What the fuck are you saying? That we're done?"

She couldn't break up with me! I was Joseph Morelli, damn it! _**I**_ broke up with women, not the other way around…

"Well, hot damn! You _**do**_ have a brain other than the one between your legs! Yeah, we're done and none of that on again/off again shit that we did before! I'm sick of making the same stupid mistakes over and over again and you are a big ass mistake that I should've never made again!"

"Mistake? You're calling everything we've been through together a mistake?" I demanded, actually feeling hurt now.

She sighed raggedly and asked, "Wouldn't you? I mean, I'm not a rocket scientist but I think that getting back with the same asshole who fingered me in Pre-K and popped my cherry on a donut shop floor would count as a big ass mistake. Joe, all we do is fight over stupid shit and have balls to the wall sex. That's not how a relationship's supposed to work and I'm sick of being a running joke around here. I want to be happy and you don't make me happy. Not anymore. Hell, you didn't before. I can't do this anymore and I won't. You're just gonna have to be pissed off."

"I don't make you happy?"

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

Okaay…something's not kosher here. Joe shouldn't be this calm asking me that question because it always leads to…

"So, **_Manoso_** makes you happy? Is_** that**_ what you're telling me?"

All right, this is the part of the Big Epic Battle that I always screw up. If I say no, Joe lights up like a Christmas tree with renewed hope and the cycle continues. But, if I say yes, Joe blows up like Mount St. Helens. That's why I usually say no or nothing at all. Nothing at all stops the fight and pushes it all to the back burner where it stays until next time and Joe still thinks we're together, which is no longer acceptable. I need him to realize that I mean it when I say we're done this time so…

"Yeah. Ranger makes me happy." I say while looking at him dead on.

**BOOM.**

Joe's face turns beet and fire truck red and now his neck veins look like jungle vines. His hand races towards my face but my training kicks in. I don't remember how I did it or what I did it with but Joe's arm ends up snapping like a twig and true to my promise, he does end up with stunned testicles. I do know that he hit me because I can feel my face swelling up like a hot-air balloon. After that, I know the cavalry came because I find myself in Lester's protective embrace, being backed towards the door.

The last thing I hear before passing out is an armed and dangerous Ranger slamming Joe into the far wall and a stream of loud, angry, ominous Spanish **_(Maldito pinchazo! ¿Cómo te atreves a poner tus manos sobre ella? Usted estúpido hijo de puta, ¿no te das cuenta de lo que has hecho? Se golpeó la mujer que amo! Me encanta esa mujer más que la vida y si alguna vez, nunca la toque de nuevo, voy a rasgar su garganta a cabo maldito!) _**that makes my heart stop.

I don't understand much (and frankly, I don't want to know what he said) but I pick up one very important phrase: _**…**__** me encanta**__** esa mujer**__** más que**__** la vida**_**…I love that woman more than life….**

Holy...Fucking...**_Shit!_****  
**

Ranger **_loves_** me. Really, really fucking loves me. He said it with no qualifiers and no bullshit so that means...

I don't have to fight against all his defenses because I've already won and I've got my Holy Grail:

His deep, crazy, scary ass, forever and ever love.

And that's when my brain shuts the house lights off.

* * *

**What Ranger said: _You fucking prick! How dare you put your hands on her? You stupid son of a whore, do you not realize what you have done? You struck the woman I love! I love that woman more than life and if you ever, ever touch her again, I will rip your goddamned throat out!_**


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: And now for the chaser. I'm ecstatic to see that this little ditty is still being embraced so freely and now, I can get into some fun stuff. Some honesty filled, sweaty, naked fun stuff. Honesty, first though. This is the Confessions chapter and it'll be kinda long. Not too long, though. I've got three chapters of Ranger/Stephanie passion in mind after this so….yeah. Okay, let's move forward, shall we?**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

Passing out is never fun. Really. I don't understand how those crazy college students can do it all the time on purpose. Ugh, my head…where am I? Who's standing around me?

"…_fucking __**proud**__ of you, man! You finally said it!"_ Lester…

"…_have to say it again. Steph doesn't speak Spanish…"_ Ranger. Ranger who _**loves**_ me…

And um, actually I _**do**_ speak Spanish. It's been part of my whole Educate Myself thing. Now, I don't speak much but I know enough to get by and to understand when my Dark Knight snarls his love at my asshole ex. God, what am I gonna do about him? Even if I don't press charges, Joe is very much doomed. The entire PD was in there today, not to mention the "reliable" witnesses who had come out for the show. Fucking vultures…but hey, this is the first bit of juicy gossip that I've given them in forever! I'm proud of that. I'm _**damn **_proud of that.

"_Whatever, man! Even if you said it in Farsi, the fact you've taken your head out of your ass when it comes to this is great! And let me tell you, you'll be glad you did. I heard some people talking about asking her out and you can't blame 'em at all. I mean, look at her. Beautiful's well…beautiful."_

"_I __**know **__that, Santos. I have eyes. Are you sure she's okay, Bobby?"_

"_She's okay, Ranger. She passed out simply from shock that you can express your emotions without bursting into flames."_

"_Fuck you too, man."_, he grumbled good naturedly, making a faint smile curve my lips.

The bed I was on shifted and I could feel gentle hands on my face.

"_**Querida**_, can you hear me?"

"Yeah.", I replied before slowly opening my eyes. Oh, looky, I'm back in Batman's bed and once again…_** not**_ naked. Gonna have to fix that soon…

"I completely agree with you, Babe."

"Out loud, again?" I asked sheepishly.

Ranger nodded and let me sit up slowly. Sure enough, I was on seven and I smelled that eucalyptus clover stuff that Bobby uses on bruises. Damn, judging by the amount on my cheek, I must look like the Queen of the Zombies. I certainly _**feel **_like her. Did I mention that passing out sucks?

"What happened, guys?"

"Morelli hit you." Lester supplied darkly.

"I remember that. I also remember breaking his arm because it sounded like raw spaghetti. And…did I really stun him in the dick or did I dream that part?"

Tank barked out a laugh and confirmed, "Oh, you did, Bomber. Much to Lula's delight. Said that if you hadn't done it, she would've."

"She would. That's why I love her. Oh, I gotta call her…and Connie…and my dad…"

Ranger grabbed me around the waist and gently but firmly tugged me into his lap. To solidify his intentions, he buried his face in my neck, obviously intending to stay. Well, okay then.

"All right, I can do it later. So…I'm awake now. And Ranger said that he loved me earlier…"

"You understood that?" he asked with surprise against my collarbone.

"Si…so, yeah. You guys need to leave. Yesterday."

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

After the door shut, I kept my face in her throat, hugging her tightly. When Morelli's hand connected with her, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I can't stand it when she's hurting and knowing that I'm partly to blame for it really doesn't help matters. Now, I didn't hit her. I could never! But, I had pushed her back to Morelli out of my own cowardice. If I hadn't, then the bastard wouldn't have been able to…

"Enough with the guilt, Batman. Sure, you told me to go back to him but I didn't have to listen. I could've told you to kiss my ass and I that I wasn't going anywhere but I didn't. You think you're the only person who was scared after that night? Hell, no. I'm not used to things feeling right and just and perfect with guys. Why should I be? What with Rock Em Sock Em Copper and the Dick, my love life's hasn't been a stroll through the daisies. And…well, jeez! You're so out of my league, it's not even funny! What the hell would a Cuban GQ motherfucker business man want with a little white girl from the Burg? On paper, we're not supposed to work!"

"Life isn't about things you can put on paper, Babe. It's about experiences and the fact that the heart wants what it wants. And you are _**not**_ just some little white girl from the Burg." I scolded with a light pinch to her hip.

"Yeah, I know that _**now**_ but I'm talking about the me from the event that you insist on blaming yourself for. FYI, Ranger: The DeChooch thing was both of our faults, if there's any fault to be had and you know what? I'd do it again. And again and again and one more time for the cheap seats…"

I moved my face out of her neck and she looked at me with enough tenderness to stop an angry mob.

"You said that you loved me more than life. Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Do you plan on cheating on me?"

"Dios no, Babe. I would never do that to you!"

"And I'm in love with you. I have been since I met you and I stopped denying it after Scrog. You walked in, unarmed, ready and willing to take a bullet for your daughter and for me. No else has come even close to doing something like that. So, we love each other. Can you tell me why we're not together?"

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

Doing this was a lot easier than dealing with Morelli. Ranger made it easy for me to be honest with him because I know that he'd never hurt me. He might get mad at me but he'd never put his hands on me or belittle me.

"Because we're idiots." he finally replied, causing us both to laugh.

"Well, I think we should be idiots together." I declared firmly.

He nuzzled my collarbone and nodded, making his way lower and lower…

"This was a good talk. We should do this more often. It'll lead to a lot less bullshit." I offered up as I tugged his shirt out of his cargoes.

"I agree." he replied as he threw my tank top and my bra across the room. Oh, god, finally…I whimpered as his hands closed around my breasts...ooh, yes...please, more...

His shirt soon joined mine and he put me underneath him, bringing a strong thigh between my legs before forcefully fusing our lips together.

Mmmm…grown up discussions certainly have their p-perks…oh, _**Ranger**_…


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: One good thing about living in an area where it's the norm for nature to dump buckets of snow on it is that one gets snow days. I would've been at the computer earlier but my whole family got on a major cleaning jag and then I had to shovel with my big sister. It was actually kinda fun (I only fell once) but I still lack full feeling in my right fingertips, wrist, and shoulder. Good thing I'm left handed. **

**And now for the fun part of the story: the naked part. This section should last three chapters (or more if the muse cooperates) and I hope that you guys enjoy my version of Babe smexiness. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I don't understand why I'm shivering. Ever since our lips met again for the first time in far too long, I've been burning. Not like bad burning but the burning that not even the greatest shower head on Earth can soothe. The only way that it can be soothed properly is by stripping him down and riding him until I either break a hip or he screams for mercy, whatever comes first…

"I like the latter better. You breaking a hip would be hell to explain to the doctors." he chuckled between lazy kisses to my trembling stomach.

Damn ESP. I glare at him halfheartedly but he just rolls his eyes (I'm the best bad influence ever!) and takes my soaked panties off… with his teeth. Holy hot flash!

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I always forget just how tiny Steph is compared to myself. She's got such a big, join me or get out of my way personality that I forget that two of her hands can fit in one of mine with room to spare. Or that I can hold her hips still with very little effort. Never one to waste time, as soon as I got her panties out of the way, my mouth was on her and she was writhing. I had to hold her down just I could get a good taste of her.

God, she's so sweet! My grip on her hips tightened and I tilted her lower body so I could plunge my tongue all the way inside her, growling as more of her nectar stained my lips. Steph whimpered and shivered, her nails scratching at my back again like this morning. Had it really been this morning? With all the drama today, it feels like it happened weeks ago…

"Ranger…more, Ranger…_**please**_…" she moaned.

"Carlos.", I corrected as I put her legs over my shoulders.

"_What?_"

"My _**name**_ is _**Carlos**_."

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

I meant it when I said that I wanted to ride him. Good thing he's cooperating with me. Using a little move I picked up from my training, I hooked a still shaking leg around his hips and knocked the wind out of him. I yanked his belt out of his cargoes and much to his wide eyed shock, looped it around his wrists and his headboard. I've never been much for bondage before but Rang…_**Carlos**_ makes me throw all of my rules (and the Burg's) out of the window and I want to have the reins tonight. Well, at least for a while.

The last time we had done this, he had the control. He had promised to ruin me for all other men and accomplished it. Now, I want to ruin him for all other women. I want tonight to be as burned into his brain as that Night is for me. His tongue and teeth has turned the burning into a raging California wildfire and I'm going to use him to put it out, even if it takes all night. It_** better**_ take all night…

Even though his eyes are still the size of dinner plates, he helpfully lifts his hips and as always, he's commando. I cock my head and ask one of the many questions that have been baffling me since I met this man…

"Do you own a pair of underwear?"

He graces me with an amused devil may care version of his 1000 watt smile and I swear that I'm gonna melt into a puddle.

"Yes. More than one pair, actually."

"Have you ever worn them?"

"Only when my mother is visiting." he replies cheerfully.

I roll my eyes fondly at his answer and give his belt a light, testing tug as I put us mere inches apart. I can feel the trembling of his thighs and I delight in knowing that I'm not the only one dying of want here.

"Is this okay? I…well, you've never struck me to be the type to like being restrained…"

He chuckles and closes the minuscule gap between our lips, tugging on my lower one gently between light kisses.

"Do what you want to me, Babe. Just know that paybacks are a bitch."

Permission granted, I plunge down on him to the hilt and my scream can probably be heard all the way in Canada.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I can feel the leather digging into my kin and the pain gives me something to focus on instead of the soft, vice like tightness of this woman. Madre de Dios, she's going to fucking kill me! She's riding me like 50 miles of bad road, ripping screams out of me against my will. I can see the triumph in her eyes along with her growing pleasure and I can already feel my mind (or what's left of it) going to work on her punishment.

She's right. I don't like being restrained and I don't like having my control taken from me. Well that's not necessarily true. When Steph does it, it's different. I trust her completely and I know that she would never…she would never _**permanently**_ hurt me. The point is that as always, Steph's an exception to many of my rules but I promised her payback and I always keep my promises…

"_**Carlos!"**_

I've always been of the opinion that there is nothing sexier than a woman in climax, especially if I happen to be the man causing it. Stephanie's skin flushes to a becoming shade of light pink and her head goes back as she screams and screams, her body clamping down on me and making me groan with clenched teeth. I breathe deeply and try not to move, letting her ride out her orgasm. Due to mainly my stupidity, we have so much time to make up for and I don't plan on coming anytime soon. My body is screaming for release but I want her to be utterly satisfied…

She finishes with a loud whimper and she collapses onto my chest, panting like she's just been running a marathon and I want to run my fingers through her mane of curls, to trace my fingertips over her spine….

"Babe."

"Hmm?"

"Untie me."

"…okay…"

/

**Stephanie's POV**

The dizzying feeling from earlier is back but I don't feel like I'm gonna pass out. I manage to release Carlos and he immediately hauls me into an embrace, which is nice. I'm not used to men being affectionate with me and genuinely tender. He presses light kisses all over my face and I frown as I see an angry red mark on his wrist, the mocha of his skin making it stand out like it was painted on.

I pick both of them up in my hands and press kisses to the skin until he stops me with a smile.

"It's okay, Babe. They don't hurt."

"Liar.", I accuse with gentle fire. I recognize the tone from sparring with the guys, the "I'm gonna be brave and lie to the wittle girl who managed to actually hurt me." I hate that tone and it must show on my face because he playfully raises his hands in surrender.

"Okay, they do but it's a good hurt."

He moves away and I feel his large hands spanned my waist as he lowers me to the mattress. My whole body opens up to him and when he enters me again, I can tell that now that he's loose, it's going to be different.

Slow.

Gentle.

Lovemaking.

And you know what?

I could get used to this.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I FINALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK! No more hacking into the living room one, no more sitting in my parents' room quickly skimming through my email and running out and most importantly, I can set up a regular updating schedule again.**

**To celebrate, I'm gonna focus on this story and my **_**Covert Affairs**_** and **_**Iron Man **_**fics has been targeted for finishing. So, without further ado, let's get back into (pun very much intended) the naked part and if my muse keeps on cooperating I should get to Round 1 of the Helen drama (and Round 2 of the Morelli drama) by the end of the week.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

Steph finally surrendered to a nap and I took the opportunity to study her as she slept. It was a habit from my time in the Army. When I got off that plane or before I got on, I always went to her place to watch her sleep. Or feign sleep. Her Spidey Sense never failed to detect me but she never said anything, probably because she was afraid that I'd stop coming to her or that I'd push her away yet again.

One thing I'm always going to regret would the ass backward way I went about showing my feelings for her. One moment, I was saying that she was Entertainment and that my life didn't lend to relationships (two things that I need to apologize for ASAP) but the next, I was giving her new cars and security details and stealing kisses in the Alley. It was pathetic and stupid and caused us both a lot of unnecessary pain.

Her words from earlier still swam in my head, as did the things she said to Morelli earlier. If I had known that the Night for us had been as earth shattering for her as it had been for me, I wouldn't have even considered sending her back to him. And I thought that she'd be better off with him… I don't care what she says. I still feel responsibility for the bruise on her face (and the wounds to her heart) and it's a testament to how much I love her that I didn't blow the fucker's head off right then and there.

I couldn't leave her again. Even though it would have been great to see the life drain out of Morelli's eyes, being sent away and locked up like a beast for the rest of my life would've killed her and me.

And whether I like it or not, I have to thank the man for one thing. If he hadn't put his hands on her, it would've taken me much longer to finally say what I needed to. Or she probably would've had to say it for me while calling me an idiot. She was the only person (other than Tank and my mother) that could get away with that…

"Hi."

I looked up into sleepy cerulean eyes and smiled as her arms went further around my back.

"Hi. You okay?"

"Better than okay. You were watching me sleep again like a sick creep again, weren't you?"

I snorted and nodded against her sternum, tenderly nuzzling the inside curves of her breasts.

"You're lucky I love you or I'd be running like hell."

"Babe, you gasped less than an hour ago that you couldn't feel your legs. I don't think you're any condition to run anywhere…and I _**am **_lucky that you love me."

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

He had a point. Before I fell asleep…okay, before I passed out _**yet again**_, Carlos had taken my legs, hips, and ankles and stretched them out in various tender and deliciously satisfying positions. Not mention when he finally came inside of me, he gripped me so hard that prints can probably be taken easily. The loud yells of my name and various endearments in Spanish made the discomfort worth it (as did the triggered apocalyptic orgasm) but yeah...my legs were as useful as a wet noodle in a rainstorm.

"Damn straight, you are." I replied before drawing him up into a deep kiss.

And the luck ran both ways. I really had been an idiot and watching me bounce back and forth between him and Morelli had to be painful. Sure, it had been his idea the first time but what about all the others? Looking back, I know that even if I just hinted at my true feelings, he would've grabbed me and not let go. The fact that he didn't reject me (not like he could after the whole Slam the Copper into the Wall thing) is really intense. Intense in the good way…just like his ever deepening kisses…mmm…

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

Steph opened herself up to me immediately but I resisted the temptation just to slide inside her. I wanted to taste her again. Twining the fingers of my right hand with hers, I put it above her head, bringing a now rose colored nipple into my sight. I bent and suckled on it gently, delighting in the tremors racking her tight little body.

"Carlos…please don't tease me…" she rasped as she tried to reconnect us.

"So impatient, Babe." I chided with fond exasperation.

"Not impatient…I'm horny. There's a difference." she corrected.

I laughed and licked and nibbled my way down her flat abdomen. I traced the defined muscles there and she giggled. Her giggle became a husky moan as I pressed a kiss right on her swollen clit. She was as sweet as ever with a hint of salty tang, evidence of our earlier lovemaking. I didn't mind the taste of me on her. In fact, it just made me hungrier for her.

"You taste so fucking good, _**Querida**_. I could live off of you…"

"T-that would be fun to explain to the nurses in the hospice: No, don't give me any applesauce. All I need is my wife and a couple minutes alone. Oh, and a napkin…" she teased in a passable imitation of my voice as her fingers threaded into my hair, loosening it from its unraveling ponytail.

I don't know made me smile wider: the hilarious images that her words provoked or the fact that she thought that we would last to hospices and applesauce.

Whatever the case, I figured that my Babe deserved a reward for it.

I plunged my tongue into her like a dagger and she bit her lower lip to suppress her screams. Irked, I let go of her hand and brought both of mine to her breasts, stroking and pinching her nipples in a way that guaranteed…

"_**Carlos!"**_

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"That's it, Babe. Scream for me…don't hold back…don't ever hold back what I do to you…"

The heat of his mouth made my dripping core clench and shiver and he pressed a last devastating french kiss to my clit before moving back up my body. I was whimpering and quivering and I needed him inside me now! It hurt not to have him inside me!

"_Please, Carlos_…_please?_" I begged as he wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Yes.", he replied as he slid all the way inside me in one smooth stroke.

My head went back and I panted for air, his lips pressing into my clavicle as he moved tenderly inside me. I felt like a live wire. I could hear the sizzle of his sweat dripping onto my skin, feel every little twitch and throb of his penis, smell Bulgari, gardenias, and our sex. Blood pounded in my ears and my vision swam and sharpened with every connection of our hips. Carlos was murmuring honeyed Spanish to me, telling me how good I felt, how perfect we were together, how much he adored me, needed me, wanted me…

"_**Te amo**_, _Stephanie_..." he moaned as our gazes met again.

I cupped his cheek and replied, "_**Te amo **__**también**_, _Carlos...oh god, Carlos_…_**yesss**_…."

My hips took on a mind of their own and he growled low in his chest, gripping my hips again to aid me. Our breathing deepened, quickened, and sharp cries escaped both of us as we came closer and closer to the edge.

"_Come for me, Babe…come for me…with me…Dios mio, come with me…"_ he gasped as his seed began to flood me.

I didn't come for him. I shattered for him. My throat burned as I screamed his name over and over again, sobbing as pleasure assaulted me and I could feel his own hot tears on my shoulder as we clinged to each other like octopi. Every muscle in my body liquefied and I melted into the bedding, him with me. Looking up at his face, I saw complete peace in his expression. All the tension, the fine lines that I knew better than my own were gone and when his eyes opened, there were no barriers, just pure Carlos.

It was amazing.

_**We **_were amazing.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I've got the Helen vs. Stephanie/Ranger drama on lock in my head so I really want to get to it. I'm gonna finish the naked part (but I guarantee that there will be more to come (giggity) later) and then get into the bulk of the reactions next chapter. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

She climbed up on the kitchen counter top and opened the third cabinet, finding the olives I had Ella buy for her. Even at 4:30 in the morning, she had an unmistakable beauty to her. She'd protest and say that she looked like a hot mess but Steph was oblivious to her own appeal, something that I was determined to fix. How could she not see how gorgeous she was, both inside and out? It was maddening…

"Hi. You want a sandwich?" she greeted in a sexy rasp between bites of peanut butter and olive.

"No, I'm good. You sound hoarse." I remarked, making her give me her patented "No shit, Batman" look.

"I've spent the better part of 8 hours making mad passionate, oh my god, I'm gonna die love with you. Damn right I'm hoarse. Be proud."

"I am.", I confirmed bluntly as I found the tea kettle. She snorted and lightly flicked the dishtowel at my back. In retaliation, I angled some of the cold water from the faucet at her, hitting her nipples through the white fabric. She yelped and made to hit me again but I dodged, laughing under my breath as we ended up in the clear space in the living room.

"You're a jerk!" she squeaked indignantly as she slowly advanced on me.

"I'm _**your**_ jerk, Babe."

"Not the point!" Steph snarled as she lunged at me, knocking me firmly onto my ass.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

Carlos and I are weird. We've been weird from day one but getting into a knockdown drag out wrestling match in the living room after spending the night together takes the cake. It's more play than fight but I'm all for slamming him to the floor, which I've managed to do about twice now. I even winded him for a good 30 seconds but now, his moves are getting a little frisky.

His hands keep sliding under my shirt and under the panties I pulled back on. I'm trying not to show my reactions but he's playing me like a violin and I love it and…

"You…you're cheating." I pant as his lips start working at my pulse point again.

"No, I'm not." he replied as I put my hand down his pants. "And I thought we had a rule about groping?"

"We have a rule about groping while sleeping, not in general. Besides, _**you**_…"

He makes a noise between a wheeze, a groan, and a laugh that sends tingles straight where they need to be.

"…started it."

"And I'll be finishing it!" he grits out before tearing my shirt (well, his shirt) in two.

Holy hot flash!

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"So…" Lester started as he looked down at me.

"So what?"

"You and Beautiful work everything out? You didn't fuck it up yet again, did you?"

"Yes and No. ", I reply succinctly to both questions while continuing my bench presses.

"Cool. So, where is she?"

"Gun range."

"With all the ruckus from last night, I'm surprised to see you both alive." he chuckled, making me give him a baleful look, setting him off into further, louder (maniacal?) laughter.

"Why haven't I killed you, yet?" I asked him flatly as I racked the barbell.

"Because Tia Caroline would send you to hell right with me. Not to mention Steph. You know I'm her favorite."

"Not anymore." I replied with a shit eating grin.

Santos looked endlessly amused and then very serious.

"You mean it, right? The whole loving her forever thing? And you won't hurt her? Because I don't care if you send me to Asshairistan, if you hurt her, I'm gonna kick your ass and then shoot you in it."

"I'll give you the gun."


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: That 5 minute turned 3 hour nap I took earlier is kicking in and I find myself hungry to write and for noodles. Good thing we stockpiled ramen before the Snow Monsters that have been hitting my area came. Next chapter is where the action is but read this one, anyway. It's full of strengthening friendship and love. And yes, there is a cliffhanger. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I probably stood out like a sore thumb in my sea green RangeMan tank but I didn't care. I'm happy, well loved, and energized. Making love with my Dark Knight is better than a whole case of Red Bull when it comes to energy and my aim is even better than usual. Bozo the Clown needs a new grille and heart, STAT…

I hummed under my breath as I clicked on the safety and set aside the 9mm, the actions now as reflexive to me as putting on my bra or mascara. I could feel Bobby's curious looks at me but I decided to let him breach the subject that was on everyone's mind: Me and Ranger…me and _**Carlos **_and the fact that we've finally acknowledged that we are each other's "Wuv, trwue wuv."

"You…you're gonna stay with him, right?"

I looked at him and he looked at me with earnest puppy dog eyes, something that I never thought to associate with a Merry Man before but it oddly fit.

"Pardon me?"

"Rangeman. You're all in, right? No more bullshit with Morelli or some other punk ass?"

I smiled and nodded, seizing an opportunity to make him laugh.

"When it comes to Carlos, my name is Bennett and I am certainly innit." I declared seriously, making him bust a gut and hug me tight.

"That's….that's really good, Bombshell. He needs you a lot, much more than he lets on." he replied sagely, sobering us both.

"I know Bobby and I won't hurt him like that ever again. I swear." I promised, extending a pinky.

He snickered but hooked his with mine, giving the customary two tugs before letting go.

"Excellent. Now, let's get you an automatic…" he urged crisply, sending us back into student/teacher mode.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I was surprised to see Ella in my office waiting and I was doubly surprised when she nearly broke me in two in a hug. I responded fully though, picking her up a little. She pulled away and tears of joy swam in her eyes as she held me by the shoulders.

"I am so proud of you, Carlitos! You finally got your head on straight when comes to our Stephanie. You treat her right, you hear me?"

"Sí, Tia." I replied obediently as I led her gently to the doorway. "I'll take good care of Steph. I love her too much not to."

Ella is my mother's younger sister and she has been with RangeMan from the beginning. I needed to hire people that I trusted completely during those early days and she volunteered for her position. She said that it would keep her spry and that she would make sure I took care of myself.

"You're a good boy. Tell Stephanie that she owes me a hug next time I see her and that I'm making her favorite dessert tonight. That way when you let her up for air, she'll have sustenance." she quipped with a quick wiggle of her eyebrows before taking her leave.

I chuckled and sat down at my desk to get some of the paperwork done.

I didn't want anything keeping me away from my Babe tonight.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"What the hell are _**you**_ doin' here? You up and quit on me, remember?" Vinnie snapped as I entered his office.

"I had to blackmail you just to get this job and I still take on your high bond skips with Ranger, you sick nasty fuck. I'm here to see Lula and Connie."

'They're not here. Connie went to rebond Mooner and I don't give a rat's ass where Lula is. So, you and Ranger finally got your shit together, huh?"

"Not that it's any of your business but yeah. So what?"

"Does Aunt Helen know?"

"Probably and if she doesn't, you better not say anything or I'll tell Lucille what you did in Cancun with Joyce and that monkey."

"Lucille isn't gonna do shit."

"Her dad will. How do you feel about wearing concrete hooker boots?"

Vinnie paled even more than usual and I walked out to let him chew on that, slamming the door behind me. I swear I don't know how we can be related but I really wish I knew what God to beg for forgiveness of the horrible sin I committed to cause it. I sat down on the couch and the door opened, admitting a hot pink and sea foam spandex clad Lula. She had put blonde highlights in the red of her hair and she looked content. The same special kind of content that I was feeling…

"Tank?"

"Damn Skippy. You and Batman gettin' your shit together was like a swift kick in the ass to him and me. I may hate those damn cats but if I gotta deal with 'em to have my Tankie then I will. So, how was all the balls to the wall sex y'all had last night?"

"It's Ranger. How do you think it went?" I leered.

Lula giggled and replied, "Touché, White Girl. All bullshitting aside, I'm happy for you both…and tired as hell so move. That man wouldn't leave me alone until like an hour ago and I'm feelin' it everywhere."

I rolled my eyes and let Lula settle into the couch. The door opened again and Connie came in, looking a little drowsy from the Star Trek TNG marathon and the permanent mist of smoke around Mooner's place. She took out the white clip holding her hair back and undid the top button on her pink blouse before kicking off her loafers. She sat on top of her desk and emptied the pockets of her grey slacks of taser and trident gum, passing out pieces of it.

"Mooner said to tell you that he's happy for you and the scary Bat Dude and he's got some good shit stashed if y'all want to celebrate getting your auras in balance. I guess that's stoner-talk for taking your heads out of your asses…"

"Amen, sister!" Lula interjected.

"…so let me say it too. I'm downright giddy you and Batman are an item. Don't fuck it up."

I laughed and replied, "I'll do my best. I gotta get back to Haywood. I'll call you guys later, okay?"

"You might want to push your mom to the top of the list, Steph. She's turning over every crack in the Burg sidewalk to find you." Connie advised. "I can't believe you still haven't given her your new number."

"Once she stops trying to run my life into the ground I will. See ya."

I went outside and got into my black sedan, heading out of the Burg. Connie had a point. I can't avoid my mother forever. The thing with Morelli proved that getting shit over with sooner rather than later was better and confronting my mother once and for all would make it easier to move past all my issues with her.

Or it might just create new ones.

I sigh deeply and come to a decision.

Batman better like pot roast and have a high tolerance for drama and Grandma's hands.

We're going to dinner at Casa Plum tonight.

_**Madre de Dios**_, help me…


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **_**Fanfiction Bible Book I, Verse VII**_**: And the Great Fanfic Gods cried out with loud voices, "Let there be drama!" and their followers declared it to be good in their eyes… well, hopefully.**

**Okay, here's Round 2 of **_**Stephanie Plum vs. World. **_**In the far right corner, weighing in as a full ton in a half ton bag is Helen Plum with her partner in crime, Joseph Morelli. Across the way, are the crowd pleasers of Stephanie, her Batman, and the rest of her kooky but lovable family (including someone Plum fiction writers rarely use). After this will be the lead in to the next naked part and after that, I'm past my planned out fic meaning that it's time for improv, something that I excel at. Now, "Let's get it on!"**

**Helen's POV**

"_Stephanie Michelle Plum, how could you do this to me? Joseph just announced that he was leaving you! Why me? Jessie Kanowski's daughter doesn't run off men or blow up cars or hang around with drug dealers…this is the last straw, young lady! I expect to see you at dinner tonight and we will discuss just what to say to get Joseph back…that is, if he __**wants**__ you back after all you've put him through! Ugh, I don't even know why I bother with you! Always running around with your head in the clouds, spitting on the reputation that I've spent years building up! Ungrateful, inconsiderate child…"_

I stood in the pantry, listening as Mary Alice skipped around neighing and as Angie sang a song listing the Periodic Table to a giggling Lisa. Between neighs, Mary Alice would add in a couple lines, much to their mother and father's delight and it made me frown. It seems that their aunt's madness has gotten to them, too. I don't understand why they feel the need to know such things, advanced science and math. That was what men were for…and they were infecting Lisa, too? It was appalling! The only classrooms a Burg girl truly needed were in the kitchen and the bedroom, that's it! How could Valerie and Albert encourage them otherwise? Where did I go wrong?

I raised my girls right. Well, I tried to. Somehow, Stephanie had deemed herself too good for years of tradition and left the bulk of the learning to Valerie. Now, according to Joseph, she was turned into a killing machine like the rest of those thugs and that…that _**Ranger **_she insisted on carousing with. She had been spotted in the library by Shirley, nose deep in a book about war by some obscure Chinese fellow and she was seen exercising in the park daily, looking as unrefined as ever. I mean, what sort of self respecting woman would get up and _**not**_ put on makeup immediately? It was crucial for a man to see perfection at all times or he'd wander off...

"_Mommy, can me and M.A. watch the history channel? They're showing a documentary on the Presidents."_

"_Sure, baby. Both of you keep an eye on your sister, okay?"_

"_That should be easy, momma. Lisa likes the history channel too. I'll get her, Ange."_

I shuddered in horror and reached for the bottle of Old Turkey. I needed to get a new one and soon. My nerves had been shot for months because Stephanie's mayhem and Valerie and her now lax mothering skills weren't helping matters….

"Mom, are you okay?"

I swallowed my medicine and smiled at my son, nodding.

"I just needed to regain my composure, Joseph, that's all. Can you believe what Valerie is doing to her girls?"

"I know, mom. It's sick. Whatever's infected Cupcake has gotten to her too."

"Yeah, common sense! I don't understand how you can let this monster into your house, Helen!" my mother snapped from the doorway, pointing at poor Joseph like he was rancid meat the dog dragged in.

"_**Mother! **_He is going to be your son in law!"

"Well, you better divorce Frank before you marry him because Stephanie certainly ain't gonna! Why should she? She's got that nice Bounty Hunter with a package for days in her life. Stephanie's not stupid enough to trade him for a sack of manure. Now, when are we eating? I've got a date tonight and I don't wanna be late. Blake's got himself one of those X-crosses and…"

I downed another glass.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"Carlos, thank you for agreeing to this. I can't do this by myself. Not like last time. I mean, Morelli was one thing but now I'm gonna be dealing with my mother. My mother who I can't please no matter what I do...blue or green?"

I pointed to the blue sweater that she was holding up and she gently pulled it on me. The hem fell just where it needed to be so I could have my 9mm with me, something she knew I'd appreciate. She crossed back to my side of the closet and set out picking out the socks and shoes she wanted on me.

Normally, I enjoy when she picks out clothes for me but tonight was different. It was like getting dressed for battle. She was already ready to go. She had on a black and pink graphic tee, the RangeMan logo cleverly woven into the floral design, a black Gypsy skirt, and a pair of solid black flats. She was also carrying her gun. I felt the thigh holster earlier and that me happy. It always pleased me when she was aware of her surroundings…

"You don't have to thank me, Steph. If we're going to be idiots together, then it's only natural that I have your back."

"Don't make me cry from your sweetness. My mascara will run. Leave your hair down for me?"

I nodded and told her, "Ella made you a pineapple upside down cake. I figure that you'll need it later."

"You figure right. Remind me to hug her next time I see her. Make tracks, Batman. We need to get going." Steph confirmed as she made to leave.

"Babe."

She turned.

"No matter what happens, I'm here. I'm not going to let anyone keep me from you."

Joy filled her tearful eyes and after trying and failing to reply verbally, she simply made her hands into the shape of a heart and moved them towards me.

"I love you, too."

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

_You can do this. You're a brave, capable woman with more people who love you than hate you. You can do this. You're strong. You can do this. You're not worthless. You have an army in your corner. You have your dad and grandma. You have Val and Albert and the girls. You have Lula. You have Connie. You have Mooner…when he's awake. You have the Merry Men. And you have Carlos. He won't leave. He promised and Batman's never broken a promise to you ever. You can do this…_

I started doing my yoga breathing quietly and let the words of Strong Stephanie put me in a zone. I had finally learned how and I was more than halfway to learning the one eyebrow thing, too. Sitting in the Turbo with Carlos, I watched as the familiar sights of the Burg went slowly past the window. My man was giving me time to get psyched and I deeply appreciated it. I also appreciated his ready acceptance of the plans I made for us tonight.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to spend another night (and another and another 50 years worth of nights) with just us but this needs to get done. It really does. My mother has been like a dark cloud over my head these last few months and I want it gone, damn it! I deserve to be happy, don't I? I may not be a Burg clone or a Stepford Wife or even a Desperate Housewife but I was human. Humans want to be happy…

Carlos turned onto my street and I noticed two things.

Val and her family was here, which was great because I hadn't seen them in months and after a long phone talk (5 hours, 22 minutes, and 40 seconds), me and Val made peace. She would never understand the choices I have made (I don't think anyone but Carlos can fully) but she would certainly support them because that's what sisters did.

The second thing I noticed was not so great.

Morelli's rusting POS cop car.

"Babe."

"Park. We're doing this whether I like it or not and if he tries something, I'll break his other arm."

A beat and then, "Proud of you, Babe."

"I'm proud of me, too."

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

The door opened and a high pitched squeal made me look away from my plate. To my surprise, Valerie was nearly breaking Stephanie in half in a fierce hug. Then, she also hugged the thug with her, looking like an excited puppy as she looked between them.

"Oh my God, you're here! And you brought your man, too? What blackmail did you have on him?"

"No blackmail. He volunteered."

"Seriously? Jeez, Ranger, you're even more of a badass than I thought. Girls, your aunt's here!"

All three of them bolted (well, Lisa toddled) from the table (without asking to be excused) and Stephanie caught all three of them in a tangled heap of a hug, nearly hitting the floor like the ungraceful lump she was.

"Oh, god, girls, you've gotten so big and so much prettier. Is that a new sweater, Mary Alice?"

"Mm-hm. Daddy got it for me in New York City.", she replied while tracing the sparkles on the pony on the front.

"Aunt Stephanie, I know the periodic table now."

"Really? Did Ms. Michaels teach you?"

"Nuh-uh. M.A. and me found it on the internet and Momma's gonna get us posters of it for our rooms so we can be smart and brave like you."

I downed the rest of my wine at that statement and regretted it immediately at Lisa's next action. She toddled up to the thug and demanded, "Up. Up, 'Anger!" He chuckled and picked her up, much to her cooing delight and the older girls looked at him with wide eyes.

"Mr. Ranger, sir, are you Auntie Steph's manfriend, now?"

"It's _**boy**_friend, M.A."

"He's not a boy, Ange. He's man steak like Ms. Mary Lou called him yesterday on the phone with Mommy… Well, are you?" she demanded.

"Yes, _**dulce**_. I'm your aunt's manfriend."

"Good. Better you than the mean cop. Can you make him go away? Grandma lets him come to dinner too much and my friend Carly said that he hit Auntie Steph. That's not right!" Angie insisted while tugging him forward.

I stood up and looked at Stephanie coldly, letting her see my disappointment in her. Instead of looking away like she always did, she looked back at me with impudence, dismissing Joseph by turning her back to him.

"Hi, Mom." she greeted.

"Is that all you have to say for yourself? You owe me an explanation for your horrid behavior!"

"I don't owe an explanation to you or anyone else but God and the Devil when I die. What is_** that**_ doing here?" she demanded with a point to Joseph.

"_**He **_is here because I asked him to be! After all, he's supposed to be here, not like this drug dealing trash you've brought in here! You're not getting a crumb of food until he leaves!"

"I'm not hungry and Carlos isn't going anywhere any time soon. I'm here to tell you that it's over. You can't run roughshod over me anymore whenever you feel like it. I'm your daughter, not your bitch and I expect to be treated like it. If you can't, then that's fine. Don't expect to see me ever again and don't expect me to let you near my kids."

"You let that maniac get you _**pregnant**_?" Joseph roared with the sheer horror I felt.

"Not yet but it's gonna happen and I'll marry him whenever he wants me to and that _**maniac**_ treats me better than you ever did! At least he's never done _**this**_!"

She wiped off her concealer and smeared it on my nice clean tablecloth, revealing the bruise she caused him to give her. Joseph looked shamefaced and I leapt to his defense.

"If you weren't such a silly little girl, then he wouldn't have to hit you and look what you did to him? Look at his arm! After everything he's done for you, that's how you repay him?"

"What the hell has he done other than make me feel like a whore? What has he done other than discourage every dream and goal that I've had? Tell me what good he's been to my life, mother! He is a scum sucking, chauvinistic bastard and I will never, ever, ever marry him or leave Carlos for him or at all! Just because you decided to be a mindless Burg clone doesn't mean I have to!"

I snarled and made to strike her but an unexpected voice made everything stop.

"Leave her alone!"

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

My jaw almost hit the ground as _**Albert Kloughn**_, of all people, gave my mother a glare that would make Satan shit his pants as he got between us.

"You l-leave her alone now! She hasn't d-done anything wrong! All she did was fall in love with a man who actually deserves her, not like this…this… _**monster**_ you insist on pushing off on her! Okay, yeah, Ranger's scary and not Burg but he won't put his hands on her or cheat on her or do anything else bad to her…_right?_"

I huffed out an incredulous laugh and nodded reassuringly at the bumbling lawyer turned badass. Val looked shocked too but with the shock was a healthy dose of lust, giving me some sick, twisted images that I didn't need. I backed up into Ranger's protective embrace and the girls joined me, hiding behind his legs at all the noise. My dad came out of the den and I waved at him, unfazed by the shotgun in his hands. After all, I live with a bunch of trigger happy men and love one…

"About damn time, Frank!" my grandma praised. "I thought it would take you another 10 years to get your balls back!"

"Quiet, you crazy old bat! Hi, Pumpkin, Ranger. Nice to see you both. So you do have a spine after all, huh, Kloughn?" he chuckled.

Albert gulped at the sight of the gun but nodded frantically like a bobblehead, his hands up like he was being held up on Stark Street.

"O-only when it comes to protecting my family. Stephanie's family and she doesn't deserve all this…this…"

"Bullshit. I agree with you. Now sit down before you pass out. Morelli, get out of my house and don't come back."

"Frank, you can't…"

"Shut up or you'll go with him, Helen! Move, Morelli!"

"Mr. Plum, I…"

My nails dug into his arms as my dad actually shot the vase behind his head. Now, Val and Albert were behind Ranger too. To Kloughn's credit, he had mimicked Carlos' actions and the girls were now split between them, shaking like leaves.

"_**Out!**_" he roared, pumping another round into the chamber, the barrel trained on his head.

"Fine, I'll leave! Your daughter's not worth a pot to piss in anyway!" Morelli snapped, even as he ran towards to door.

"Joseph, no! Wait! _**Joseph!**_ Frank, how could you do this to me? He was Stephanie's last chance at a respectable life!"

"Are you mad, woman? Look at who's holding her! Look at who's protecting your grandchildren!"

"He's nothing but a two bit, drug dealing, murdering thug! He'll get Stephanie killed and I'll never be able to show my face around the Burg again!"

"Always the Burg! You'd marry the damn Burg, if you could! I'm done watching you ruin my babies' lives, Helen and if you continue down this path, then you'll be known to all of your little friends as the _**former **_Mrs. Plum!"

My mother squeaked once, twice, and then sank back into her chair like she had been punched.

Silence. Dead, horrible, heavy silence. God, no…

"Daddy, no! You can't leave her because of me!" I gasped, feeling sick to my stomach.

I came here to settle my issues with my mother, not to give them a one-way ticket to Divorce Court!

"It's not your fault, Steph. It's hers." Val sniffled. "Daddy's right, mom. You've been a beast to Steph since forever and you haven't exactly been Mary Poppins to me, either. I'm with them. I can't deal with you like this and I won't. You need to get yourself together before you end up dying alone like a dog under the house."

"Valerie…I don't want the girls coming back here. It-it's not good for them." Kloughn urged sadly.

"I know, baby and we won't be back."

"G-good."

Oh, god. I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate and my mother glared at me with the utmost hatred as she stood up.

"I should've never had you! Look what you've done!" she snarled before stalking into the kitchen, grandma and dad hot on her heels, yelling at her.

It was like all the progress I've made, all the joy I've been feeling drained out of me. My mother just confirmed my worst fear. She never wanted me. I was only alive because we were Catholic and Catholics don't…oh, god!

I lurched out of Carlos' arms and ran outside, tears spilling down my face as I hit the wet grass. Everything felt so cold, so dark, so horrible…

Warm arms picked me up and he was holding me tight, making quiet shushing noises in my ear.

"I wanna go home." I whimpered. "Take me home, Carlos. Please?"

"Yes.", he replied simply before putting us both in the Turbo.

I curled up into the leather and wept bitterly.

Whoever said that closure makes everything better is a filthy little liar.


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Last chapter was…intense to write to say the least. I didn't expect it to get so fierce at the end but my fingers took on a mind of their own. I'm glad that it was well received and no, we have not seen the last of Helen or Joe. I've got a couple of ideas in mind for later. But right now, our girl is hurting and hurting bad. Concerned Merry Men and comforting Batman, ahoy!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

"What the hell went down over there, man? I've never seen Beautiful look so…so broken." Santos inquired shakily as he passed out the beer.

Neither have I and I never ever want to see it again. My poor Babe. She had stopped crying halfway back to Haywood but she was very quiet, her voice barely above a whisper as we got inside.

"_I'm gonna find Ella's cake and sleep in my apartment tonight, okay? It's nothing you've done, Carlos. Really, you were awesome. I…I just need to get my head on straight."_

I could still taste the salt of her tears from her goodnight kiss and I shook my head, meeting the concerned gazes of my men. All of them had heard about the mayhem tonight and they wanted to be debriefed ASAP. It was standing room only and it made me glad to see that she had an army backing her. I sat down on a table and pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger.

"Her mother….god, I have heard terrorists with more mercy and compassion than that woman."

"Lula _**has**_ mentioned that she's a piece of work. Well, she said twisted, hateful bitch but the sentiment's still there. What did she do to our Bomber, Carlos?" Tank asked with soft anger.

It wouldn't be soft for long.

I sighed and started from the beginning with her nieces, wanting to inject a bit of levity into a horrible tale. Then I got into the gristle and grime, leaving no details out, not even the stuff at the end of the **FUBAR**ed visit. The sadness on her behalf was all encompassing and I could swear that I saw Hal wiping at his eyes but soon, the sadness was being overpowered by righteous rage and I didn't blame them a bit. Steph was one of us now and messing with one means you mess with all.

"She needs to die. Yesterday." Hector declared through grinding teeth.

Fuckin' A right she did but…

"We can't, man. It would kill Bombshell and you know it. The only we can do is be there for her and keep her far the fuck away from her knockoff of a mother as long as we can." Bobby replied with a clenched jaw.

"Where's she at, Rangeman?" someone (possibly Mateo from accounting) called from the back.

"In her apartment. She said that she needed to get her head on straight."

"Go help her."

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

The first thing I did when I got into my apartment (other than lock the door) was cut the cake straight down the middle and put it on a plate. Eating like that was like riding a bike, you never forgot how, and the super serving was gone in about 15 minutes. After the sugary, pineappley goodness was in me, I headed for the bathroom. Bypassing the shower, I ran a hot, soapy bath and turned all the overhead lights out, letting the nightlights in the sockets light my path.

I didn't need a bath. I needed Carlos but I knew that the Merry Men were chomping at the bit for a report, not to hurt me but to help me, so I left him to it. And I know that I said that I'd sleep here but I knew that it wouldn't an hour before I was crawling into his (our) bed on 7. He made me feel safe and brave and everything that my mother did not.

Like I mentioned before, it had always been a nagging fear in the back of my head that I was a walking mistake to her. It was born during my time in the hospital from my infamous Garage Roof incident. While Grandma and Daddy never left my side, my mother never came to visit me and she refused to speak to me for days after I came home. I heard her talking to dad though, blaming his side of the family for my recklessness and thanking God that "at least one of children had a shred of common sense…flying indeed!" Me being 7 and vulnerable, I came to the conclusion that my mother didn't love me because there was something wrong with me. Maybe if I tried to be more like Val and the other Burg girls, then she'd love me, then…

Yeah. A fat lot of good that's gotten me. Undeniable Fact: No matter what I do, my mother's always gonna hate me at the end of the day because she didn't want me. Damn, knowing that hurts like a bitch… Great, now I'm crying again. At this rate, I'll need new tear ducts…

My ears picked up a footfall and I immediately picked up a nearby unlit candle and chucked it in the direction of my intruder. It hit the hall wall and I heard the glass on the framed picture of an orchid shatter. Damn it!

"I hope that was because of you being more aware of your surroundings, Babe." a wry voice greeted, making me open my eyes.

An amused sigh left me as Carlos stood up from ducking and I replied, "It is. Sorry for almost beaning you."

"It's okay, Steph. You've got a nice arm on you."

"I played softball through college. You getting in?" I teased.

Apparently, Carlos had misread my tone because after emptying his pockets, he got in fully clothed, making me laugh. The laughter increased as he winced and put some cold water in the tub. Aw, I burnt Batman's buns…

'They're not burned, just a little startled, is all." he grumbled defensively as he pulled me into his arms.

"Yeah, whatever. You didn't have to come down here."

"If you think I'm going to leave you alone when you're hurting, then you're nuts, Babe."

I rolled my eyes. Jeez, for someone who's so smart, he can be denser than rum cake sometimes.

"I mean that after I ate the other half of the cake, I was coming to you. You make things better when they suck and besides I don't sleep well without you anymore."

He nodded and pressed tender, chaste kisses to my shoulders, my neck…

"I don't care what that damn woman says. You're a blessing, not a curse and I for one am glad that she had you. I need my Babe."

See what I mean? Like Midas turning everything into gold, Batman can make even the shittiest situations better just by being him. My mother's words knocked me down tonight but he picked me back up and supported me like he always does.

He makes it easier to keep fighting.


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: My muse has gotten a big boost from a gem I found in my trolling. It's a 2 year old WIP called **_**This Never Happened**_** by ****JudeCairnsmom and even though I've only gotten through 8 out the 84 chapters, it's a delicious AU and I think it should be listed as required reading for all us Babes. It's just that kickass.  
**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

"Babe, are you sure you want to go into the Burg today? From what you've told me, crazy shit spreads like wildfire around there and I think your dad almost plugging Morelli like a wild Christmas turkey counts as crazy shit.", I asked her as we pulled out of the garage.

"You're 2 for 2, Batman but the big fish I wanna bring in today lives in the Burg. And even if he didn't, I'm done hiding from all the gossip mongers and I…I need to beat the hell out of someone. Violence is a better coping mechanism than crying and eating sweets until I puke."

"It's good cardio, too." I quipped, getting a fond eye roll and a smile from her.

True to her words in the tub, she had spent the night on 7 with me but we didn't make love. Steph needed comfort in a different way last night and thankfully I was just as good at holding a woman as I was at satisfying one. A few more tears fell but I wiped them away, reminding her that her mother was in the extreme minority. It would take all of my fingers and toes three times just to count the people who adored her in Trenton alone, not to mention my guys in Boston and Miami and of course, Julie.

After all the mayhem with Scrog, she and I had been in regular contact and she always asked about Steph. How she was doing, what she was doing, if she had dropped Morelli on her own yet or did I have a Master Plan to get her away from him because "we _**so**_ needed to be together"…she'll be ecstatic to know that a Master Plan was unnecessary.

It wouldn't have worked anyway. One thing I learned very quickly about my Babe is that she does what she wants to when she wants to and if you _**do**_ manage (by the grace of every Saint and God in existence) to force her to do what you want her to, you'll catch hell the whole time.

"Go 3 streets over from my mother's and take a left. Skip's name is Jackson Willington from Illinois. He's called Little Wet Willie on the streets but he's 6'4 and 245 pounds, give or take a doughnut. He's wanted for domestic assault, attempted rape, and domestic terrorism. All three charges can be traced back his now ex-wife Kendra Hicks. He beat the hell out of her with a Louisville slugger and if it weren't for some Girl Scouts knocking on the door, there would be no attempted anywhere near the rape. They turned him in and he spent 18 months in prison and when he got out, he attempted to blow up the post office she worked in. He's been leading the authorities on a wild goose chase ever since. His bond's a half a mil.", she summarized from the Intel file.

"How'd he end up here?"

"He's got a cousin. Kenny Willington and he's just as big and twisted as he is. I remember him because he used to roll with the Morelli boys before he got locked up in Juvy in 8th grade for beating up his mother for making him do his algebra. I can handle one but not both and…"

"What is it, Babe?"

"I don't want to face the Cops by myself. Don't get me wrong, only an idiot would be on Morelli's side but I still don't want to hear them sound off on what's happened. A little dignity is all I ask. Is that so unreasonable?"

No. And if they give her shit today, I'll give them a broken face.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

I barely knocked once before I heard a shotgun being pumped. Carlos and I hit the deck just in time for a huge hole to be blasted through the door and I heard the sadly familiar sound of a Porsche car window shattering behind us. Son of a bitch! 7 months of good car karma down the drain just like that! This SOB's gonna need a catheter by the time I'm done with him…

"Bounty Hunter Cunt, I ain't goin' to jail!" Wet Willie howled through the hole. Oh, I know he didn't just call me a…scarlet filled my vision. This fucker's going _**down**_!

"Wanna bet, jackass?" I replied conversationally as I slugged him in the nose, breaking it like a piñata.

It broke further when Carlos kicked the door in and while they tussled, I came face to face (well, face to chest) with Cousin Jackson. I could smell the 1800 leaking from his pores but drunk or not, that knife in his hand could still do some pretty bad damage if it got me. Not giving him the opportunity to try, I knocked it out of his hands and kicked him like a kangaroo in the groin. As I expected it only staggered him but when he turned to find his blade, I charged.

I jumped on his back and sank my teeth deep into his shoulder, making him howl like an enraged dragon and buck like a wild bull to try and shake me loose. I held on tight though, even as he spun and I clawed at his face, trying to get at his eyes. After all, you can't stab someone if you can't see…

He finally threw me and I landed on the sticky kitchen floor. Lucky for me, there was a cast iron skillet within reach so once he came at me again with another knife, I was ready. It probably looked like that scene in _**Kill Bill**_ with The Bride and Vivica Fox but I was just trying to hold him off until Carlos could get to him and get to him he did. A bullet shattered Jackson's kneecap and I lashed out with a left cross to his temple. Down goes Frasier!

An almost peaceful silence descended, broken only by heavy breathing by both of us and the chirping birds outside.

"Did you get him?" I asked after a few minutes with a nod towards the living room.

"Yes. He's out like a light. Are you okay?"

"Ask me when the adrenaline wears off.", I replied as I cuffed Jackson's hands and zip tied his ankles. "Help me move him. We'll take him too."

Carlos grabbed his shoulders and I got his ankles as we half carried, half dragged Jackson to his heavily bruised and bloody cousin. I could see a couple of teeth floating in a pool of vomit and I grimaced.

"Overkill, much?"

"He called you a cunt. He's lucky he's still breathing."

"I've been called worse, Carlos."

"Irrelevant. I'm not going to let some asshole insult you if I can help it. It's a part of us being idiots together. As is dragging half dead bodies together. It's good practice for the string of cross country homicides we'll eventually do." he replied with a half smile.

My laughter was ragged and borderline hysterical but genuine.


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Last night taught me what FFN's really about. It's about the love and support of each other and I appreciate all your response to the last A/Ns shout out. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I could hear a crowd of both law enforcement and gossip mongers outside and I sighed deeply. It's times like these that make me wonder why I even bother to stay in Trenton. Sure, everyone knows me and I know them and I know the area but that's a double edged sword. I always feel like a goldfish in a bowl or if I'm walking through a minefield, always being watched and not knowing when the next explosion of scathing criticism will come. Well, more like a scathing cattle prod now that I've dropped Morelli and my mother like a hot potato…

"You can slip out the back if you want. I'll meet you back at Haywood." Carlos offered seriously. Aww…he's so sweet.

"That's what Old Stephanie would do. I said that I was done hiding and I meant it. Get Willie's shoulders."

He did so and we resumed our drag/carry system out into the sunny early morning. Both of them were starting to come to on the grass and I unholstered my pistols, pointing them at their kneeling forms steadily.

"If you move or speak, I'll blow your heads off and I ain't talking about the ones holding your busted teeth in. Flat on the ground."

Jackson dropped immediately but Willie gave me a blistering, one eyed glare. He'd use both but unfortunately (not), one was swollen shut, looking vaguely like a blueberry crueler. Mmm…blueberry crueler. Today was a Tastykakes day for sure…

"Look, Wet Willie, you called me a cunt _**and**_ your pet gorilla tried to fillet me _**and**_ my mother just snarled that she wish that she'd kept her diaphragm in so I wouldn't be here _**and**_ I have to pee. I'm not in the mood for your shit or anyone else's. Get down **now**."

To drive my point home, I fired a warning shot, grazing precariously close to his neck. Willie dropped like a stone and I turned away, scoping out the scene as Carlos loaded them into the Turbo. I saw money changing hands between Big Dog and Eddie and the red mist returned with a vengeance. Holstering my weapons, I marched over to them and gripped Eddie's wrist like a vice, much to his wide eyed shock. He tried to tug his arm away but my nails dug in, making him hiss in pain. Good.

"Give it here or the arm comes off."

"Look, Steph, it's just…"

"…a bunch of selfish, tactless fuckers betting on my life again. Look at that hole in the door. That hole could've easily been in me and your gravy train would be six feet under. Give me the money or Shirley will be a widow."

"Do what she says." Carlos urged with a voice that made the Artic seem like Aruba.

To my surprise, not only did Eddie hand over his winnings but 9 other officers did too, the earnings in excess of 550 dollars. The 550 dollars found a nice, comfy home in my Body by Victoria and I gave a venomous glare to all of them until they squirmed like toddlers.

"Spread the word. No more Bombshell Bets or you'll end up with fried balls like Morelli. Got it? Good. What's the damage, Carlos?"

"Needs a new passenger side window but it didn't blow up. I'd say that's a huge improvement from your usual car based mayhem."

"Bite me, Ranger!"

"After work, Babe. Come on."

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"Proud of you, Babe. It's hot watching you standing up for yourself."

"Lucky for you, I plan on doing it a lot more often. The Burg's gonna have to find a new doormat. Be a peach and take them to receiving? I'm gonna pee and then I'm taking you to lunch. I'm good for it, now."

"Babe.", I chuckled as she playfully adjusted her bra.

My eyes slid down to her luscious ass as she departed and I had to look away before I touched her. I was a lucky bastard…

"Hello, Ranger." an unpleasantly familiar voice greeted on my way back to Steph.

There are few people in this world, male or female, that I have more disdain for than Joyce Barnhardt. She was nothing more than a predator, a manipulative shrew that ate men for lunch. She had stolen Babe's husband from her and insisted on screwing that sick little weasel Vinnie. She made no secret her lust for me and her hatred of Steph and I wanted nothing to do with her.

"Hello, Joyce." I replied with the bare amount of politeness.

She was in some vinyl and lace bustier contraption and her skirt barely covered her ass. She flipped her obviously dyed red hair back and gave me a smile that turned my stomach and shriveled my balls. How any sane man could find her appealing was beyond my comprehension…

"So, I heard a sad rumor about you and Stephanie. Apparently, you two are together. That's not true, is it, baby?" she cooed as her press on nails walked up my arm. Great, now I'd have to bleach it….

"It's _**very**_ true and it's not changing any time soon. Get your hands off of me.", I replied with flat frost that guaranteed distance.

Unfortunately, all that sex with Mr. Ed and Vinnie and god knows what else numbed her to simple fear and she slithered closer.

"Stephanie doesn't know what to do with men. I mean, come on. I took Orr, I took Morelli…"

_**Excuse me**_?

"…and I'll get my hands on you. It's only a matter of…"

Her head was yanked back and all feeling returned to my groin as Steph dug her nails into Joyce's scalp, making her yelp in pain.

"Stay away from my man, slut! You took The Dick, you took Morelli, which in retrospect was a favor but you will not sink your claws, teeth, or your animal diseased pussy into my Carlos or I'll snap you like a twig!"

"Babe, let her go."

"Not until she promises to stay away from you!"

"I'll do no such..._**owww!**_ Okay, okay, Jesus! I'll leave him alone!"

Steph shoved her away and she fell on her ass due to the black hooker boots she had on. Steph's cheeks were hot pink with rage and her big blue eyes were a sharp shade of cobalt and she never looked more fuckable in my eyes. Forget food, I wanted _**her**_ for lunch.

"Babe, I called Tank to give us a lift home. Why don't you go and wait for him?"

Babe gave Joyce a last cool look and she was her normal self again, smiling brilliantly with no sadness in sight. Huh. I guess she was right about violence being therapeutic.

"I need a donut." She simply declared before walking out, presumably to go get a donut.

For once, I'm not going to protest it. She took down a gorilla, stood up to the Cops, and almost yanked Joyce's head off to defend my honor and what's left of my virtue... all before noon. I really am a lucky bastard to have her in my life.

Coming to a decision, I followed after her, pulling out my wallet.

She had earned a whole case of donuts.


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Daylight Savings was invented solely to torture people with chronic insomnia. Just throwing that out there. Okay, so when we left off, Steph had opened a family sized case of whoop ass on some folks and that is always good in Ranger's eyes…and not so good in others. You'll see what I mean. More R/S tenderness and smexing will be after this and then…improv, ahoy! I'm thinking of adding some Miami time into the equation…**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Morelli's POV**

"What happened to your arm, Eddie?"

It was a goddamned mess. It looked like it had been in the muzzle of a Bulldog (or Bob when he's hungry) and oozing red through the black and blue bruising. Eddie actually chuckled and put his piece on his desk.

"Steph happened. She saw us dispensing the latest Pot and she threw a fit. She threatened to rip my arm off if I didn't hand over the cash and I don't think she was kidding. The rest of the boys handed their stuff over too after Ranger got up in it. She also said that if we keep betting on her, she'll make us eunuchs like you. I'll talk to ya in a few. I gotta get this wrapped."

Of course it was Cupcake. Every time someone gets hurt around here, she's got something to do with it. And every time the Brass is on my ass, she's got something to do with it too. Cap had heard about what had happened at the Plum's and instead of assigning blame to the right people, it got hoist on me. Now, I admit that going over there soon after hitting her (I still can't believe I did that) was a damn dumb idea but I hadn't expected her dad to come at me with a shotgun or that lawyer punkass to get in the middle. And it had been a while. Cupcake always cooled down after our fights after a few days. I figured that if I kept coming around, she'd escape from her keepers long enough for me to get her back.

Once again, she did the exact opposite of what I wanted and not only disrespected her mother, she had said that she wanted _**Manoso's**_ babies and to be _**his **_wife. After everything we've been through together, after all the time I spent trying to get her to marry me, after all of her excuses, she chooses that fucker over me? I still can't believe it…

My cell phone rang and I answered, "Morelli."

"_Joseph, this is Mrs. Plum. Please don't hang up."_

"Hello, mom. How are you holding up?" I asked as I gratefully got away from the avalanche of forms on my desk. Ass duty sucks…

"_Terribly! Frank's taken to sleeping in the Den, my mother won't even __**look**__ at me and now Valerie has changed her phone numbers! My family is falling apart and I don't know what to do!"_

"Have you tried contacting Cupcake? Since all that is her fault, maybe she could…"

"_I don't want anything to do with that girl until she leaves that…that Carlos creature she's insisting on carousing with! I just don't understand that girl! I find her a respectable lawyer, she divorces him and now, she's got the nerve to reject and abuse you? Ugh…oh, how is your arm, Joseph? Have you gotten that awful cast off?"_

"Not yet. It should be off in a couple of days. Look, mom. If you want your family back, then all you have to do is act like you accept what's going on."

"_But I __**don't**__!"_

"I _**know **_that, mom. But if you want to get them to listen to reason, you have to act like it for a little while. At least long enough to get them talking to you again. Meanwhile, I'll keep my head down long enough to get off the Cap's shit list and then, I'll try again with Cupcake. Manoso's only using her for sex. Once the novelty of that wears off, she'll be back in the Burg begging for forgiveness."

I saw Eddie heading back and I quickly hung up, not wanting to look suspicious. Cap said that if I stepped out of line again, then I'd be suspended without pay and I can't have that happening. After all, until I get Cupcake back, I have women to see because I am _**not**_ a goddamned eunuch. I'm an Italian Stallion and I need to sow my oats.

I can't very well do that with an empty wallet.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"Get on your stomach, Babe. I want to see if your back's okay."

"It's probably not but I don't think anything's broken." I replied as I climbed into bed, already nude.

Even when we don't make love, I have a tendency to lose my clothes when Carlos and I share a bed so I just decided to quit being a prude and be naked with him. He has made it abundantly clear that he thinks I'm sexy and desirable so why shouldn't I feel the same way? Oh. Maybe it's because of the big, Oscar the Grouch green, royal blue and ugly black bruise on my back. Damn, no wonder I'm hurting…

"_**Querida**_." Carlos sighed, before pressing a tender kiss to the wound.

"I'm okay, Batman. Just need a band-aid."

He hissed something angrily in Spanish and I winced as the images filled my head.

"I don't think it's humanly possible for someone's legs and ass to do that and I don't want you testing it out, you hear me? No conjugal visits for you!" I declared in a perfect Soup Nazi imitation.

His laughter rumbled in his chest and I passed him the bruise balm. Soon, I was smiling contently into my pillow as he massaged all the knots and tension out of my back. Another thing that's different from The Dick and Morelli is that Carlos is very affectionate. It was a pleasant surprise. After all, he's Big Badass Ranger, the man that nobody from the streets to Capitol Hill wants to fuck with. Who knew that he was a cuddler and a nuzzler and a very willing masseuse? In the words of Lula, I am one damn lucky bitch…

"So, you want my children, huh?"

I was wondering when he'd bring that part of the _**Visit**_ up…

"Mm-hm."

"And you want to marry me?"

"Mm-hm."

"I thought all that stuff made you break out in hives, Babe. What's changed?"

"It's kinda hard to explain. Things might get a little lost in translation."

"Try me. I understand you 90% of the time, anyway."

True. Very, very true. The man could write a Steph to English dictionary, if he so chose. I turned over and met his gaze.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared of that stuff but for different reasons, now. I'm not scared of being tied down to you. I like that, whether it's figurative or literal…"

He gave me a wolf grin that sent tingles straight down my spine but I really needed to get this out.

"…and having _**your **_kids would be fine because I know you'd actually help me with them so I don't turn into that mom from that book that locked her kids in the attic and made them all incestuous and crazy…"

"Losing me, Babe."

"Right. Sorry… I'm not afraid of marriage or kids anymore. Now, I'm just afraid of screwing it up."

"You wouldn't."

"Knowing that in my head and knowing that in my heart are two very different things, Carlos. And it's not like I have Mother of the Year to use as an example."

"You know what _**not **_to do to our child, don't you?"

"Yeah. I know not to discourage any dream they have, no matter how out to lunch it sounds. I know to believe them when they say something isn't their fault unless the evidence of otherwise is staring me in the face. I definitely know not to push them towards anyone they don't want to be around. I know not to let anybody run roughshod over their feelings and how not to do it myself…but is that enough?"

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"More than enough."

Her earnest eyes filled up with such staggering relief and joy that I couldn't help but kiss her. She surrendered immediately and plunged her tongue aggressively into my mouth. Steph had been less shy about her sexuality and I was more than willing to let her use her newfound freedom on me. I let her put me on my back and straddle me, still kissing the hell out of me.

Gently, I let my fingers fan over the small of her back, gently stroking the bruise there. Wet Willie and Kenny needed to be put under the prison, not only for their actions against an innocent woman but to my Babe. Like I said before, I will not tolerate any Tom, Dick, and Harry giving her shit or hurting her. I may have taken it a little too far with the bastard earlier but I have no qualms about doing it again. I'm a vengeful person.

And speaking of vengeance…

Before she could even gasp, she was underneath me and I gently cuffed her wrists to the headboard, grinning like a madman.

"What the hell are you…oh, **_jeez_**..." she groaned as she connected the dots.

"Paybacks are a bitch, Babe."

Her rebuttal was lost in a scream as I plunged my tongue into her to the hilt.


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Good morning, everybody. I'm horribly sick yet again so that means that the Muses are in tiptop shape. Damn It. In order to take my mind off of my sore, congested, orange juiceless misery, I'm gonna write some hot, sweaty (and a little bit kinky) revenge smex. Once again, all Spanish is courtesy of Google Translate and I apologize for any inaccuracies.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

"_Jesus __**Christ, **__Carlos!" _I hollered as something ice cold unexpectedly touched my heated slit and I opened my eyes to see him holding a pint of mint chocolate chip gelato and a small paintbrush?

"What…how did you… I didn't…you don't even _**like**_ sweets…"

He just gave me a predatory smile and set his art supplies aside. His kiss was very tender and soft, nothing like the throbbing monster damn near pinning me to the mattress. God, I needed that beast in me yesterday!

"I never said that I didn't like sweets. I just don't eat them often. Can you guess my favorites?"

"Umm…me and mint chocolate ice cream and now you're gonna be evil and combine them both until I scream myself hoarse and pass out yet again?", I guessed as he kissed back to my throbbing, aching, needing him _**now**_ pussy.

"I've always said that you're a genius, Babe."

Oh, holy fuck. I knew that tying Batman up had been a damn dumb (and mind meltingly sexy) idea but he hadn't been complaining at the time of said tying. That should've been a warning sign, not to mention his favorite promise. "Paybacks are a bitch, Babe" How many times has he said that to me and h-how many times have I l-let my guard down so he could…

"Mine!" he growled before capturing my clit between his teeth.

Hopefully I can find all the pieces to my melted brain later.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I have to give her credit. She did scream herself hoarse but she is very conscious and struggling like a hellcat against the cuffs. She was a damn sexy sight, the pink from earlier all over her skin, instead of just her cheeks. Her hair was wildly tangled and her eyes were the deepest, sharpest, most beautiful blue I've ever seen.

"Looking a little crazy there, Babe."

A low snarl escaped her and I was pleasantly surprised to hear her yell at me in my native tongue.

"_**Usted **__**hombre **__**malo**__**! **__**Si **__**yo**__** no **__**te **__**quiero tanto**__**, **__**yo te **__**tiro en **__**la**__** polla**__**!**__"_ (You evil man! If I didn't love you so much, I'd shoot you in the dick!)

"That would hurt you more than it would hurt me and you know it, Babe."

The glare she gave me could've blistered paint and I let her loose. She knocked me flat on my back and straddled me, looking at me like she was unsure whether to ride me or choke me out. I made the decision for her and her scream could probably heard by the whole Burg.

Good.

She whimpered softly as her body took me fully and I drew her into a kiss, sucking on her trembling lower lip. Her hips began to move and I sat up, letting her cling tightly to me with her limbs. Her trimmed (and bitten) nails scratched lightly at the nape of my neck and my back and I tilted her head back, bringing my lips to her throbbing jugular. Her pace was steady and had me seeing stars, especially as she started to come. The woman was tighter than a vice to begin with but…_**damn**_…

A hard shudder racked her form and I broke our kiss to let her scream and scream as she climaxed, her words a breathless mix of English, Spanish, and even a little bit of Italian. I've always appreciated my Babe's diversity…

"_**Fuck…"**_ I groaned and hissed as my own orgasm punched me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me and sent us to the mattress in a tangled heap. She was wheezing softly and limply collapsed next to me, her face buried in the crook of my arm.

"Babe?"

"Unh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Mmmm…" she purred happily, making me laugh.

"Are you still pissed at me?"

"Mmm…not really…got a Doomsday Orgasm out of your evil so I guess s'ok…"

"Orgasms _**do**_ make everything better." I leered, expecting her to hit me and call me a sicko like she usually does.

Nothing.

"Babe?"

A loud snore was my response and I kissed her brow tenderly.

"Good night, Babe."


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: I'm finally on the mend, y'all…and blatantly procrastinating. The English essay I can do before bed or early in the morn but the Algebra…well, at least it's not due until 6****th**** hour and I actually know how to do it so…yay. I'm so glad that you enjoyed Ranger's revenge and I'll be sure to include more nakedness later on. Right now, we're going to get a little more in depth on the now fractured Plum family.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Grandma Mazur's POV**

I don't understand where I went wrong with her, that daughter of mine. Harry and I raised her good, to be open minded, to stand up for what she believed in, and to loyally love until the end. Somehow, it wasn't enough. This goddamned Burg that used to be so safe, so positive took my little girl and turned her into a monster. It takes a village to raise a child but a bad apple in the barrel can ruin everything. Helen had found those bad apples, those people who shrouded themselves in prim proper politeness and Home Ec and turned her into someone none of us recognize.

It had started after she married Frank. Now, I like the boy. He's got good credit, he's a hard worker, and he stuck by her, even after she got pregnant with Valerie. A lesser man would've walked away from her and Helen knew it. She knew it so much that she strove to become the perfect wife and mother, twisting and pulling herself into the new Burg wife mold until she lived and breathed for it all. I watched as she doted on Frank and Valerie and for a moment, I thought that she would be okay, that she'd be able to eventually come back to the ideals we gave her.

And then…Stephanie. Oh my favorite little Wonder Woman! She has been a firecracker from the day she was born, screeching like a hellcat as a 9 pound, 10 oz preemie. She walked before she was 1 and was potty trained by 3. She loved to read and draw dance and sing and just be free, something that Frank and I adored. Valerie may be the one to live the American Dream but Stephanie's the one to change it.

Helen refused to accept that. She did everything she could to discourage that girl, to make her feel like a freak for daring to be different. She made her take Home Ec and tried to force her into housewife Boot Camp like she had with Valerie. She put the needs of the Burg ahead of her, even taking their side when that no good, cocksucking bastard Morelli child hurt her! She yelled constantly, she guilt tripped and then had the nerve to be _**surprised**_ when Stepphie went all the way to St. Louis for college or rather that she went to college at all! And everyone started talking about how Helen let her daughter run off, that she had no idea how to raise children…

And _**of course**_, in Helen's eyes, it's all Stephanie's fault! She's too stubborn, too arrogant, too crazy, why couldn't she just be like Valerie or some other Burg bitch's daughter, why her, why her…._**ugh!**_

What she said to Stephanie during that humdinger of a dinner 2 weeks ago was the final straw. Even at her worst, I have never said that I wished that I never had Helen and the fact that she could say it so easily to Stephanie made me gag and not in the good way!

I'm not dealing with her anymore. Every time she tries to start her ranting, I go the other way. I don't talk to her past bare minimum politeness ("Good morning, good afternoon, good night, I'm going out…") When I'm here for a meal, I don't sit with her, I go and sit with Frank. He's gone back to being his quiet, stick in the mud, TV watching self but it's different now. He's lost that defeated edge to him, now and I have a feeling that if I think Hurricane Helen's been a doozy, then Hurricane Frank's gonna be the storm to end all storms.

Luckily, I've got ring side seats.

_**/**_

**Frank's POV**

"Hi, Daddy. I'm sorry I'm late."

I stood up and hugged my oldest tightly as she joined me at Shorty's. It had a rep as a dive but it had good food and few spies for Helen. The Cop, I wasn't so sure about but I'd cross that bridge later if need be. I had my old sniper rifle in the attic and with some bullets, I could blow the damn bridge's head off like I should've years ago…

" Don't worry about it. How are you, Princess?" I asked, forcing my mind away from justifiable homicide.

She slumped into the booth and sighed.

"Sad, Daddy. It's hard not talking to mom but I made Albert and myself a promise. Until she stops being so hateful and stupid, I can't deal with her or let her around my girls. I…I don't want them to end up like her."

"They won't, Valerie. Your mother…there's something not right that not even that twisted Mazur DNA can explain. I don't know what happened to her. She used to be a sweet girl, a girl that loved life and those around her freely but somewhere down the line, she changed. The closest explanation I have is that the Burg got to her, especially after our marriage."

"Exactly! And I'm like her! I'm a lot like her! What if , Christ forbid, I say what she said to Steph to one of my girls? I'd _**die**_!"

"That's not going to happen, Valerie. The fact that you're worrying about it shows it and let me tell you, I think your sister would shoot you before you got too crazy."

"Or have Ranger send me to a third world country. I hear he does that to his men when they screw up.", she chuckled before deciding to eat real food for once and grabbing a slice.

The "third world country" bit doesn't surprise me. After Stephanie first brought him around, I used some of my old contacts to get information on the man. He had been an Army Ranger (hence the street name) and a damn fine Colonel. He had worked missions for Special Forces until 7 months ago when he declined to sign his contract, citing "personal reasons". I'd bet both my balls that all of those personal reasons revolved around the Bombshell Bounty Hunter that we all loved and worried about…

"Daddy, are you gonna divorce mom?"

I winced at the question and sighed deeply.

"I'm strongly considering it. I've thought about it off and on since Morelli stole your sister's virginity and she decided to blame her but…we've married for a long time, Valerie and even though she's been a complete hag, she's my wife and we promised forever…"

She set down her sweet tea and cut in sagely, "It sucks. It sucks royally when you realize that the person you stood in front of everyone you love and hate and promised til death does you part is no longer the person you fell in love with. And it's bad when there's a series of betrayals leading up to all of it but…if your mind and heart are saying to cut her loose, then you'll have to or things will never change. You gotta throw the bathwater out eventually."

"You're right. I know you are but…"

She took my hands and smiled sadly.

"You don't have to make a decision immediately, Daddy. I mean, divorce is a big messy thing and one that's serious. And hey, mom may change. I mean, the planets have been overdue to align and I swear I saw a flying pig on the way here…"

I laughed ruefully and nodded. Even if Helen and I do divorce, I won't be alone. I'll have my daughters and that crazy old bat.

They won't let this old man run himself into the ground.


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: So, Spring Break is good for the muse, apparently. I've finished two stories and brought one out of deep freeze. If things keep going well, I can probably finish two more, bringing my WIP number back into the single digits since….well, it was before we had to move, that's for sure. I'm glad because I really don't want to write anymore stories (other than oneshots) until I finish the ones I've got. Some of the damn things haven't been touched since September, for the love of God! **

**Never mind all that. I'm glad you guys enjoyed the little Plum family interlude from last update and I'll return to that later. Right now, I'm gonna stir the pot a bit more on the upcoming shit storm that Morelli and Helen are coming up with and put in some more Ranger/Steph awesomeness. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

"Hey, Cupc- Stephanie."

I turned and saw Morelli leaning against the door frame of the holding cell area. His cast and sling were finally off and he didn't have a limp anymore. Shame. The visible reminder of my new strength had become a real pick me up…not that I needed one. Being with Carlos has made me happier than a duck before Vinnie gets to it, not to mention that I caught another big fish (a sleazy counterfeiter with a deadly weapon) without getting hurt or dumped in garbage. In fact, I had picked the lock only to find the man passed out asleep on his couch…in teddy bear pajamas and sucking his thumb. All I had to do was nudge him awake and then threaten to go to the papers with the pictures I had taken and bam! 10 Grand in the bank, baby and before noon again! It had been a _**glorious**_ day.

Well, up until now anyway…

"Morelli. What do you want?" I asked coolly as he came into the area fully.

"I just wanted to say hi, that's all." he said with soft puppy eyes. Soft puppy eyes that dipped into my cleavage like a ladle into soup…

"I don't care if Bob or your scarred Boys miss me. I'm with Ranger and that's not changing anytime soon." I declared with full Burg attitude. I'm really not in the mood for any of his-

"I know that and I just want to apologize for my behavior. I acted like a real asshole to you and if Manoso makes you happy, then I guess I can be happy for you."

What… the… _**fuck?**_ Who the hell is this pod person from Neptune and what have they done with the Morelli I know? He's hated Carlos from _**Minute**_ One and has been our most vocal of naysayers (other than Helen, of course). Not only that but I broke up with him loudly, permanently, and painfully in _**Pino's**_, the epicenter of the Burg! It's Urban Legend, now for chrissakes! I crippled him and made him be known to the other cops as "Detective Eunuch", "Detective Slot Machine" or "Xena Plum's First Victim"! He should not be saying that he's happy for me and Carlos! He should be his usual, shit starting overbearing Italian jackass self! My frown became more confused than annoyed and I looked at him warily.

"Did you get into Mooner's stash or your brother's moonshine that no one's supposed to know about?"

He laughed (_**laughed!**_) and replied, "No, I'm sober. I'm turning over a new leaf, Steph. I thought you'd be happy about it."

"Oh believe me, I _**am!**_ I'm just…surprised, is all. Look, I gotta get back to Haywood so…yeah. Bye."

I kept my back faced away from him (in case Pod Morelli had a rusty dagger hidden on him) and quickly dialed Ranger as I hauled ass down the street in my still intact sedan.

"_Yo."_

"Yo, yourself, Batman. Look here, I think something's not kosher with Morelli. I ran into him at the Cop Shop and not only was he _**nice**_, he said that he was _**happy**_ for us!"

I heard a muttered "what the fuck?" in Spanish on his end and if I wasn't so freaked, I'd be pissing myself laughing. Confused Batman is very rare and _**very**_ amusing…

"_Did he get into Mooner's stash or that moonshine that his brother brews that no one's supposed to know about?"_

Huh. Great minds really _**do **_think alike.

"I haven't the faintest clue but I'm _**scared**_. Carlos, I think he's gone off the deep end and people going off the deep end around me _**never**_ turns out to be a good thing…"

"_It's usually not your fault, Steph.", _he soothed._  
_

"I know that, Carlos but…jeez! What do we do?"

"_Perhaps we should take this at face value…"_

"Fuck that shit! What do we _**do**_?", I snapped.

He chuckled and after a minute, he replied, _"I think it's time that we do some Recon, Babe. Meet me in the garage in 15. Bye."_

Recon? Oh. I better make a little stop before joining him, then. And…hey, he said _**Bye**_! I think I've finally managed to get some phone manners into his brain. Go me!

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I was just as rattled as Steph was but years of training kept it under wraps better. Well, except for the reflexive "What the fuck?" from the phone that I know she's going to rag on me mercilessly for. I suppose that was one of the drawbacks of her being fluent in Spanish, now. And this was _**certainly**_ a "what the fuck?" situation. Morelli was a jackass that hated any form of relationship that Babe and I had. He had hit her for choosing me and he had been horrified at the mere mention of Steph wanting my babies and ring.

He claiming to be happy for us, after all the shit he's kicked up over the years is a scarlet flag, not just a red one. Figuring out just what he's playing at is priority one because I swear to God, if he hurts my Babe _**one more time**_…

Her sedan pulled in next to the turbo and she joined me quickly, armed with her taser, her gun, and…a bag of gas station sweets, chips, and soda?

"RangeMan Recon means stakeout and stakeouts with me means junk and a lot of it. Yeah, I know this stuff's gonna kill me sooner rather than later but that's just the way things are, Carlos. Besides, I can think of a couple dozen ways you can help me burn all this off…" she leered.

So could I. With a nod, I led her to the back part of the garage and chose an old but still sound blue jetta.

"He'd be expecting a black car and the Turbo. We want to be incognito. Got it.", she mused more to herself than me.

"Exactly. Want to drive?"

"Nope. I want to see you behind the wheel of this." she chuckled before climbing in the passenger's seat.

I heaved a long suffering sigh and settled in, pulling out into the partly cloudy day. I noticed that some of the leaves were starting to turn and I could see some people hosing off holiday displays. Damn, where had the time gone…?

"Time flies when we're having fun being idiots together, doesn't it?" she asked sagely as she opened a big bag of Cheetos.

"Indeed it does. Did I mention how much I like the label you've come up with for us?"

"With our history, it makes sense. Besides, I don't know about you but I'm too damn old for that boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense. I'm almost 40."

"Not for another 5 years, Babe and you don't look a day over 25."

"Flatterer. There he goes."

The next 3 hours was spent tailing Morelli to various crime scenes (he was off probation, now. Another thing to factor into his "new leaf" decision), on errands (I really do**_ not_** want to know what he's picking up a prescription for), and then finally, the Route 12 Inn about halfway between Trenton and Newark. Much to my stomach twisting horror, Joyce Barndhart stepped out of Room 69 (how classy) in nothing but a sheer teddy and no panties. She literally yanked Morelli in and we both winced as images filled our heads of what unholiness was going down in there. Or who... _**Oh**_. Oh, _**Madre de Dios**_, help me…

"I think I'm gonna be sick." I groaned as I stole the rest of Steph's 2 liter of coke, needing the sugar buzz.

"You and me both, Batman. You know, it's more than a little amusing that you can just walk into hell and Mordor and all sorts of Bombshell mayhem without batting an eye but Joyce can make you want to toss your cookies and go hide under our bed."

"Joyce Barndhart makes Mordor look like Pre-K...and I **_like_** your mayhem."

She giggled but then looked concerned as a thought dawned on her.

"What?"

"I hope Terry's making him use a rubber because if he's screwing Joyce, then her doodah's gonna ooze and itch like a mo-fo if he's bareback."

I don't know which image made me more ill: Morelli naked, Joyce naked, or Terry Gillman's itching, oozing pussy. Oh, I need a drink…

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

After 45 minutes at the Inn (only 45 minutes…_**huh!**_ Italian Stallion, my skinny ass!), we tailed him back to Trenton, where he stopped at his place for a few (probably to get all the Joyce, Vinnie, and animal ick off of him) and then we ended up at Shorty's. My stomach took the time to announce its desire for real food and we went in, taking a table in the shadows. We could see the front door and the booth where Morelli was sitting at so it was all good. My Spidey sense was going off the charts with "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" alarms and it actually made the skin on my arm start to itch. I made to scratch it but Carlos' urgent kick to my shin made me glare at him…

…and see Helen enter the place and sit right across from Morelli. Morelli smiled at her (and called her Mom…she's _**my**_ mom, you bastard…well, biologically, anyway) and she praised how handsome he looked and glad that "awful, awful" cast was off of him. They spent the rest of the time exchanging Burg raised pleasantries and Morelli told her that he had spent the afternoon volunteering in a soup kitchen in Newark (wow, really? Last time I checked Joyce's doodah was _**not**_ a soup kitchen) before they got to the nitty-gritty, namely surprise wedding plans.

Wedding plans that did not involve me and Carlos but me and Morelli, making me send praises to Ave Maria and Thor, the Thunder God for my Spidey sense. New leaf, my skinny and Carlos' fine asses! He was trying to shanghai me into marrying him and was hoping that my mother and The Burg would help. Unh-unh, Copper. That's _**not**_ how it's gonna go down…you goddamned fucking…!

Meeting Carlos' thunderous gaze, I channeled my inner Rhino Lula into seven heavy with rage words.

"_**Oh, hell no**_…Carlos, this means **_war_**."

"Fuckin' A right, it does, Babe."


	17. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: And now for the real fun. I'm glad that you guys are responding well to the new plot. I got the idea from my trolling and I think it'll mesh well with **_**Unstoppable…**_**well, even it doesn't, I'll certainly make it amusing and smutty in all the right ways. I always love when Morelli and Helen get PWNED Babe style and I hope you guys enjoy these next few chapters.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Helen's POV**

After hanging up the phone with young Father Matthews, I sighed contently and crossed another item off of my checklist. Stephanie's wedding day would be two months from Friday, giving me plenty of time to round up some bridesmaids, find her a dress, and even hire a caterer. Joseph was arranging the bachelor and bachelorette parties and even a bit of time at the spa for her. He was such a good man, much better than that Cuban Monster that she was living in sin with…

"What are you working on?"

I jumped and saw Frank in the pantry doorway, looking at me suspiciously. He had been working triple shifts at the Cab Company and spending very little time at home. Any other wife would be concerned but I'm not. My Frank isn't going anywhere. Who else would make that his shirts are pressed and that he gets good meals in a timely fashion?

"Just a new recipe, Frank. What are you doing home so early?", I greeted with a soft smile.

"I'm not staying long. I just came to get a sandwich. Do we have any cold cuts?"

"I just went to the deli this morning. Why don't you go and sit down? I can make your lunch for you."

"I've got it, Helen." he replied coolly before taking his leave. I put my list behind my new bottle of Old Turkey and followed him out. His hair was growing much too long for my tastes (it was starting to look like Stephanie's) and there was dirt under his fingernails. Why couldn't he keep himself up a little better? After all, we have a reputation to hold up around here!

"Frank, have you heard from Valerie or Stephanie?", I asked as he cleaned up his mess. Joseph urged me to start asking about both girls, saying that it would get me back into his good graces faster...

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Well, they haven't been around to dinner…"

The cold look in his eyes made the words die in my throat.

"After what happened last time, you should count yourself fortunate that they haven't come back!" he snapped, making me roll my eyes.

Was he still on that damned dinner? All right, so I was a bit too forward in my opinions but it all needed to be said. If I had known that Stephanie would be so much of a hassle to deal with, I would have never allowed the pregnancy to continue. Wait…no, that's not true. I would've allowed it (after all, we were Catholics) but I would've given her up for adoption, immediately. Let her sully someone else's family name…

"Frank, we've discussed what I said and I've even apologized for it. How long are you going to hold it over my head?"

He shook his head with disgust and I knew that my little attempt had backfired in the worst way. It seems like I'm going to need another dose of my medicine...

"You've apologized to me and that crazy old bat, not to Stephanie and until you do so and mean it, it's gonna stay over your head. Don't bother cooking, I'm not gonna be home in time for dinner."

"Where are you going?"

The slam of the front door was his reply and I frowned. Frank has never been this cold to me before, even when I disciplined Stephanie previously. What was so different about now? And just where was he going to be if he wasn't going to be at dinner? Frank was a creature of habit, a predictable man that could be depended on to work, eat, and occasionally demand his husbandly needs satisfied (not that he has in the last 2 years) but now, he was shaking things up. He had been ever since he almost shot poor Joseph (and broke my one of a kind Ming vase from Manhattan) but I hadn't been concerned until now. Frank would never cheat on me (I firmly knew that) so what was he…

Abruptly, my mind went back to his brutish yelling during the dinner and I paled.

"…_**you'll be known to all your little friends as the **_**former**_** Mrs. Plum…"**_

He wasn't!

_**Was he?**_

_**/**_

**Frank's POV**

I haven't always been a stay at home cab driver. Not too long ago, I was known as Shadow, the top man in the Dark Ops circles. Basically, I was the 1960s and 70s version of Pumpkin's man, only without the Cuban background and penchant for making things explode unnecessarily during my many missions. Sheesh, no wonder he and Stephanie are soul mates… the point is that I'm pretty damn good at finding out if people are lying to me and how to get the truth. Helen was definitely lying to me and I was willing to bet both of my balls (again) that that fucking no good Morelli boy had something to do with it. I 86'd going to him because A) I'd never get a straight answer out of smarmy bastard, B) The Information Stupid Highway or The Burg Grapevine would get it back to Helen at warp speed and C) I'd kill him. I know I would.

"You really think Helen's dense enough to pull what you think she is after that yummy Bounty Hunter's claimed our Wonder Woman?", my passenger asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. Now, tell me again what you heard, Charlotte."

Edna had become my ears in the Burg and she picked the codename Charlotte after the spider in the girls' favorite bedtime story. Since Val was busy with her family and Steph was up to her eyebrows in Ranger (something I really don't want to dwell on), I'm the go-to man for getting her around town. I honestly didn't mind the whole secret agent bit she was putting on because not only did it put a little zing back into my life, it kept her out of perverted trouble. Now, if we could just work on the whole trigger happy thing…

"Sir, yes sir. Okay, so I was talkin' to Bertha Matthews after I lit my candles for the girls and all that man steak Stepphie rolls with and she told me that her baby boy was gonna officiate his first wedding in a couple of months. When I asked her who was gettin' hitched, she said it was a big surprise but it would be the toast of the Burg, especially with my "lovely daughter" coming up with the decor and menu. Red flag. So, I ditched her and I snuck upstairs to his office and I heard him on the phone with a Detective, discussing vows and I heard "Cupcake" on the other end. Only that Morelli yutz would call a woman Cupcake so that's why I called ya. I'm glad we're on the same wavelength for once."

"Me too. So, you want me to confirm that Helen and that fool are trying to cobble together another Dickie Orr disaster of a wedding and then warn Pumpkin and Ranger?"

"Mm-hm. And if the little man of the cloth won't cooperate, then I got something that'll make him…" she trailed off evilly.

"Woman, we're gonna be in a church! You can't shoot him!"

"I wasn't talkin' about my gun, Colonel Smarty-pants! I was talkin' about the lace number I picked at Pleasure Treasures for my date with Enrique tonight. If he doesn't cooperate, then I'll just flash 'em like in that _**Austin Powers**_ movie Steph took me to see…"

I let my head drop to the steering wheel with a dull thump, even as she cackled at me and called me an uptight stick in the mud, as always.

Please, Dear God. I'm begging you. _**Please**_ don't make it come to that. Hail Mary, full of Grace…


	18. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: My muse is hot to trot for this fic. I'm glad you guys approve of my Frank/Edna Dynamic Duo kick and they'll be back soon. Let's move forward, shall we? I think you guys are gonna like this chapter, even with the semi cliffhanger at the end. I know I did.  
**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

"Mr. Plum?", I asked as I stopped at the front desk.

"It's Frank, Ranger. I need to speak with you and Stephanie. It's urgent. Where is she?" he corrected while shaking my hand.

"In the gym. Is there something wrong with her grandmother? Her sister?"

The man shook his head but worry still blazed in his gaze, making me save my questions for later. I gestured for him to follow me to the stairs and my men parted like the Red Sea. Tank and Santos fell into step with us as we went past 3 and soon, we were in the gym. I couldn't see my Babe but I could hear her heavy breathing and the clinking of a chain. Following the noise, I saw her pounding the living shit out of one of the punching bags, a feral snarl on her face.

After returning from Shorty's yesterday, she had joined me on 7 and after downing two beers, had proceeded to screw me up, down and sideways until I actually passed out. The scraps that used to be my clothes were still in the kitchen garbage and the deep scratches her nails had left stung pleasantly on my back. Even in her bliss, I could still see the seething, simmering rage in her expressive blue eyes and I decided to leave her be today so she could work through it in her own way.

A stack of completed searches and paperwork towered halfway to the ceiling in her cubicle and at 2, she had come down here and it showed. Her white undershirt was soaked through with sweat, her hair was unraveling and tangled in its ponytail, her sweats (my sweats) were beginning to slip off of her hips, and I could see dents in the bag the shape of her shoe bottoms begin to form. If she didn't have gloves on, her knuckles would raw to the bone. A particularly savage kick caused a rip from the middle of the bag to the bottom, foam falling out like snow...

"_**Ho-ly shit!**_ Rangeman, what'd you _**do**_ to her?" Santos demanded as the bag finally fell to the floor and she stopped, sitting on it with her head bowed.

"**_He_** didn't do it, Les." she rasped in my defense, the first words she had spoken since the restaurant.

Frank crossed to her and hugged her, uncaring of her physical state and she put her head on his shoulder, the rage finally out of her eyes but that damned hurt was back with a vengeance. I would kill both Morelli and her incubator on the spot if I could just **_never_** see that hurt again…

"Hi, Daddy.", she greeted sadly.

"Hey, Pumpkin. Listen, I need to talk to you and Ranger about something and you're not gonna be happy about it."

"If it's about Morelli and Helen planning an unholy matrimony, then we already know. He was acting really weird yesterday so Carlos and I tailed him. He was at Shorty's with her last night and they talked about marrying me off to him like you would talk about buying a damned horse." she said with bitter hatred as she stood up.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Tank demanded in disgusted disbelief.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Tank. My wife is hell bent on that Morelli trash being my son in law and she's willing to clip my baby's wings to make it happen. She's already booked the church for two months from Friday and I saw her holding a little checklist when I came home for lunch.", Frank reported with a sad shake of his head.

"Daddy, how'd you figure this out? I mean, how'd you know that she was hiding something?"

"Your mother is a terrible liar, Pumpkin. That's where you get it from." he replied flatly, making me chuckle despite myself as she rolled her eyes.

Steph crossed over to me and I gently removed her gear, rubbing at the throbbing knuckles soothingly. It was a good thing that I got some more bruise balm from Brown because it looked like Babe was gonna need it. She looked up at me with sad owl eyes and I let her bury her face in my chest for comfort...

"_**Shit!**_" Frank suddenly exclaimed as if a light bulb came on in his head.

"What is it, sir?" Santos asked him gently.

"If they already knew, then that crazy old bat could've kept her damn bra shut when we went to see that priest!"

And _**once again**_, I think I'm going to be ill…oh, dear **_God!_**

Steph's head turned quickly and she laughed, "Grandma flashed a _**priest?**_"

"It isn't funny, Stephanie! The poor boy looked like he was gonna spew all over his hymn book and then when she straddled him…" He shuddered at the memory "You think 500 Hail Marys will cover it?"

"More like 1500 and a hefty donation to the Fix the Roof Fund.", I offered wryly, making her elbow me hard in the side.

She was smiling when she did it so the pain was totally worth it.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"_**Goddamn**__, girl! Are you for __**real?**__!"_

"I'm as for real as I can get, Lula. You can get confirmation from Tank, later. God, I can't believe they're doing this…" I sighed between bites of Chunky Monkey. With all the Hulk Smash violence I was doing earlier, I think I've got more than enough calories to cover it.

"_I can! Look, I've only been dealin' with you and your bitch mom and SuperCop for only a little bit but I can see that they don't give a flying fuckin' damn about what you think or what makes you happy! All they care about are their reps and if forcing you down the aisle will make 'em look good, then they'll do it with a smile!"_

"_**Amen**__, sister!"_ Mary-Lou said from her section of the conference call. _"Don't you worry, Steph. I'm not getting involved with this clusterfuck. She's already called and demanded I meet her at Kelly's Bridal next week!"_

"_Me too!"_ Val added on. _"__**And**__ she's promised that the girls can be Flower Girls but they said that they don't wanna do it if you're getting married to the Mean Cop. They like Ranger, better. Even Lisa said so. And you __**know**__ I'm not showing up to that fitting. I may be new at the whole loyal sister thing but helping mom auction you off like cattle sure doesn't fit the bill!"_

"_I __**could**__ call my dad, if you want. He hates any and everything Morelli and he actually likes you. If he caught wind of this scheme…"_ Connie trailed off meaningfully.

A small smile curved my lips at all the solidarity and the image of Morelli drifting out to sea on a concrete raft, Helen nagging to her last breath…

"No, thank you. I've already got a building full of Merry Men shopping for a parking space in the Rock Quarry. Try to dodge her as long as you can, you guys. I…I actually have an idea on how to deal with this but it's on the cutting room floor."

"_**What is it?"**_ they all demanded.

My smile grew and softened as I lowered my gaze to my bare ring finger.

"Get married to Carlos before they can even blink." I replied matter of factly.

And then I hung up the phone. Yeah. I _**hung up **_the _**phone.**_ I _**hung up **_the fucking phone after I just sledgehammer to the face hinted that I was gonna propose to _**Batman**_! They were gonna rip my head off on sight the next time they saw me...or just shoot me!

"Is that a proposal, Babe?" a husky voice asked from the doorway behind me.

I turned and a little squeak escaped me as Carlos grabbed me and sat me roughly on the kitchen counter, his face blank but eyes smoldering as he towered over me.

"I…I…well…and…_**y-yes**_?" I croaked, sounding remarkably similar to the Tin Man.

He brushed a butterfly kiss against my trembling lips.

"Are you proposing just to spite your mother and Morelli?"

"_**No."**_, I insisted in a still creaky but resolved voice. I would _**never**_ do that to him! Doesn't he know that already? Doesn't he trust...?

"_**Fuck!"**_ he growled before plunging his tongue into my mouth.

Is that Ranger-speak for "Yes, I'll marry you, you madwoman"?

I _**hope**_ it is.


	19. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: In order to end the suspense and to keep myself from strangling my little siblings (I'm actually looking forward to going back to school on Monday because of their antics…sad, huh?), I shall continue where we left off and give y'all an answer worth waiting for.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

She was shaking like a leaf in a storm against me but she kissed back just as hungrily, just as deeply…

_"Get married to Carlos before they can even blink."…_ Those words, those delicious words kept playing on loop in my head as well as the tone she said them in. She said them like it was the absolute right thing to do, not just to deal with two complete idiots but in general. Even after she hung up the phone on her friends (which was not a good idea at all), the conviction was still there, even in her endearing "What the hell did I just do?" stare at me as I came out of the shadows. I loved that stare…

_"Are you proposing just to spite your mother and Morelli?"_

_"__**No."… **_I had to ask. I did. It's not like I didn't trust her but I needed confirmation that this was not a dream or a hallucination. As I mentioned earlier, Steph had me from the start. The DeChooch thing was simply a cover. Whether we had made the deal or not, I would've done any and everything to get my hands on her. Sending her back to Morelli was the biggest mistake of my life and I thank God everyday that I've gotten the opportunity to make up for it…

Lack of oxygen finally forced us apart and she actually looked dazed as she unconsciously ran her hands through my hair.

"O-okay. So…does _**Fuck**_ mean _**Yes**_ in this context? The only time I'm fluent in Rangernese is when you do the Babe thing and I'd really like my inevitable maiming by the girls to be worth it so…"

"Babe."

"Huh?"

I cupped her face and gave her a half smile.

"Yes. Yes, I will marry you, Babe."

"_**Huh?"**_

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"_Yes. Yes, I will marry you, Babe."_**…**

Did he just say yes? Did he seriously…he said…Dear God, he said yes! He said _**yes!**_

The grin on my face probably belonged to a mental patient but I didn't care. Ricardo Carlos Manoso- _**Big Bad Ass Batman Ranger**_ wanted to marry _**me!**_ I asked him and he said yes! Well, at first he said _**"fuck!"**_ in a really scary sexy voice but still…he said yes! Oh my god...

I pounced on him in a full blown Hobbes hug and we hit the kitchen floor in a tangled mess of giddy giggling limbs. The full 200 watt smile was on his face and the softness I remember from our first real night tonight was back in his eyes. I pressed a sloppy kiss to his lips and laid my head over his racing heart as he held me to him possessively.

"_Ho-ly shit_. I actually asked you to marry me. And...and you said _yes_. We're gonna get _married_." I breathed in disbelief.

"Wherever and however you want, Babe."

"Jeans, t-shirts, and guns in front of the Justice of Peace?"

"Done."

"Flying off to Vegas and finding Elvis? Or Captain Kirk or a Drag Queen?"

"Done. It's your day, Babe."

"_**Our**_ day. You're getting married too, after all. What do you want?"

"You've mentioned that your last wedding was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I don't want that to happen again."

Damn straight, it had been. I had gotten sick of Helen's harping so I impulsively agreed to marry The Dick. She had taken everything over, overruling my decisions and turning it into a dog and pony show that could be compared to Princess Di's wedding. Of course the only similarities the relationships had were that our men had been cheating, scum sucking, no good bastards but still…it had been _**terrible!**_ It had taken years (and Carlos) for me to get past all of my fears about marriage.

Carlos wouldn't cheat. Carlos wouldn't make me be someone I'm not (well, unless we're in the bedroom but I _**really**_ like that kind of "someone I'm not") and most importantly, Carlos really loves me, flaws and all.

Marrying him wasn't gonna be a clusterfuck. It was gonna be awesome!

I frowned in thought and propped my head on my hands as our eyes stayed locked.

"Then we need to move fast. Once Helen and Morelli get wind of this, they'll raise enough hell to make a mosh pit seem like a performance of _**Swan Lake**_. Trenton's out…and Newark, too. He's got a cousin that works in the courthouse up there and he'd totally tattletale…what about in Miami? That way Jules can be in it, too and it won't be too cold. I don't want to get married where it's too cold, although using you as a hot water bottle would be _**fun**_…"

"Babe.", he chuckled. "Miami's good. How many people do you want there?"

"Dad, Grandma, Val and her family, Connie, Lula, Mary-Lou, and at least the A-Team but I want as many Merry Men as you can spare. And your family. Your family should definitely be there."

"My family would kill us_** both**_ if they weren't. They've been waiting for me to marry you since Day 1 and after Scrog…you're a daughter, a sister, and aunt to them, already. We just have to make things legal. We'll contact them in the morning."

"Good idea. So…can we have loud, nasty, "we're engaged" sex now?" I asked sweetly as I slid my hands into his sweats.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

I hissed as her wicked tongue tormented me but I was determined to keep still. Steph had little compunction about oral sex, whether giving or receiving, but I always strove to remain gentle with her. Too many bastards had hurt her while in the bedroom and I wanted to make up for them tenfold. I bit back a laugh as her fingertips brushed my hipbones but the way her eyes flicked up told me that it was to no avail. Babe now knew that I was ticklish.

She smirked around me and her lips left me with a loud pop as she sat up, putting her hands on her hips.

"Are you freakin' kidding me? You're ticklish? _**You?**_"

"Contrary to popular belief, Babe, I'm only human. Come here."

"Make me." she sassed, tossing her hair impudently.

Quick as a cobra, I sat up and manhandled her to the pillows, her laughing struggles urging me on. I got ahold of her hands and put them above her to the headboard, locking our digits together. Trusting turquoise eyes watched me submissively as I put one leg over my shoulder and the other around my waist, using them as leverage to put me fully on top of her. Losing every bit of submission, she impatiently thrust up onto me to the hilt and my eyes crossed.

"_**Fuck!"**_

"I'll be taking _**that**_ in the "Fuck me, Babe" context…" she quipped with a shiteating grin as she found a way to both lower her leg and put me on my back.

I forced my eyes to focus and scolded through gritted teeth, _**"**__**Usted es una **__**mujer**__** del**__** diablo**__**!"**_ (You are a woman of the Devil!)

She laughed sultrily and replied unrepentantly, _**"**__**Yo soy**_** tu**_** mujer **__**del**__** diablo**__**, **__**Carlos**__**."**_ (I am _**your**_ woman of the Devil, Carlos.)

"Paybacks are a bitch, Babe.", I promised darkly as she started to ride me.

"Bring it on, Batman. I'll just tie you up again, afterwords.", she panted with a leering grin that I couldn't help but return.

Hmm…something _**else**_ to look forward to for the next 50 years…


	20. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: So, our heroes are ENGAGED (yay!) and that means various reactions from their circle of friends and family. This section will be split into 2 (maybe 3) chapters and I hope you guys enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

Her cell phone rang where she left it on the counter and I pressed a long, deep kiss to her lips to keep her in bed. She whimpered softly but nodded, drifting back off immediately. Heading to the kitchen in all my naked glory, I saw the Caller ID and smirked. I've never dealt with Lula in Rhino Mode before but I do know how to soothe an angry woman. After all, I _**do **_have 4 sisters…

"Hello?" I answered politely with a heavier accent. I normally left the "Latin Advantage" to Santos but I can't very well marry Steph if she's ripped to shreds. Besides, Lula has made it abundantly clear that she's had a thing for me and although we'd never do anything about it (she loves Tank too much and Babe would kill me), I had no qualms about using my sex appeal to appease her.

I heard four intakes of breath and I chuckled. It seems as if Babe's friends were looking to do an early morning ambush…

"_Um, R-Ranger?"_ Valerie asked in a shaky tone.

"Yes. Good morning, ladies. I'm afraid Stephanie's a little preoccupied at the moment so I'll be happy to answer your questions."

"_Are y'all getting married or not? I got money and a back massage ridin' on this. Tankie couldn't believe that White Girl would ask you and not the other way around but I was like, Baby, how long you known her, she'd __**totally**__ ask him just to be different, which is a good thing…"_

"_Let the man speak, Lula! __**Well?**__"_ Connie cut in impatiently.

I grinned and simply replied, "Yes."

I have heard a lot of loud noises in my life: the sound of the smoke detector when Raphael (my older brother) occasionally tried to cook Sunday breakfast, a high powered machine gun overseas, and my Babe's stomach. None of them compared to the excited shrieks that sounded through the line and I held the phone away from my ear incredulously.

"_Steph's getting __**married**__, Lenny…no, not to that Morelli fool…to __**Ranger**__…yeah, the scary Cuban dude… I know, right…now go back to sleep. When's it happening, Ranger? __**Where's**__ it happening?"_ Mary-Lou asked after soothing her apparently startled husband.

"Soon and in Miami. You and your families are all invited but it needs to stay under the radar for as long as possible. I don't want Morelli or her excuse for a mother interfering. I'm fully aware that the Burg grapevine is as unstoppable as The Force but if and when our engagement comes out, I'd very much prefer it if the blame could not be traced to any of you. Okay?"

"_Of course."_

"_Aye, aye, cap'n."_

"_Okay."_

"_Fuckin' A…and you know what would __**really**__ piss in their punch bowl? If you and White Girl got married on the same day as they're plannin' that bullshit at the church. Or even like 2 or 3 days before? I mean, come on, how kickass would it be that they plan it all out, with all the guests sittin' in the church and that Here Comes The Bride jam on and…"_

"…_and they don't have a bride! I like it, Lula." _Valerie giggled, upping her further in my eyes. Ever since she and Steph slogged through all the shit their mother had kicked up between them, she had become one of her biggest supporters. It was a good thing. _**Familia **_is supposed to build up, not tear down…

"So do I. I'll have to clear it with Steph but if we can get the logistics right, I say we've got a plan of action. Lula, have you spent any time in the military?"

"_Unh-unh. I may like shooting people and the US of fuckin' A but I don't like bad food or camo. Well, unless you count that little number I picked up for Tankie off the internet..."_

And _**once again**_, I feel as if I need to scrub my brain out with bleach.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

I shrieked in surprise as Lester scooped me up in a spinning bear hug but I held on for dear life as we both laughed, Ranger shaking his head fondly at our antics in his office.

"Welcome to the family, Beautiful!" he cheered as he placed me back on my feet.

"Thank you, Cousin." I wheezed in response. "Who told you?"

"Tank told me and Lula sent a mass text to all of the RangeMen. I don't even wanna know how she got all the numbers..."

Neither did I, really. It probably involved her and Tank's version of the "Paybacks are a Bitch, Babe" Game and as much as I adore them…no. Just…no. Lester and Ranger did the whole manly handshake hug thing and he shook his head with amused disgust as he looked between us.

"_**Que **__**coño**__**! **__**No puedo **__**creer que**__** ella**__** tenía que**__** preguntar!**__** ¿Qué pasó**__** con **__**las pelotas**__**, **__**primo**__**?**_", Lester demanded with a light punch to his nonexistent gut. ("You pussy! I can't believe that _**she**_ had to ask _**you**_! What happened to your balls, Cousin?")

Ranger shoved him lightly and replied mock defensively, "_**Ella**__** me pegaba a **__**él**__**...**__**y**__** no**__** me **__**llaman**__** coño**__**, **__**cabrón**__**!"**_ ("She beat me to it…and don't call me a pussy, asshole!")

I rolled my eyes and cut in, "_**Te das cuenta de**__** que yo pueda**__** entender**__** a los dos,**__** ¿verdad?**_ ("You **_do_** realize that I can understand you both, right?")Lester, he's not a pussy. I came out of left field with the proposal and I'm surprised he accepted it. I didn't even have a ring!"

"He don't need no stinkin' ring! So, y'all gonna do the damn thing in Miami, huh? Good move. It's far away from Detective Asshat and your mom. Not to mention the clubs…"

A Lester wolf grin lit up his face and I got right up in his face.

"If you're wasted at our wedding, I'll make you wish your mom gave you back to the stork when she had the chance, Santos! I swear to God!" I hissed with outstretched nails. He put his hands up defensively and actually gulped a little when I growled at him. Yay, I'm finally intimidating! Thank you, RangeMan…

"_**Damn!**_ You sure you wanna marry her, man? She's psycho!"

"So am I.", Carlos deadpanned. "That's why we work so well and I'm backing her on it. Be sober or be dead…and unemployed. That goes for all of you. Oh, and you better not have any plans tonight because you're coming with us to tell the family…if you already haven't."

"Black Sheep Carlitos is marrying his _**Bombardera**_? I ain't missin' that! It's gonna be epic…" Lester replied over his shoulder as he left.

"By Epic, he means **_Good_** Epic, right?" I questioned softly, looking down at my shoes.

I mean, whether the Manoso clan likes me or not, I'm marrying my Batman. I love him, I need him, and I want to be his wife. But, at the same time, I don't want Carlos to feel as if he has to choose between me and his family. Trust me, it's the worst feeling in the world…

Carlos' boots came into my field of vision and he gently raised my head. He kissed my brow and said, "They're gonna love you so much, Babe. They already do. They've loved you since Santos told them the story of our first cases together…"

I smiled at the memory of Eliza Doolittle and her Professor…

"…and you've been considered family since Scrog. You don't have to worry about it, Babe. Besides, even by some slim chance, they don't like you, I'm marrying you anyway. I love you. I need my Babe."

My mascara was shot to hell from my tears but my smile grew larger as I hugged him tightly.

He always knows how to make me feel better and confident.


	21. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Good afternoon, y'all. I have a few days off for Easter so I want to try and update a couple of times. Next week's gonna be hectic because of Band Stuff (Fundraising) and preparations for the Dreaded Finals with a capital F so I might be off the updating radar for a little while. I plan on posting new fics starting May 1****st**** (after **_**In Plain Sight **_**starts up again) so keep on the watch. Meanwhile, let's get some more background on Ranger's family and meet his mom. The rest of the Manosos will come in the next updates.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

"Raphael, Celia, Alexandria, Gabriela, Maria and you. Is that right?"

"Mm-hm."

"You're named after your dad and grandpa so you're Ricardo the III and your mom's Caroline Santos-Manoso from Havana. Your dad's from Miami with relatives in Cuba. You have an Abuelita named Rosa who immigrated here after WWII. Your grandfather Ricardo passed away from cancer right before you joined the Army."

"Yes."

"You've got a swarm of nieces and nephews ranging in age from 19 to 5 months and I'll have to learn their names on my feet because not even you can remember them all."

"I can but I don't want to scare you off, Babe."

I rolled my eyes and lightly slugged him as he drove through the Newark traffic.

"I'm not going anywhere, Carlos. _**I**_ asked _**you**_ to marry _**me**_, remember? Besides, if you can survive years with my family, then I can certainly deal with yours during dinner. And you said that they all already love me and you haven't lied to me before. Omitted things, sure but only for my own safety. Now, back to your family. You're related to this joker…"

"Hey!" Lester snapped with mock offense and I stuck my tongue out at him after he kicked the Turbo's passenger seat like a toddler.

"…through your mom's side. Ella and Luis are his parents, which you two _**so**_ should've told me earlier…"

"Sorry, Babe."

"Sorry, Beautiful."

"…but the rest of the Santos clan's in Miami and I get to meet them when we get down there."

"Got it in one, Beautiful. It's gonna be fine. The girls will like you because you make Ric happy and Raph will _**love**_ you because now that you two are finally getting married, it'll cut down on the bitching for him to get shackled up. It's good natured bitching, though. Not like…well…"

"Not like Helen. Good. No one deserves that kind of bitching."

Somehow, my mother had finally gotten a hold of my new number (I'll have to send Morelli a thank you kick in the balls, later) and she spent her day calling me, demanding for me (just me) to come over from dinner or lunch because "we had to discuss something". I guess "discuss" in her book means browbeat and manipulate me in to doing what she wants. That wasn't gonna happen, though.

I had changed. She and Morelli had changed me finally but not in the way they wanted. I was now a strong, independent, non-denying woman who worked for what she deserved. Helen could no longer use dessert and guilt to get me near her. Besides, Morelli was probably lurking around there still and I really hope Daddy shoots him like the rat he is soon so I don't have to...

We stopped in front of a three storied home and I was in awe of all the brick and mortar houses around, as well as the large trees. Living in the Burg meant uniform, two toned siding from the 50s and not much in the name of yards. The front yard was large and there was a beautiful garden near the porch.

"I used to spend a lot of time in the garden and the kitchen with my mother. It was either that or military school." Carlos informed me, making me giggle at the image of Big Bad Ass Ranger in a frilly apron or spreading manure.

"Oh, yeah. Ric can make a _**mean**_ pot roast." Les sniggered.

"And _**you**_ can make a soufflé as well as any cream puff from France, asshole because 9 times out of 10, you were right in trouble with me."

"Well, I couldn't let you get busted alone, man. What kind of older cousin would I be?", he replied with a shrug.

"Wait, you're _**older**_, Les?"

_**Really?**_ Man, I always thought that he and Les were _**at least**_ 3 years apart the other way…

"Mm-hm. We're 18 months apart but Ranger's _**way**_ more of an old grandpa than I am.", he replied before darting out of the car.

"I'll show him old grandpa …" Carlos muttered as he followed, sending the boys into a wrestling match in the grass.

Shaking my head, I climbed out of the car and checked my reflection in the thankfully fixed window. I had picked a dark green tunic dress with large yellow sunflowers all it, a pair of black leggings, and my black flats. A hip length black cardigan held off the cool breeze. My hair had been tamed via Mr. Alexander's special conditioner and it was held back by a thin silver headband.

I had gone with only 2 coats of mascara and clear lip gloss, not feeling too intimidated. I mean, I was intimidated (after all, families and I don't mix) but I knew that Carlos would be right by my side the whole time…if he and Les didn't put themselves in the hospital, that is.

I opened my mouth to tell them to break it up but a loud whistle from the door made us all freeze. Standing in the doorway with a perfectly raised brow and hands on her hips was Caroline Manoso. She was a solidly curved woman, the same height as me. I could see Carlos' nose and lips on her heart shaped face and her mocha latte skin glowed in the fading sunlight. She walked down the stairs and I could see bare feet peeking out from under the hem of her black gypsy skirt.

To my surprised delight, she had on an old school Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt and her own crazy mane of curls (pure silver) took flight in the breeze.

The boys sprang up from the ground and I smiled as they stood nearly at attention, looking like they were about to be scolded by the principal. She stopped in front of Carlos and looked right up into his eyes.

"Carlitos.", she greeted in a soft, accented voice.

So, _**that's**_ where he got the "one-word says a thousand" thing from!

"Mama.", he replied fondly.

She looked away and at Lester.

"Lester."

"Hello, Tia Caroline."

A half smile tugged at her lips but she sobered quickly.

"It has been much too long, you know? I understand that RangeMan needs to be nurtured but _**familia**_ should not be forgotten in the shuffle. _**Comprende?"**_

"Sí.", they replied in sheepish unison.

"Good.", she declared before nearly breaking them in two in a tangled bear hug. Lester grinned and whispered something in her ear and Caroline looked dead at me before a 2000 watt smile lit up her face.

"Ah, _**Estefanía**_. Welcome. Lester, go inside."

He nodded and obeyed, giving me my cue to come closer. As soon as I was in reach, she hugged me and I couldn't help but hug back. She smelled like clover and cinnamon, like a warm, understanding happy home. Like Carlos' Bulgari, I felt immediately comforted and safe…

"Hello, Mrs. Manoso."

"I am mama to you, sweetheart. You are _**familia **_now. Come, you must meet my husband and all the rest of the Manoso clan."

Before I could even think of protesting, she was leading me to the house and I looked back towards Carlos. He smiled encouragingly and mouthed, "I'll be there in a minute, Babe" before heading to pull the car into the driveway.

I nodded and took a deep breath. Here we go…


	22. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: So, I finally took my AP 12 English test this morning and you know what? I think I actually passed. In order to celebrate, I'm going to update this fic and at least one of my In Plain Sight ones before Monday. I'm also planning **_**Operation: Thaw**_**. The details are gonna be on my profile but if you're following more than one of my fics (particularly the ones that haven't been touched in AGES), then this latest CMW2 idea will make you smile. I did when I came up with it so…yeah.**

**Speaking of stuff to make you smile, here's more of Steph, Carlos, and the Manoso Clan. Steph meets his dad this chapter and everyone else will come into play next update. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

Walking into the house, I was immediately hit by the smells of many delicious things cooking. Each wall was a warm shade of red, orange, or yellow and I could feel my now bare feet warm against the hardwood floors. Radiant heat…Carlos had it in RangeMan too because he hated having his feet cold. I hated it when they were cold too because he always slid them under my legs, holding me still until they warmed. Actually, that wasn't so bad because that always lead to snuggling and 9 times out of 10, snuggling led to…

"Ah, my son is a Manoso man, indeed. My Ricardo can still make me blush after all of these years." Caroline chuckled as she went straight down the hall to an ajar office door. She stuck her head in and I could see Carlos' dimples on her face as she smiled again.

"_**Ricardo**__**, **__**venga **__**y conozca **__**a su**__** nueva hija**__**.**_" ("Ricardo, come and meet your new daughter")

A familiar chuckle sounded as Caroline bounced excitedly on her toes and I found myself looking at a taller Carlos in about thirty years. Ricardo Carlos Manoso II was a bear of a man, the same height as Tank and still solid, no beer gut in sight. The wine colored Henley shirt and flannel pants indicated that he took very good care of himself, just as Carlos did. His own silver hair was the same length as his son's was currently and I spotted the loose waves, as well as the warm chocolate eyes that I adored…

A girlish shriek left my throat as he picked me up in a spinning hug (it must be a Santos influenced thing), setting me off into giggles as I held on for dear life.

"Welcome, _**Estefanía**_. It is wonderful to finally meet the woman that tamed our Carlitos." he greeted in a soft, heavily accented tenor.

"He's not tamed, sir. I just give him a little more structure in the wild and crazy." I replied wryly, making barks of laughter escape him and Lester from the living room.

"I am papa to you, _**dulce**_. You are _**familia**_, now. Where is that wayward son of mine? Did he get lost? It wouldn't be surprising since he only comes around once in a blue moon…"

I cracked up as Carlos blushed pink at his father's good natured grumble and replied, "I already promised mama that I'd do better. How are you, old man?"

"Alive and kicking…_**que**__** no**__** será **__**una vez que sus**__** hermanas**__** ponernos en contacto contigo...**_", Papa replied between chuckles. (…which you won't be once your sisters get ahold of you…)

"_**No**__** tengo miedo **__**de**__** ellos**__**.**_" (I'm not afraid of them.)

I cocked an eyebrow (I could finally do it!) and put my hands on my hips, seizing an opportunity to establish some more common ground with his parents. One thing that dealing with Morelli's shrew of a mother and evil grandmother taught me was that parents dig it when you embrace the guy's culture, mainly by language…

"_**No**__** se acueste **__**a **__**su **__**padre,**__**Carlos**__**. **__**Es**__** un pecado**__**." **_("Don't lie to your father, Carlos. It's a sin.)

I know I had done the right thing as Papa grinned like a nut and Caroline looked as if Christmas had come early.

"I have not had an in law speak Spanish fluently since Gabriela brought Enrique home. When did you learn?", she asked with genuine interest.

"Nearly a year ago. Carlos, Lester, and Hector helped me, as well as a couple of classes at the community college in Trenton. I'm teaching myself Latin, now."

"You are?" Carlos asked me with surprised pleasure. Oh, yeah. Carlos thought that my educating myself was a great thing, yet another point in his favor. Morelli would have just laughed at me and Helen...ugh, I can just imagine the empty bottles...

"Yeah. I've always wanted to learn but my mother always forced me to take something else when I was in high school and then I didn't have time in St. Louis so…well, keeping myself in projects keeps me out of Bombshell mayhem."

" As I've said before, I _**like**_ your mayhem, Babe."

"You **_better_**. It's not gonna stop just because we're getting hitched.", I volleyed back without thinking, making a tiny squeak escape me as his parents looked at us with wide, shocked eyes. Lester came into the living room doorway, grinning like a baboon as he applauded and Carlos gave me his bemused half smile before shrugging with a fond shake of his head. _**Only you, Babe...**_yeah, I know. Don't remind me...

"Great job, Beautiful! Just rip the band-aid off! His sisters and Raph aren't even here yet and you just…"

"_**Can it, Santos or I'll ask Ella to see all your baby pictures!**_ Um…yeah. I…I asked Carlos to marry me two days ago and he said yes. The wedding's gonna be in Miami soon because my mother and my jackass, chauvinistic ex are trying to shanghai me into marrying said jackass, chauvinistic ex because they want to control me but I don't want that, I want Carlos so I asked and…and I'm not pregnant! Not yet but…and…yeah. We're getting married. He said yes... _you still say yes, right?_" I stammered out while looking between the four of them.

"Yes, Babe." he reassured me with a soft smile.

"Good because you not saying yes would make me very sad."

Caroline came over and wrapped me in another hug, tears swimming in her eyes as she held me by the shoulders.

"You are perfect for our baby boy. As for your jackass chauvinistic ex and your mother, they are irrelevant. All that matters is that you and Carlitos are happy…and that I see some more grandchildren before I am too old to pick them up, eh?"

Well, given the way that Carlos and I go at it like bunnies, she's got nothing to worry about at all in _**that**_ department…

Lester and Ricardo II were nearly inconsolable, supporting each other as they howled with mirth and now Carlos' face looked just like the fruit my maiden name indicates…

"Out loud, again?" I asked sheepishly.

Caroline giggled and declared, "A Manoso man, indeed! Come on, _**Estefanía**_. I have plenty of baby pictures to show you as we wait for the girls. Did Carlitos ever tell you about the time he streaked during his 3rd grade musical…?"

No…no, he_** didn't**_. Yay for Batman Blackmail!


	23. Chapter 22

**Author's Note:Good morning, y'all. So, I am now officially a Ranger fan girl. I lost my phone on Wednesday afternoon (it ended up being in my bra…yeah, FAIL.) and one of my friends brought in a big bag of stickers to 1****st**** hour the next day (keep in mind that we're 11-12 graders) so after working out, I systematically found every Batman and Batman related sticker and tricked my phone, ID, and planner out. When Montana asked if I had a crush on the Dark Knight, I simply replied:**

"**No. I have a crush on Ranger." I feel so proud! I also feel a little punch drunk because senior year's circling the drain at high speed now. I'm released on the 3****rd**** and then I get my diploma on the 16****th****. Crazy, eh? Anyway, we're gonna go back into the cesspool that are Morelli's and Helen's head for a bit and hopefully, my **_**familia**_** writer's block will be gone soon. I wanna get to the Wedding and the fallout drama, already!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Morelli's POV**

"I don't get why you're still so hung up on that Plum bitch, anyway, cuz. She's with that fuckin' Cuban army psycho and she's not even that hot! Or full Italian! I'da cut her loose ages ago if I was you!"

I rolled my eyes at Mooch's drunken declaration and downed the rest of my beer as I slumped into my recliner.

"It's not about love anymore, Mooch. It's about fuckin' respect. Cupcake has disrespected me for far too long and someone needs to put her in her place,**_ now_**. As for Ranger, he'll toss her out like the week's trash after he gets bored."

Mooch cracked up, nearly hitting Bob as he fell off the couch, and spewing beer all over the rug.

"You've been singin' that tune for **_months_** and he ain't done it yet! Hell, he ain't gonna! The man is just fuckin' dumb enough to be in love wit her crazy ass! **_Everyone_** knows it, even **_Nona_**, even the SOBs on Stark Street! Face it, man: She's **_gone_**! Even if that wetback chucks her out **_tonight_**, she's not gonna get back wit you ever! You **_hit_** her and women nowadays aren't like the ones before, like Aunt Cara and the rest! She's not just gonna put up wit it or raise her ass for more! You blew it as soon as you acted like Uncle Carm, may he rot in hell! Not to mention that you knocked up Joyce nasty-ass Barnhardt like a dumb fuck…"

"That little brat she's carrying is **_not_** mine!"

The whole Burg had been rocked to its foundations at the news that its resident sick slut (other than Cupcake) was knocked up. The clinic's and hospitals in both Trenton and Newark the were working overtime with getting male DNA samples because _**no one**_ wanted to claim that kid, including me. I may be an Italian Stallion but I'm not knocking anyone up but Cupcake (well, at least for a while). My reputation and family honor depended on it…

'That ain't what _**she's**_ been sayin', Joey! She says that the dates the crotch doc gave her match up to the last time you stuck it in her."

"Joyce Barnhardt's a damned liar!"

She is! She said that she had gotten her tubes tied and that I could come in her all I wanted. Terry isn't like that at all. I mean, she lets me fuck her in any way I want (including the "butt stuff" that Cupcake always ran away from) but I always had to wear a rubber. She had even sent me out at 3 in the damned morning to go get some because "she just wasn't ready to show that kind of trust". Bitch. She was probably cheating on someone to be with me, anyway...

"What the fuck ever. You know how fuckin' dumb Burg girls are. If more than 2 people say it, then it's _**gotta**_ be true! As soon as Plum gets wind of it, not even the biggest surprise fairytale frou-frou wedding's gonna keep her from kickin' your ass…**_yet_** _**again**_.", he sniggered.

Every remaining man in my family, from Mooch to Tony up in Brooklyn, knew about the Buick and Pino's. They gave me shit about it all the time. The Buick was one thing. Any sucker can run someone over with a car but Pino's... _**goddamn**_, it had hurt like a bitch! She had grabbed my arm like a damn Terminator and snapped it over the counter like it was nothing. And then the taser…god, it still hurts to piss sometimes!

What's worse was that **_everyone_** had been in there. I had hoped that the presence of the crowds would get her to back down like before but no. Fucking Manoso and his posse had corrupted her mind. She now thought that she was worth more than what was proper and that tradition didn't matter anymore, that her obligations to the Burg, her home, were nothing but bullshit.

She was in for a rude awakening, though. Her mother and I only want what's best for her and more importantly, us. Stephanie settling down with me would up her family's standing in the community and give me access to all those elusive "connections" that made her halfway good at her job. Plus, it would finally get Manoso out of the picture, breaking his control over her. She only _**thought**_ that she loved him. Once "Batman" went back to Gotham or Mexico or wherever the fuck he had come from, she would realize that only_** I**_ would be crazy enough to tolerate her and all of her incompetence. Mooch was wrong, as always. Manoso didn't love her. He **_couldn't._** He was a machine, a murderer. A person like that only destroyed people, especially "innocent" little Burg girls.

Besides, he was a mercenary, nothing more than a thug that would get her killed sooner rather than later...

After we say "I do", she's gonna thank me for saving her and I'll take her thanks out of her hide, starting with that tight little ass of hers.

The mere thought of being up her made my dick twitch and I left Mooch passed out on my living room floor. Opening my cell, I decided to see if Joyce was home.

After all, liar or not, she was the best lay around and Morellis always deserve the best.

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

I sat next to Frank at the table, watching him eat the dinner I had lovingly made for him. There was something different about him, now. Ever since his shameful actions against Joseph, he had become much quieter: getting up earlier, staying out later, and looking at me with cold eyes. He had returned to our room but he kept to his side of the bed, something that had once been my greatest wish. He was much too demonstrative, especially since my childbearing years were long behind me. It was improper! Yet, his withdrawal was the last thing I needed right now, especially in this stressful time of planning a surprise wedding to the correct man for Stephanie.

She had yet to return any of my calls or voice messages. Joseph had assured me that it was the right number so why wasn't she answering and why hadn't she come over for dinner or lunch? Hearing that she was fine from Frank or my mother was no longer acceptable. I **_had_** to see her, to find out what she was thinking. It was the only way to execute the Plan correctly.

"Do you want anymore roast, Frank?"

"No. I'm fine." he replied as he stood up, taking his dishes with him.

With a sigh, I followed him and watched as he cleaned his own mess. He had taken to doing that too. He straightened the Den every morning before leaving for work and I had come home from shopping to find him ironing his own clothes, something he hasn't had to do in ages. I was here for that!

"Where are you going?" I asked as he pulled his old military jacket (the one that I thought I had thrown out ages ago) on as well as the ratty old cap he wore when he drove his cab.

"I'm picking up your mother from Bingo. She asked me to this morning."

"You two seem to be getting along better." I remarked suspiciously.

He shrugged indifferently and opened the door.

"Once you get past all that damn perversion, she's good company. I'll be back before 9." he replied before shutting it firmly.

Another thing to worry about… if Frank and my mother decide to soften towards each other, then their combined efforts could expose and ruin my plans. It had taken so much out of me to get this far. There was so much room for something to go horribly wrong! Church, music, menu… and I had **_yet_** to hear back from Valerie or Mary Lou in regards to the dresses! Both of them had changed their numbers again and although Joseph had promised to get them for me, he was much too busy with his important work to do it quickly. I would probably have to go to them in person and hopefully, Valerie has gotten past her craziness to realize that what I'm trying to do is the right thing. Stephanie obviously needed rescuing from that Cuban monster and I was determined to do so, no matter the cost.

A mother has to protect her children, even the stupid ones she never wanted.


	24. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Okay, my writer's block has been annihilated by the extra long weekends and the first summer like heat of the season. I'm like a lizard (or a Cardassian) and I **_**love**_** the heat. I'm still thinking of excuses to get outside right now. Everyone else in my house is hiding in the A/C like a bunch of wussies. Anyway, here's some more **_**Familia **_**with a side of Burg rot **_**and**_** I hope you guys enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

Another loud peel of laughter from the kitchen made me wince and smile at the same time. It seems that the girls had taken to my Babe like a duck to water which was good. Unfortunately, they seemed to be playing "Which Carlitos story can make her piss herself laughing the most" so now Steph probably has enough ammo to last the rest of our lives. The rest of our lives…

A couch cushion slammed into my head and Santos cracked up laughing as Raph and I got into a wrestling match on the living room floor.

"Get him, Tio Carlos!" 6 year old Joaquin cheered from his perch on 15 year old Kendra's shoulders.

"Come on, Tio Raphael! You're supposed to be the older brother! Older brothers win fights!" 12 year old Mateo added on between copying spelling words.

"Nuh-uh! Me, Carly, and Ranza just took you down this morning!" 7 year old Talia pointed out, making the other two triplets cheer as they jumped on the couch.

"Y'all cheated!"

"_**Did not**_!" the three of them screamed indignantly.

"Did too!"

"Whoa, whoa, easy with that nonsense, Tios! What kind of example are you guys setting?" 19 year old Francesca asked with a teasing grin.

"A fun one!" her twin brother Emilio supplied wryly. "Let the old men fight to the death, Chessie! It means there's more food for the rest of us!"

For his insolence, Raph yanked him into the fray and that turned into mass roughhousing as the kids jumped in. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I grabbed Steph as she tried to sneak up on me, wrestling with her giggling form until she was pinned to the floor. Her eye makeup was smeared from tears of mirth but her eyes were a bright, happy sky blue that I always feel myself drowning in. She stopped struggling and just smiled at me goofily, something that I returned easily, much to the gasping, mock fainting shock of Raph. Well, I _**told**_ him that Babe had changed me for the better. It's not my fault if he didn't believe me…

"Hello, Babe.", I greeted nonchalantly.

"Hi, Batman. Oh my_** god**_, you were _**such**_ a cute baby and I've _**finally**_ gotten another question answered that's been baffling me! You've been allergic to clothes since birth!" Steph declared cheerfully.

I dropped my face into the crook of her neck as the kids (and by kids, I include Raph and Santos) cracked up but I couldn't help but smile.

"Clothes slow me down, Babe. You should know that", I leered, making a very familiar hand land on the back of my head. **_Ow!_**

"You should not leer at your woman in the presence of _**los **__**niños**_(children), _**Carlitos**_. All right, dinner is ready! Go and wash up, all of you! _**¡**__**Vamos**__**! **__**Mueva**__**, **__**mueva**__**, **__**mueva**__**... **_("Come on! Move, move, move…)", Mama insisted while shooing everyone out with a drill sergeant with a dishcloth.

I helped Steph up and asked as I had in my youth, "¿_**Puedo**__** ayudarle **__**en **__**la **__**cocina**__**, **__**mamá**__**?"**_ ("May I help you in the kitchen, Mama?")

She smiled and patted my hand before replying, "_**Por **__**supuesto**__** que **__**puedes**__**, cariño. **__**Tus hermanas **__**están **__**esperando allí por usted,**__** de todos modos…" **_("Of course you can, honey. Your sisters are waiting in there for you, anyway…")

After she left, Steph wrapped her arms around me from behind and nuzzled into my back.

"I love your family."

"My family loves you. I _**told**_ you that you had nothing to worry about."

She chuckled and to my surprise, ran her fingertips underneath my shirt, tracing the muscles there sultrily. When she came in front of me, I grabbed her and she smiled knowingly at me as she slowly Eskimo kissed me…

"_**Voy a **__**darte un beso**__** antes de**__** enfrentar **__**al pelotón de fusilamiento**__**, **__**Carlos**__**?" **_("Shall I kiss you before you face the firing squad, Carlos?")

I pressed a hot kiss to her lips, tasting my mother's cookie dough and the Merlot Gabi had brought with her. She responded hungrily and I had to remind myself where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. Dios, that's **_never_** happened before, not even before the Army. Stephanie has so much power over me…

"_**Jugar**__** con**__** fuego**__**, **__**Estefanía**__**... **_(Playing with fire, Stephanie…)_**"**_, I warned her, making her siren's giggle send shivers down my spine.

Her next words sent heat straight to my groin and my brain into a tailspin.

"_**Me **__**encanta **__**cuando **__**me **__**quema**__**, **__**Carlos**__**. **__**Me **__**encanta **__**casi tanto**__** como **__**el**__** sabor**__** de**__** ustedes **__**en mi**__** lengua**__**..." **_("I love it when you burn me, Carlos. I love it almost as much as the taste of you on my tongue...")

Mind gone, I kissed her until she was clutching at my arms and her knees had given out. When I regained enough control, I eased her away from me and I was endlessly pleased to see that dazed look back on her face. If I have my way, I'll be putting that look on her face well into our 80s, 90s...

"_Carlitos, you said that you would help me! Leave Estefanía be and come bring the roast out!"_

"Coming, mama! We'll continue this later, Babe."

"Promise?" she rasped.

"Mm-hm. You go wash up and I'll see you at the table."

She nodded and I watched hungrily as she made her way out, my eyes glued to the sway of her hips, the shakiness of her knees…

This woman will be the end of me and I will be a damn happy bastard when it happens.

_**/**_

**Morelli's POV**

"_Detective, we ran the tests twice. The results are accurate. The child that Ms. Barndhart is carrying is yours. I can bring you the results for you to look yourself…"_

Hearing that damn doctor's voice in my head again, I pounded back another shot at the pub and looked at the medical papers. Not even the strongest rotgut vodka could erase all the 9s on that paper. In fact, all it did was make them multiply…99.9999…_**damn it!**_

What the flying fuck am I gonna do now? Barndhart may be a sick, twisted bitch but Burg tradition dictates that when two people make a baby, they're supposed to get married. Unless I attempt to get back in the Navy (something that wasn't gonna happen, even in these fucked up times…**_dishonorable discharge means dishonorable discharge_**) or I get back into the Undercover rotation, I'm fucked. I'm gonna be stuck funneling money to that stupid slut for 18 years and even I realize that Cupcake isn't gonna put up with me knocking up Joyce Barndhart. Never mind that Manoso's a cold blooded, murder for hire mercenary. No, any man screwing Joyce Barndhart in her eyes is unforgivable and deserving of complete social destruction. The Dick _**still **_can't get work in New Jersey, for chrissakes…

What am I gonna say to my mother? Or Nona? Or _**Mom**_…god, if Mom finds out, she'll tipple herself into a coma and the Plan will fall through. I set up the spa shit for Stephanie in Manhattan (which took a **_huge_** chunk out of my oat sowing budget) and there's gonna a blowout of a stag party at the best titty bar in Brooklyn, courtesy of Tony and cousin Gio. **_This_**…this **_cannot_** get out. Not now. I'm gonna have to talk to Joyce and convince her that it's in her best interest to keep her fucking mouth shut until _**after **_ Cupcake and I are married. After all, she won't be permitted to divorce another man in the Burg. No, she'll be stuck with me and if she does manage to get loose, I won't stop until she's back with me where she belongs.

This shit's gone on long enough. I'm not gonna let that wetback, Castro cocksucking fucker keep her away from me any longer. It's a distinct possibility that this surprise wedding shit's gonna fall apart, Barndhart or no Barndhart, so now's the time to make a few phone calls for a little insurance policy.

Manoso isn't the only person with thugs at his disposal. It's time to fight fire with fire…


	25. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Good afternoon, y'all. Maybe writing something for a fandom that I'm immersed in will jump start my inspiration for the ones that I have work to finish in. Probably not but hey, y'all get an update and it's a good one. We're going back into Trenton and a lot of this chapter came to me in a dream. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I walked into the Bonds Office before it opened and heard a sound that reminded me of a dying chicken. Frowning, I cautiously went to Vinnie's office door and pulled it open, not knowing what the hell I'd be looking at. To my utter shock, I saw Vinnie sitting on the floor, big crocodile tears falling down his face and him slowly rocking back and forth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I greeted in our typical abrasiveness.

"She's…she's _**pregnant**_, damn it! She…she…_**stupid bitch!**_" Vinnie yelled while throwing a duck shaped paperweight across the room.

Blinking in confusion, I pulled a piece of newspaper to the floor and sat on it in front of him, actually wanting to help him out. Being around Carlos and his family drove home just how important it is to back each other up. And since he wasn't on Team Helen (as Lester had oh-so-cleverly dubbed her and Morelli and the rest of the Burg sheep), it was worth a shot…

"Hey…hey, it's okay. Lucille's wanted your babies since forever for some godforsaken reason so…"

"No! Not _**her!**_ I don't give a fucking shit if _**she's **_pregnant! _**Joyce**_ is! My…my little goat's _**pregnant**_…" Vinnie confessed miserably, making my jaw drop to my shoes.

Oh, god, it's multiplying! Wait…little goat? Why the hell would Vinnie be calling someone…_**oh**_…oh, _**sick!**_ Let's just ignore that and get back to the main idea: Joyce Barndhart is knocked up and obviously it's not Vinnie's. Thank God, I'd hate to have to share DNA with the same whore who insisted on stealing my husband and trying to sink her teeth into Carlos, not to mention Morelli…_**Morelli**_…

An evil grin started to tug at my lips and I asked, "Who's the father?"

"That damn cop you used to fuck all the time!"

Forget what I've said before, karma is the greatest woman _**ever!**_

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

When she told me, I damn near swallowed my tongue in horrified amusement.

"_**Morelli**_ is the father of Joyce Barndhart's baby?"

"Yep!" she chuckled as she spun slowly in her cubicle chair.

"Is it bad that I actually feel a little sorry for him?"

I really do. Don't get me wrong, Morelli's always going to be a lowdown piece of shit in my eyes for all he's done to my Babe but…_**Jesus Christ!**_ Joyce Barndhart? I wouldn't wish 18 years of **_her_** on my worst enemy!

"No, Batman. That's natural. Better her than me. Don't get me wrong, I want _**your **_children but I don't think I could live with being the spawn mother to the next generation of Morelli assholes. And then with Joyce's twisted DNA in the mix? Those kids are gonna be evil, manipulating, animal screwing, choo-choo playing monsters. You think we can put our kids in different schools?" she questioned while worrying at her lower lip.

"We will put them a different _**state**_."

"Good idea. Oh, dad wants us to meet him at Pino's for lunch. I'll bet you 10 bucks that Morelli will make an appearance before we can even order."

"That's a sucker's bet, Babe. Wait…if he's impregnated Barndhart, shouldn't that dissuade your mother from all of her shanghaiing plans?"

"Knowing Morelli, he probably hasn't told her but that doesn't mean squat. The Burg grapevine never fails. At least it'll hurt someone other than me this time."

_**/**_

**Morelli's POV**

The bells above the door jingled and I was shocked to see Frank Plum entering Pino's. From what mom's told me, the old man doesn't like straying too far from his recliner but obviously, he's changed. The firm backbone that I saw during that whole attempted homicide thing at the Dinner was still there and his eyes (Cupcake's eyes) were alert. My stomach turned as I recognized that alertness from dealing with Manoso and the rest of his thugs. Army…of course. And the Murdering branch of the Army at that, too. I guess I should be lucky that it was the vase and not my head…

I shoveled in some more of my hangover cure (the Lumberjack Special with a side of spicy marinara sauce) and then in walks Cupcake with Manoso. Christ, why the hell couldn't she have looked that good when she was with me? She had on a green and blue shirt with silver flowers all over it, black jeans, and a pair of low heels. Her hair was no longer the tangled rat's nest that I had to deal with and even with no makeup, she was a knockout! Fuck, why does she always insist on spitting in my goddamned eye…?

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, Pumpkin. Carlos."

"Frank.", he replied before shaking his hand.

What the fuck? I had been Cupcake's first everything and he wouldn't even give me the time of day! Manoso gets to shake his hand and call him Frank after like 5 minutes of being with her? Shit! The trio moved to a back booth so I couldn't hear anymore of their conversation but that didn't matter. I just wanted to look at her, to see what I'd be enjoying in less than a month, wedding or not.

I had found an old Navy buddy and after getting him a job in the precinct, we had come up with a back up plan. If (when) all the wedding shit fell apart and as soon as he could find her, he'd snatch her and bring her to his cabin in Maine, where I'd be waiting for her. Images of the punishment I'd inflict on her for her ways made me smile darkly, especially as she reached forward to grab the water pitcher. Mmm…I can hardly wait to get my hands on those…

The smile immediately dropped from my face as Barndhart came in, that dumbass smirk on her face.

Shit.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"Well, well, well…look who's stopped sucking cock long enough to come outside!"

I rolled my eyes and looked at Joyce with disdain. Even though she was starting to show, she insisted on coming out of the house in black leather hot pants, black platforms and a pink tube top. She made the ladies on Stark Street look like Southern Belles, for chrissakes!

"Look, just because you've gotten yourself knocked up doesn't mean I won't slap your mustache off your face! What? You thought that I didn't know? Everyone does and_** I**_ even know who the victim…sorry, _**father**_ is! Better you than me!" I returned fire as I stood up.

"Huh, right! You're just jealous!"

"Of what? _**You're**_ the one that's stuck with _**Morelli**_ for the next 18 years!"

The gawking crowd gasped and then all eyes went to the bar, where a pale faced Morelli was sitting. Oh, apparently, it was supposed to be a secret. Well, I don't blame him. Not only would this nasty bit of news send my mother into a tippling frenzy but I just guaranteed that he'd never get laid again around here. Even the Burgiest Burg Girl would sew it shut at the thought of having to deal with Baby Mama Joyce. Oops…_**not!**_

"Oh, and here's the lucky man, now! You wouldn't mind me sending a couple of onesies, would you? I mean, they'll definitely have the RangeMan logo on them but still…" I offered sweetly.

My father didn't even try to contain his mirth and Carlos had his eyes shut and a fist in front of his mouth, his equivalent of hysterical laughter. Morelli merely gave me a blistering glare and stalked out of the restaurant, prompting me to turn back to a rapidly deflating Joyce. What had she been expecting? What had they _**all**_ been expecting?

"Joyce, I don't give a flying fucking damn about Joseph Morelli anymore. He knocking you up doesn't hurt me. It makes me happy. You know why: **Because he's not my problem, anymore.** _**You're**_ gonna be stuck with his Italian hand gestures and his Boys and Bob and every Burg busy-body is gonna be darkening your door and judging your every move, especially if you keep on being the sick slut that everyone knows you are. _**You're**_ gonna be stuck cooking his meals and washing his disgusting underwear and watching as he drinks himself to death just like his lousy dad and grandpa and every other Morelli excuse of a man, leaving you all alone to raise his demon children. So, you can go around saying that you stole yet another man from stupid little Stephanie Plum but at the end of the day, _**I **_win. You know why?"

"W-why?"

"Because I'm going home with a man that loves me, _**all**_ of me. He'd kill for me, die for me and I'd do the same for him. Can you say that about Morelli?"

Dead, cricket chirping silence.

Fuckin' A right, bitch.


	26. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Good evening, y'all. It's time to head towards the climax of this little ditty and I'm so looking forward to this. My goal is to finish this story before September (because I'm supposed to be starting college…in theory) and I think I can make it, barring unforeseen occurrences. Wish me luck.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Helen's POV**

The last few weeks have been hell on Earth. Sadly, Joseph (and the Burg Ladies) had confirmed what that _**girl**_ had said in Pino's and now, that Barndhart hussy was looking to marry **_my_** son. It was absolutely out of the question! The proper wedding plans were mercifully done, no thanks to Valerie and that Mary-Lou. According to Vincent (and Ms. Turner), **_both_** of them were out of town on a joint family vacation. No one knew exactly where they were in the South but they weren't going to be back until the day after the wedding. How dare they? They know how important this event is going to be and instead of standing up and fulfilling their responsibilities to the Burg, they had skipped out! Well, no matter! Asking them had just been a formality, anyway. If (when) they had interfered against Joseph, they would've been out immediately, despite the protests Stephanie would raise.

Anyway, it had been very easy to replace them with Louise Erickson's twin daughters. Their good Nordic looks would balance out the inevitable disaster that Stephanie would look like and the wedding photos would be gorgeous…

"We need to see Stephanie Plum, now! I know she's around here somewhere with your boss!" Joseph demanded with full proper Italian male dominance.

The interior of the Thug's building was actually quite tasteful, far from the images that the Burg had put in my head of X-crosses, camouflage and barbed wire. The floors were a shining black marble, the walls were a soft shade of blue and even with no windows, the Lobby was open and _**almost**_ relaxing.

The blonde henchman at the reception desk looked at Joseph coolly and replied, "Do you have an appointment?"

"I don't_** need**_ a fucking appointment! I'm a detective in the police department!"

"I'm fully aware of who you are and what you were to Ms. Plum, Detective Morelli but unless you have an appointment or a _**legitimate **_warrant, I can't allow you to enter the building any further."

Legitimate warrant? Why would that be a concern? Joseph was one of the most valued cops in Trenton. His word was as good as gold!

"Well, where's Manoso or those other guys that are always around him?"

Never looking away from us, the boy typed on his computer quickly and a shiver went down my spine at the flat ice in his dull brown eyes.

"Ranger, the Core Team, and Ms. Plum for that matter are all out of town on an extended assignment. I have no information on where they are or when they'll be returning but if you would like to leave a message, I'll be sure to pass it on to them as soon as possible."

Joseph's face became a rather frightening shade of red and I put my arm out to stop him from saying anything else. Fine. If this thug won't respond to the authority of a police officer, then he will **_certainly_** respond to mine. I am Helen Plum, a pillar of Chambersburg and my influence could ruin his reputation for life…

"Listen, you! It is very important that I speak to Stephanie immediately!", I cut in.

"And just _**who**_ are **_you_**?" he asked with a bored look on his face, like I was a wayward child, a nobody! How dare he…?

My jaw dropped at the child's audacity and replied, "_**I am her mother**_!"

As much as it made me sick to claim her aloud, it was imperative that Joseph and I get inside to see for ourselves that she was not here. Stephanie was just that childish enough to lie and with her abhorrent liaisons with these monsters, they would easily lie for her in exchange for her _**attentions**_ …

The boy's calm facade broke and his face visibly darkened as he typed something else into his computer.

"Helen Plum?", he asked brusquely.

"Yes! Where is my daughter? What have you all done with her?"

The thug took a deep breath and I was shocked to see barely contained rage in his eyes.

"I've already explained to your companion where your daughter is. Ma'am, there is a standing order from Ranger himself that you are not to be allowed on any of his properties without the express permission of Ms. Plum or himself. Any failure to follow this order will result in immediate termination and since I have a wife and 4 kids to feed, I'm going to have to ask you to leave immediately. Please take the detective with you."

"You can't speak to me like that!"

"I'll have you arrested for…" Joseph began.

He stood up and I swallowed thickly as the "secretary" towered over both of our heads as he stood. Of course, he was armed…

"You have **_no_** authority here, Detective and any attempt to arrest me will be construed as an abuse of power and since the Police Department is quite disgusted with your recent behavior, I'm sure they'll skip straight to termination and save the reprimands for the mailbox. You and Mrs. Plum will leave _**now **_or I _**will**_ be calling security…RangeMan Trenton, how may I help you today?" he greeted pleasantly as he answered the phone, showing just how psychotic these _**RangeMen **_were.

How else could he switch from foaming at the mouth to civilized in so little time?

With a disgusted huff, I grabbed Joseph's arm and ushered him out of the Fortress.

"Extended assignment…Joseph, do you think you can figure out where she is?"

"Knowing Manoso, he's probably dragged Cupcake off to Uzbekistan." he replied sullenly, making me bury my face in my hands.

I need my medicine.

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"Stephanie!"

Before I could even blink, Julie had leapt fearlessly from the wraparound porch and nearly sent me to the ground in a Hobbes hug. Cracking up, I hugged her back fiercely and watched as she bounced like Tigger on the grass as everyone got out of the trucks. As soon as Carlos climbed out, she did the same thing to him and yelped as Carlos lifted her off the ground in response.

"Ranger!" she cheered.

"_**Hola**__**, **__**hija**__**. **_Where's your mom?"

"Out back with Ron. Oh my god, you're getting _**married **_to Stephanie, your _**Babe**_…_**and**_ without the zombie apocalypse happening first. I'm so proud of you!" the 13 year old declared before sticking out her tongue.

She was certainly her father's child: a complete smartass. She had Carlos' coloring and the wavy texture of his hair. At 13, she stood at a solid 5'8 and was skinny as a runway model. She was a honey blonde and big green eyes, eyes that held no fear or sadness sparkled in the Miami sunshine. She had on a pair of black jeans and a red shirt with white Batman logos all over it as well as mismatched pink and green socks.

"You're not funny. Go say hello to your uncles.", he grumbled with a fond smile.

Jules nodded and ran to the trucks, tackling an unaware Lester and prompting Tank to pick her up and take off running for the backyard, promising to protect her from the wrath of "Rico Suave". Cal, Hal, and Bobby took off after them and Hector just shook his head with amusement, a rare smile lighting up his face. Wow, there must be something **_crazy_** good in the air here…

"There's nothing in the air, Babe. They're just excited. I am too. I get to marry you in less than 2 weeks."

I blushed at his sweet words and looked down at my bare feet, marveling at all the green grass underneath. While it was getting colder and uglier in Trenton (when we left, the first snow of the season was beginning to fall), Miami was warm and beautiful. The colors of the buildings, the blue of the sky and water, the sun…

"I don't get how you ever left here."

"You were in Trenton, Babe. Miami can't hold a candle to you.", he replied simply before capturing my lips in a deep sultry kiss, outdoing the heat around us and buckling my knees.

Be still, my heart.


	27. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: What it do, y'all. I apologize for going off the radar a bit but I promise to make this next series of chapters worth it. The weddings, both the correct one and the unholy one, will be written soon. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Frank's POV**

"You're going out of town, _**now?**_ You can't!" Helen screeched, making me look at her soberly as I loaded suitcases into the backseat.

"Why not, Helen? We can afford it and I'm even taking that crazy mother of yours with me. I thought you'd appreciate the time alone. You've been so stressed out lately."

"I'm glad you've finally noticed Frank but…I need you _**here**_!"

"For what? Is there something going on, Helen?"

Even though I gained a hard, no nonsense reputation in the Army, I have a tendency to see the good in people. Just because the majority of the world is full of manure doesn't mean that a rose couldn't be present. I passed that idea on Pumpkin and Val and it's gotten me through some tough times with Helen. I'm trying to give her a way to be honest with me. I know exactly why she doesn't want me leaving, what with the unholy matrimony she's been "secretly" planning but I want her to say it. I want her to be fully honest with me. I _**need **_her to be fully honest with me.

See, after talking with Valerie in Shorty's, I quietly got divorce papers drawn up. Now, I haven't signed them yet. I've tried to but the pen never touches the paper. I suppose it's out of that stubborn hope that Helen will realize what she's doing and become the woman I fell in love with again. She wasn't like this before. In fact, as much as she would cringe (and pickle her liver) to admit it, she used to be a lot like her mother and Stephanie. She didn't take shit from anyone and she wasn't afraid to be herself and protect her own.

Not anymore. She cared only about her reputation and herself, in that order and this…all this is the last straw. If she doesn't cease what she's trying to do, not only she going to lose both of her daughters, she's going to lose me too…

"No, Frank. It's just that you're my husband and you going off on your own for so long doesn't look too good. What would the neighbors think?" she fretted, making me close my eyes and count to 20.

If I didn't, I'd yell at her and blow the Miami Objective out of the water. I've never failed in a mission before and I'm certainly not going to start now, not when my daughter's future is in the balance.

"**Helen, I don't give a damn about what any of the neighbors think.** **I never have and I never will.** I think that this trip will be good for your mother. It'll keep her out of perverted trouble and she's always wanted to travel a bit before she passes on. Now, it's paid for, we're packed, and we're going. You are going to stay here in Trenton and hold down the fort. Understood?"

"But, Frank…"

"My decision is final, Helen. Edna, are you ready to go?"

Edna came out in a pair of jeans and a thick woolly black and red poncho. I had gotten her some solid winter's boots with plenty of traction and I was pleased to see them on her feet. The snow melted before it could stick but there were still ice patches around, ice patches that would shatter any bones in her.

"Sir, yes sir! Get me out of this icebox! My nipples are aching and not in the good way!" she declared cheerfully before settling into Big Blue.

I swore under my breath and looked at Helen. She was still beautiful, even with middle age spread and graying hair but her attitude…her attitude made her a monster, a monster that I can no longer in good conscience live with. I will always love her. She gave me two of the greatest gifts that a man could have and she has taken good care of me physically over the years.

But, now, whether I like it or not, things have changed.

"When we get back, I need to speak with you. It's important and I don't want your tippling or whatever you do with your friends interfering."

She nodded sullenly in agreement and went back inside the house, slamming the door like a child.

I sighed and got in the car, heading towards the expressway. Although my last ditch attempt at salvaging the clusterfuck that's become my marriage just went out the window, I couldn't help but smile.

I get to walk my baby girl down the aisle in less than 4 days.

_**/**_

**Morelli's POV**

"You're _**what?**_"

"_I didn't stutter. Going after that woman is an instant death sentence. I don't care if you saved my life or not, I'm not getting involved with it. If you want this Stephanie Plum broad away from Manoso, you're gonna have to do it on your own. I sent you your money back and I've changed the locks on the place. I'm sorry, man. I hope it works out for you."_

The dial tone sounded worse than a gunshot and I put the phone down, putting my head in my hands. None of my contacts could a read on where Cupcake was and the wedding day was coming up fast. Barndhart was calling me night and day with ultrasound appointment times and looking for a fuck but even I realize that fucking another woman before your wedding is low. Now, afterwords? That's a whole different story…

"Aw, don't look go grim, cuz! You're getting' married and you're in motherfuckin' New York! Who knows how many stupid broads will let ya at them this week?" Gio greeted while slapping my back.

Of course, Tony smacked him upside the head and assured him that he'd keep me out of anyone's pussy until we got back to Trenton. Tony was the first Morelli man to successfully sober up and now, he owned the titty bar that the party was gonna be at. He lived large and had actually gotten married himself, something that he swore he'd never do. Something about continuing the cycle or some other bullshit…he didn't know that Cupcake didn't know about the wedding or even want it. It doesn't matter. We are getting married and she **_will_** be **_my_** wife.

Just because Dave decided to pussy out doesn't mean that Plan B is shot. The Department has a couple of safehouses and they never took my keys from me. The one in Point Pleasant was excellent for it all. It was secluded enough but still near the beach. Cupcake loves the beach…

"Bro, you look like you're heading to the firing squad. Are you sure that you're ready to get hitched?"

"Tony, I'm fine. I'm just tired from the drive up. Why don't take Gio and get Mooch's face out of a bottle long enough to show 'em around town?"

"A bottle? Huh, more like my top dancer's cleavage…okay. The room service menu's over there and there's booze in the mini bar. You know, I'm looking forward to meeting Stephanie. She sounds like a hell of a woman."

_More like a hell of a pain in the ass. Christ, where is she? Ever since she started fucking Manoso and all his thugs, she's harder to pin down than fuckin' Waldo…_


	28. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Good morning, y'all. Shout out to Margaret Fowler for her messages and the reminder that people are still interested in _Unstoppable_. Shout out to all of you for making this little ditty my first story to get 300 reviews! This…is…_SPARTA_! And it's totally awesome. My writer's block has finally been demolished by wedding cupcakes and wild dancing until midnight and I hope you guys enjoy what I've come up with. I do.  
**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

"I can see why Carlitos and Tater adore you so much." Alejandro Santos-Guzman declared serenely as we folded laundry.

Alejandro was Lester's older brother and looked like a taller, male version of Ella. The kind brown eyes common to the family line blazed behind thick black square frames and his black hair was tied back in a ponytail. While Lester, Raph and Carlos were more than a little roughneck, he had the demeanor of a yoga instructor, which was appropriate since that's what he does now. The army ink on his wrists spoke of an adventurous past, though…

"Tater?"

"Lester. When we were little kids, he loved tater tots and could always be bribed into mayhem with them and pop rocks."

I grinned at the image of little Lester running around with ketchup stains on his fingertips and sighed. Dad and Grandma were going to be here by noon and the last minute preparations for the wedding had gone surprisingly well. Maybe it's because Carlos and I are keeping it small. Maybe it's because Carlos has taken an active role in the prep and shit gets done right when he's around. Or maybe, it's God and Karma's gift.

After all, we are finally getting it right finally. The point is that I have my dress, the food (and most importantly, the cake) tastes like heaven, and Vinnie says that Helen and Morelli are still utterly clueless. …Yeah, I know. Vinnie, Stephanie? You're using _**Vinnie **_as your lookout? Well, yes. After all, he's counting on Morelli pulling a Morelli (try saying that 5 times fast) and leaving Joyce high and dry for the taking. The ick factor is high but whatever. Besides, the only other option was Mooner and he's already down here with Connie. Whether he's a safe wedding date or more remains to be seen but if they do hook up…well, stranger things have happened.

"You've been good for them. You've prompted my little brother to grow up and my little cousin to act like a human instead of a Terminator. Not to mention the effect you've had on RangeMan in general."

"What do you mean?"

"They realize now that even though violence and guns are fun, man cannot live well on them alone. You, _**Estefanía **_in all of your Burg girl glory forced a bunch of hardass military men back into the land of the living and they're happier. Happy soldiers are better soldiers." he replied sagely.

Before I could reply, a sniffling 3 year old Sonya came in, blood dripping from a cut on her finger.

"Tia Stephanie…I gots an owie." the little angel whimpered, making me pick her up and hug her tight.

"Okay, _**dulce. **_ Let's make it better. What adventures were you getting into when this happened?" I asked as we headed for the kitchen, her daddy following us.

"I was tryin' to pick you a rose like daddy did for mommy today and it stuck me.", she explained an adorable moue, making my heart turn to goo.

True to Lester's words, the Miami branch of the family loved me on sight. Sonya was youngest of Alejandro's children. Yelina was Julie's age and Ricardo (Ricky) was 17. We had bonded over Bombshell stories and our shared hatred of math. Sonya had me from the first "Up, please!" and always found her way to my lap or my hip. I didn't mind it at all and neither did Carlos.

"This is gonna sting a little but it'll keep the cut and you from getting sick. You don't wanna get sick before me and your uncle get married, do you?"

"Nuh-uh. I wanna play with Lisa and M.A. and dance and eat lots of cake!" she declared as I sprayed the antiseptic with a grin. Thank God that Lester wasn't the only Santos that knew what real food was. Don't get me wrong, I love my new diet (and Ella's cooking) but cake? Cake rocks!

Reaching back into the fist aid kit, I held up two boxes of band-aids.

"Barbie or Ninja Turtles?"

"Ninja Turtles, please."

A girl after my own heart. I put the band-aid on and pressed a kiss to the digit before setting her own her feet.

"All better, now. Go find your cousins. I saw them with two 96 packs of crayons earlier…and sparkle stickers."

Sonya's eyes glazed over dreamily at the thought and she skipped out of the kitchen, promising to draw me a thank you dinosaur with lots and lots of stickers.

I have a feeling that I'm gonna have a collage worth by the end of the year.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"I smell something burning, Carlitos. I do hope you're not getting cold feet. I'd hate to see you get your ass kicked."

"Now, _**there's **_a lie if I ever heard one." I replied, making Catalina giggle and slug me in the arm. Catalina had been Alejandro's best friend since Pre-K and everyone knew that they were going to end up married. He had even sworn it at their elementary school graduation. Cat being Cat agreed but also made him work for her, becoming the family's source of amusement until I met my Babe…

"All right, you caught me. Seriously, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing bad. Just…I'm getting married to the right person at the right time and when I saw her tending to Sonya…"

"Which was _**tan adorable**_ (so adorable)…"

"…I just…she…I want that with her. Babies and band-aids and all the shit I used to run from. Cat, she's changed me."

"And you're better for it. Now, you may have been a big bad ass CEO before you met her but you were damn miserable. You were lonely and you threw yourself into work and military mortal peril to try and fill the gap. And when that didn't work, you tried the whole 'condom not ring' nonsense and while that got you more ass than a toilet seat…"

Cat's been hanging around Babe more than I realized.

"…it didn't feed your heart. Steph does and I'm glad you realized it on your own because if that Mambo 1, 2, 3 bullshit you were doing with her continued past New Year's, Tater was going to use us in an emergency Intervention. Either that or go after her himself."

I snorted ruefully and conceded the point with a nod. If Lester or one the other RangeMen went after her, then my hands would've been tied. Unlike Morelli, each of my _**hermanos **_know how to treat and respect women. Not to mention that all of them have been (and probably still are) in love with Steph at any given time. If Lester or Brown or even Tank had stepped up to the plate, Steph would've certainly taken them up on it and I'm sure that I wouldn't have been able to get her away from any of them. After all, they know my poaching techniques better than anyone. And none of them had played a fraction of the mind games I did with her.

The fact that I'm the one marrying her in less than three days is a huge blessing, one that I'm not going to squander.

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

"**_Please_** tell me that you've found her, Joseph."

"_All I know is that she's still in the country. None of my contacts have seen her up in New England and she's not in Newark. She changed her credit cards and her number again and none of her friends are answering their phones, either."_

I groaned deeply and continued pacing in the church courtyard, snow crunching underneath my boots. Young Father Matthews kept shooting me suspicious glances but I made sure to keep my voice down and a smile on my face. Keeping a calm surface was the key to being a proper woman, something that Stephanie never learned. She wore all of her emotions on her sleeve and never yielded to reason. If she could just do what's best for everyone instead of being so selfish, then we wouldn't be in this mess right now.

I can't even blame that _**Ranger**_ person for this. No, it's all on Stephanie. Never listened, never yielded, always going off on some harebrained scheme and embarrassing the family name. A family name that I won't be having much longer. I am not stupid. I know exactly what Frank wants to "discuss" when he brings my mother back. He wants to divorce me. Me! The Mother of his Children, the Caretaker of his house and he wants to divorce me just because I refuse to let Stephanie be a spoiled brat, anymore. Well, fine! If he wants that, he can have it! I'd rather deal with the shame of being divorced than the shame of being associated with the Crazy Plums, anyway…

"Joseph, the wedding is on Friday. Today is Tuesday and there is no bride, no father to walk the bride down the aisle and no way to postpone it. If you don't find her and bring her home, I'll never be able to show my face around here again. Do you want that to happen?"

"_Of **course** I don't, mom but…"_

"**Find her, Joseph**. I don't care what you have to do. Find her and get her back here. Oh, and call that Barndhart woman and tell to keep away from the ceremony. Her presence will prompt too many questions. It's bad enough that _**she **_decided to air your little mistake in the middle of Pino's. We don't need any more gossip."

"_I'll do my best, mom. See you soon."_

I hung up my mobile phone and sighed heavily before making my way back to the young man who is supposed to help me repair the damage to my reputation.

Why do I have the feeling that everything is about to go terribly, terribly wrong?


	29. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Hey, y'all. I'm so sorry for falling off the face of the planet but I'm sick. I've got a Cough that'll make a grown man cry and I messed up my ankle a couple of days ago. But, no matter. My muses are hungry and I'm too bored for my afternoon nap. This update is short but hopefully sweet. The next chapter will contain Stephanie and Ranger's nuptials and the ones after that will contain the Toast of the Burg. No worries, though. Our heroes will certainly get a honeymoon but not until after they deal with Morelli, the Wench, and the Burg Sheep.**

**PS: I added a Babe fic staple that I've always loved. I hope you guys enjoy it too.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

"Beautiful, are you sure about this? This is permanent and visible and you hate needles…"

"Can it, Tater. I know that it's permanent and visible and that I hate needles but I've always wanted to do this. Besides, this way, even Helen will realize that I'm done with what the Burg wants and thinks is best for me. I've got what's best for me and _**that **_is his logo."

It took every ounce of my control not to plunge my tongue down Steph's throat as she picked out the Batman logo from the Wall. Since the wedding would be the day after tomorrow and we would be separated, I asked her to spend the day with me. I showed her all of my old haunts, from my high school to the parking lot where I hotwired my first car, and we had ended up at **_Needlepoint_**, the tattoo parlor where the men got their ink and piercings. While Lester and I caught up with Axle (the 70 year old man was still going strong), Babe had explored the shop with solemn quiet. Just as we were about to leave, she marched up to Axle and declared that she wanted to be inked.

"Finally, a woman who appreciates the classics! You know, if you ever get sick of _**Sombra **_(Shadow) or the rest of his crazy family, you're welcome to become my next wife. It's been far too long since I've had such lovely companionship…" Axle offered with a gallant kiss to her hand.

"I'll keep that in mind, good sir. So, yeah. I want the Batman logo on my left wrist, please. And I want this date put underneath it.", she replied happily as she wrote on a nearby legal pad.

Warmth filled my heart as I immediately recognized it. That was the day that a spitfire of a woman came into that Diner and I fell like a house of cards for her, the day that changed everything for the better. The broad grin on Lester's face indicated that he recognized it too and he shook his head fondly as they headed for the back.

"She's not like other women, Rangeman. She's different."

"I know."

"She's marrying you **_and_** getting a tattoo. That's crucial."

"It is."

"Don't fuck this up."

"I don't intend to."


	30. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: It was a dark and stormy day, one of boredom and of siblings at school and parents out of the house. The sick but dedicated author at her new fangled typewriter was struck by the urge to write and reward the loyal and endlessly patient readers of her Janet Evanovich scribble and "get to the good parts, already!" **

**It's on and popping and you're probably going to see multiple updates this week. Enjoy the show.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Frank's POV**

"We're fine, Helen…the number is blocked for privacy. After all, you said that you didn't want the neighbors knowing that we're out of town…we still have at least 2 days worth of tourist traps to hit…Helen, coming home early is out of the question…unless someone I actually know and care about has passed away, your mother and I will be back on Saturday…I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm giving you the alone time that you've always wanted…listen, I need to get the crazy old bat away from the bar so I need to hang up…goodbye, Helen…_** goodbye, Helen."**_

I hung up the phone with a long sigh of irritation and looked down at a disgusted looking Edna.

"She's getting desperate, isn't she?"

"I haven't heard anyone that panicked since Nam. How much do you want to bet that she's calling that Morelli trash and browbeating him?"

"That's a sucker's bet, Frank. Oh, I cannot _**wait**_ to bring Stepphie and Carlos to that church, already married and happy! The Burg will chew her up and spit her out, just like it's done to everyone else _**unsuitable**_."

I was in the same boat as she was. I was sick and tired of Chambersburg and its nonsense. It had damn near broken my daughters and had ruined my wife. Gone was the vibrant, defiant, happy woman that I married. Now, there was a screeching, gossip obsessed monster in her place, a monster that I was eager to detach myself from. Thanks to Carlos, I had found a divorce lawyer who would get the now signed papers to her post haste.

If the timing is correct, they should arrive at 12:30, the time slated for today's festivities.

"Daddy?"

Looking up the resort's main staircase, I felt my heart leap into my throat as Valerie and Stephanie led the procession of women. Stephanie had picked dresses that were light blue, near silver and looked good on all of her friends. I couldn't help but chuckle at the matching highlights that Lula had put in her hair but seeing the smile on Stephanie's face cut it off. I remember how scared and sad she looked when she married that Orr asshole. I also remember the resigned dread on her face as Helen pushed her closer and closer towards that scum Morelli.

Today, she looked blissful and completely like herself. Instead of a cream puff dress, she had on a simple white tube top and a white Gypsy skirt with light blue butterflies embroidered on the hem. She was barefoot and her hair was held back by a butterfly knife and my sharp eyes picked out Carlos' initials on the hilt. It must be her something old. The something new was on her left wrist, a tattoo of Batman logo, along with the date the two of them met. Great minds think alike because on my son's left wrist was the Wonder Woman logo with the date and BABE underneath…

My granddaughters came to me and looked at me with Stephanie's concerned curiosity.

"Why are you crying, Grandpa?" Angie asked softly.

"I'm happy, sweetheart. Your aunt's finally gonna be happy and that makes me happy."

"It makes us happy, too." M.A. replied with a brilliant smile.

Lisa just hugged me around my knees and cheered, "Happy, Gwampa! Auntie and 'Anger is gettin' mwarried!"

That statement set the tone for the rest of the day.

_**/**_

**Ranger's POV**

"You know, if you want to trade places, I'd be happy to oblige you." Lester declared with a shiteating grin.

"You know, I hear Siberia is wonderful this time of year, Santos." I volleyed back with a flat smile, making him put his hands up in surrender.

"Leave him be, Tio. Can't you see that he's in _**love…**_?" Julie chided as she came down the hall.

I'm going to have to make a point to RangeMan Miami to run background checks on the boys in her class post haste. Jules is certainly not a baby anymore and if the confidence in her body language is genuine, I'm sure she's got a hoard of boys vying for her attention.

"I don't need RangeMan to keep the boys off my back, Ranger. I'm smarter than them, I'm faster than them, and I can break a cinderblock with my head. They don't have the balls to even _**look**_ at me, much less ask me out." she supplied with a wicked grin, cracking everyone up.

Now, I know how Steph feels when we read her like a comic book. With a nod, I turned back to the mirror and straightened my collar. Forgoing tuxes, the men and I were dressed in black dress pants and royal blue dress shirts. Going along with everyone else, I was barefoot and my hair was down for my Babe. I rolled up my sleeves and made sure that my wedding tattoo was clearly visible. We would still have rings but the ink would be the real symbol of our union…

"You know, I'm gonna have to kick your ass for the whole tattoo thing. Cat saw them and now she wants me to get one for her.", Alejandro grumbled good naturedly.

"Jandro, you have five already." I pointed out with a shrug.

"She wants me to get it on my ass! My _**ass**_, man!"

"At least she didn't say your dick." Raph pointed out sagely.

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

"You still can't find her? The wedding is_** tomorrow**_**, **Joseph!"

"_Look, I'm trying my best here but no matter who I call or where I go, I can't find her! I even went up to Newark to see if she's hiding out at Manoso's relatives and got nothing! No sane judge is gonna give me a warrant for RangeMan and none of the ones up here want anything to do with me! Mary Lou, Val, Connie, and that Lula chick changed their numbers again and Vinnie wouldn't even open the door at the Bonds Office! My older brother's starting to get suspicious and Mooch just keeps laughing at me! This isn't going to work, Mom…"_

I groaned softly and took a long pull from my medicine before continuing to iron. Even with my favorite soap opera on in the background, I wasn't feeling better. Frank is gone. My mother is gone. Valerie is gone. Stephanie ran off with the Cuban monster and now, I'm going to be humiliated once again because of her! And because of my son's incompetence…

"Canceling it is out of the question. We'll just have to push on and if all else fails, you can call that Barndhart woman and marry her for a while. At least until that brat she's carrying is born. I hear she plans to leave Trenton afterwords so it should easy to separate yourself from her. Listen, I need to try and convince Frank to bring himself and my mother home. I called him earlier but he may have changed his mind by now. **Keep looking for her, Joseph**. Even she doesn't show up until after the weekend, she will still have to explain herself to both of us."

After I hung up, I put away my cleaning implements and sat in Frank's recliner. I don't understand why he's being so obstinate. All I'm trying to do is give us all a good standing in the community. All I'm trying to do is grant us some respect. Joseph loves her, I know he does. Why else would he be so determined to get her away from that Ranger person?

He's a good cop. His instincts couldn't possibly be wrong about him and RangeMan. And even if they are wrong, Ranger is not proper Burg material. He has no roots here and no respect for the order of things. He fills Stephanie's head with so many radical ideas and then, she spreads them around like a cancer.

Even now, I hear young girls talking about taking Pre-Calculus and joining such things like the ROTC, auto shop, and the Marching Band Drumline. None of them are interested in Home Ec or bridge club and marriage? Forget about it! They're "too busy" to be courted and then they've gotten picky, too! The Burg boys are ignored in favor of outsiders and seen as "disgusting". And then, instead of holding their ground and making them do as they should, the Boys compromise the neighborhood's standards and let the Girls guide them.

This wedding, the wedding that I've worked so hard on, _**needs**_ to happen. The young ones need to see that youthful rebellion and idealism have no place in Chambersburg! The moral decay from Vincent and that Barndhart creature didn't damage the whole but if something isn't done about Stephanie, then she'll tear everything apart without a single care in the…

There was a knock at the door and I stood up slowly, smoothing the wrinkles out of my dress. It was probably someone dropping off another wedding gift or one of the Erickson twins. Such lovely girls…

Opening the door, my stomach dropped to my shoes. This was Frederico Salvatore, the top divorce lawyer in the state. I remember him because Stephanie's unruly friends had hired him to help ruin poor Dickie Orr. He was tall, dark, handsome, and absolutely ruthless. He was in a black Armani suit and his dark brown eyes were coldly neutral.

"Good afternoon, ma'am. May I come in?"

"Of course. May I get you something to drink?" I agreed quickly, already seeing the curtains across the street start to move.

"No, thank you. I only intend to be here for a half hour. Ma'am, I am here as a representative to one Francis Raymond Plum. Are you Helen Elisa Plum nee Mazur?"

"Yes.", I replied with as much strength as I could. I can't believe him. After everything I've done for this family…after everything I've sacrificed…after all the humiliation I've endured…

"This is a petition for divorce. As you can see, Mr. Plum has already signed it and has agreed to leave this residence to you, as well as a 20% stipend from his armed service pension. He also wishes me to inform you that he will take on the care of one Edna Jacqueline Mazur with your daughters. Sign at the bottom, please."

"And if I don't?" I huffed.

"Then the divorce proceedings will still go forward and you will lose claim to this house and your stipend will be reduced by half."

I paled as images of the neighbors watching and laughing as I was forced out but I managed to muster up a last bit of defiance.

"May I have some time to think about this?"

"No. Your signature is required today because this petition has been granted dispensation to be put to rights by Monday of next week."

I could feel the tears threatening but I kept my composure as I neatly signed my name. At least it was better than the messy scrawl above it…

"Thank you for your time, ma'am. Have a nice day." Salvatore said politely as he let himself out.

As soon as his car turned the corner, I threw my wedding ring across the room with a yell and returned to the recliner numbly. Picking up my medicine, I polished off the last of it and stared blankly at the next soap opera.

First the wedding and now this. Will it ever end?

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"You're actually gonna eat some of this, right? It _**is **_our wedding cake after all…"

Carlos grumbled under his breath and surprising everyone took a chunk of cut cake and popped it in his mouth. My shocked laughter was cut off as he jammed another chunk into my face. Oh, you wanna play dirty now, Batman? Okey-dokey, then…

Picking up a huge hunk, I advanced on him slowly, ignoring the raucous cheering of our family as he bolted outside. A manic grin lit up my face and with a running tackle, I had him on his back and face smeared with delicious pastry. He yelped and we ended up wrestling on the patio via our first night together, laughing giddily. I was play fighting with my best friend and husband and I couldn't help but compare my last wedding to today.

The Orr nuptials had been all formality and stiff, forced emotions. The food had been good but I couldn't crack a smile until Mary Lou snuck in some Cuervo. The ceremony today had been warm and full of laughter, especially when Carlos wove some of our misadventures into his vows. Instead of stuffy old Father Matthews, there was Judge Henry Hudson, a kind and relaxed man, one who was line dancing with the kids. The food was a blend of Italian and Cuban and instead of a snooty four string orchestra, there was Sally Sweet on stage and DJ Moon-Man. The house was rocking and I was looking forward to a more intimate rocking tonight…

I grunted as he put me underneath him and got on top of me fully, putting our cake covered faces mere inches apart. His lips came down on mine roughly and I responded instantly, bringing my hands to his back, his neck, his silky dark chocolate hair…

"Hey, hey, hey…come on, now! There are children here!" Lester catcalled.

"Get bent, cousin." I wheezed. "Can we go have sex now, Carlos? I'd really like to show you my something blue."

Before I could even blink, Carlos had me up and over his shoulder, heading out the back.

I have a happy feeling that I'll be getting bent over many things, many times tonight.

Hooray for marriage!


	31. Chapter 30

**Author's Note: Oh, the drama. The long awaited, New Jersey drama. Our heroes have made their alliance legal in the eyes of the government. Now, it's time to make their alliance scandalous in the eyes of the Burg. It's the final round of **_**Stephanie Plum-Manoso vs. the World **_**and it's gonna be a doozy. Hold on to your hats, y'all. And the story should be wrapping up soon. There will be a honeymoon and an "into the future" epilogue.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Morelli's POV**

"So, you're telling me that not only does Stephanie want absolutely nothing to do with you but you've gotten another woman pregnant and you're determined to not take care of the kid_**, my fucking niece or nephew**_? Is that what you're telling me, Joey?"

Oh, shit. Who the hell told him? It was probably Mooch. The son of a bitch has been working against me for months, now and he would happily tell Tony the truth.

"Look, Tony, you don't understand what's on the line here…" I start, only for him to throw a vase at my head.

"Actually, I do! Your ego and that crazy Helen Plum bitch's reputation! I never thought that anyone could be a bigger bastard than dad until today! You need to go out there and tell all these people the whole truth! And then, you need to fucking lose my number! You're a pathetic piece of shit and you are_** no**_ brother of mine!"

The door slammed behind Tony and I turned to my mother, wincing at the disgusted shame on her face. Nona just gave me her Evil Eye and turned her back on me, staring defiantly at the wall. The shame drained away and the look in her eyes could've ripped me in two…

"I endured years of abuse so you and your brothers could have better and _**this**_ is what you do with the opportunity? You trail after Helen Plum like a lost puppy and you lie to everyone in the community, including your own family! You said that this wedding was for you and that Barndhart woman! What does Stephanie Plum have to do with any of this? You don't even love her! You never did!"

"It's not about love, Ma! It's about respect! She's run around like a bat of hell embarrassing the Burg for years! Embarrassing me and making people think that it's okay to piss away years of tradition! She's messed with the family honor and this is the only way to fix it! This isn't my fault! It's _**hers**_!"

"And you think forcing her to marry you will make things better? It's too late to save the Burg's traditions and everyone knows it except for you! And as for family honor…bah! The Morelli family has _**no **_honor! No respect! Your rat bastard father and his brothers made sure of that! I thought you were different, Joseph! You _**promised **_me that you'd be different! That you'd be someone to be proud of!" she sobbed before slapping me hard.

"I _**am **_different! I became a cop and everything!"

She deflated and now, there was nothing but pity in her eyes.

"According to the Gillman girl, the only reason you haven't been fired is because people like watching you fail. You have allowed your pride and your overactive dick to destroy any credibility that you managed to get. You are nothing but swine and I am deeply ashamed to call you my son. Come, mother. We have no further business here."

Nona glared at me coldly and then moved her fingers in her now infamous curse. Even though I know it's bullshit, I can't help but feel cold sweat around my collar. I told Mom that it was all going to fall apart, that this wedding shit was a waste of time. That was why I came up with the Point Pleasant idea but what's an idea if I can't even find the bitch needed for it? Cupcake's friends are gone and when I went to see Mom yesterday, I found her staring blankly at a pineapple upside down cake, Frank Plum's favorite. A favorite that he would be getting from someone else because the old bastard finally got the balls to divorce her.

Everything has gone wrong since I left that damned voice-mail. Manoso swooped in and twisted Cupcake into someone I don't even know anymore. She broke my arm, she made me a laughingstock, Barndhart's carrying my baby…

Just what the hell have I done to deserve this?

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

_The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can get on with your life._

The church was a madhouse of people. Caterers, guests, witnesses, press members, wedding party members… it was so chaotic that it was laughably easy for us to slip into the back pew. I could see Helen with the young priest, talking and laughing fakely, typical Burg housewife behavior. She had on her best dress, a light blue 50s housewife number, complete with pearls and gloves. She had worn it on my wedding day to The Dick. I can still remember the feel of the velvet on my arm as she forced me towards the altar…

"Babe, are you okay?"

"I'm pissed off, Carlos. How can people be this stupid? They have to know that I'm done with Morelli and that Joyce is carrying his baby. And yet, here they are, expecting me to walk down that aisle and marry him like it's nothing."

I used to think that there was something in the water around here. I mean, there had to be. The Dick, the Morellis, Joyce, Helen…I just knew that was an outside source making them the way they were, making everyone that crazy, that…fanatical about the Order of Things. Could tradition and pride really do so much damage by itself?

Apparently, yes.

Someone eventually spotted us because soon, I was looking at a fuming Helen. I'm not sure what she was angriest about. The fact that I was wearing black, the fact that I was sitting with Carlos or the fact that she hadn't been able to find and control me. Either way, history was repeating itself because once again, there was a hand racing towards my face.

Before I could even blink, I had her wrist in my hand, ready and willing to break it.

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

"I'm not going to let you hit me. Let's make this clear, everyone: This wedding is nothing but a big lie! Joseph Morelli does not love me and I do not love him! I ended our pathetic excuse for a relationship over a year ago and I am married to Ricardo Carlos Manoso or Ranger as you all know him! We got married yesterday in Miami! My father was there! My grandmother was there and all the people who truly care about me were there!" she declared while showing her banded left hand to the gawking crowd.

He was pointing a gun at me. He had the nerve to point a gun at me! Not only was that Ranger creature pointing a gun at me but it was trained on my head like I was nothing but a common criminal! And what on Earth does she mean that she's already married?

"You married that thug?"

"Yes, I did! Not only did I marry him, **_I'm_** the one that asked him and_** no**_ Helen, I'm not pregnant! Unlike _**you! **_You were 4 months pregnant with Val when Dad married you! Besides, you're in no position to judge me because you're not even married, yourself anymore! Dad sent you divorce papers, yesterday!"

"And I bet you're just _**ecstatic**_! You get some sick pleasure out of humiliating me! You run around, destroying years of tradition and ruining the lives of respectable men!"

"The Dick was a selfish, arrogant tool and Morelli's nothing but a functioning alcoholic, just like his father and grandfather! Okay, you didn't want me! If we weren't Catholic, you would've aborted me! You said that yourself! Now, if you feel that way, then why have done this? One would think that you'd be happy to be rid of me! I'm with Carlos now and he has repeatedly said that the only reason that he stayed in Trenton was for me! And I don't even want to live here, anymore! I don't want to share the same **_state_** with you, Morelli, or that little demon kid that's growing in Joyce's belly! You'll never have to deal with me again! Doesn't that make you happy?"

Of course it does but at what cost? I have no husband, Valerie has turned into what _**she**_ is, my mother has of course taken her side, and now, my reputation is ruined! I can see the news cameras running and I see people leaving the church on mobile phones, spreading the word like wildfire. I'm going to be seen as nothing more than a monster, a meddling shrew that brought nothing but shame to the Burg!

"You turned your father against me! You turned Valerie and my mother against me, too!"

"You did that yourself! Don't worry, Helen. You still have your son." Stephanie soothed mockingly while turning to a red faced Joseph.

"How does it feel, Morelli? How does it feel to be seen as nothing more than a bumbling fool? How does it feel to be laughed at? To become a running joke? It's painful, isn't it? Well, this is what you and Helen have been doing to me for years! You knew that this wouldn't work, didn't you? You knew that I would never agree to cross the street with you, much less marry you! Which is why…you had a backup plan. You were going to kidnap me and drag me off to Maine so I can, how did your friend put it…**learn my place?**" she spat hatefully as she approached him, looking at him as if he were vermin instead of the fine man he is…

"You're lying! Joseph would never do anything like that!" I gasped but I could tell who the crowd believed.

"He could and he would've if his little partner hadn't seen sense and backed out! Of course, that didn't stop him from going to RangeMan with the plan! All the evidence is at PD and your son is going away for a **_long_** time!"

As if on cue, Shirley's husband cuffed him and dragged him to the doors, his partner reading him his rights. Joseph didn't say anything in response but he bowed his head on the way out, proving that she had gotten to him. After that, she crossed to the thug and gently disarmed him, unloading the gun and placing it in her purse. The hate in the thug's eyes made shivers go up and down my spine. I should've brought some of medicine with me…

"She's not worth it, you know."

"She tried to hurt you…again."

"She failed. And she won't ever do it again. Not her or anyone else in the Burg. You know, I meant it when I said that I didn't want to live here anymore."

"Miami, Boston, or someplace else?"

"Miami with a bit of Newark. That's where our family is."

"Done. Babe…can we leave now? I am very close to forgetting that we are in a church and that…**_creature_** is your mother."

She actually laughed and took his hand, leading him through the crowd.

"Obviously, she's forgotten it already but you have a point. It would kind of defeat the purpose of getting married if my husband is too busy serving 40 to life to be around."

And out the church, they went.


	32. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: SHE LIVES! Hey, y'all. So, I was trolling Google Images for Ranger and Stephanie pictures yesterday (a little post 18 Babe balm) and I found some promo shots for the movie. I'm a little dubious of Katherine Heigl as our girl but dude that plays Ranger…yummy. Even if the movie sucks (please God, don't let it suck…), I'll gladly shell out 12 bucks plus money for smuggled in refreshments to look at him for a couple of hours. **

**The story has entered the homestretch but it's more of a 7-10 more chapter homestretch. After all, there's fallout to be had and Married Babe smut to be written. Enjoy the update!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

We were sitting in Pino's for a quick lunch when I spotted a much quieter Joyce Barndhart sitting across the room. She had cut her hair and the tacky red had been replaced by a soft shade of auburn. Instead of vinyl and hooker boots, she was in a dark green maternity dress and knee high sturdy Doc Martens. What surprised me most was that she was absorbed in a copy of _**What To Expect When You're Expecting **_and seemed to be taking notes. She hadn't done anything like that in high school. She was too busy trying to suck off the starting lineup of the football team…

"If you want to talk to her, I'll back you up.", Carlos (my husband Carlos!) offered genuinely.

"I don't think I'll need it. I'll be back in a sec."

Joyce looked up as I cast a shadow over her table and for once, didn't scoff or sneer. In fact, she actually smiled at me.

"I heard how you took down that fucking bastard and your mom. Good job."

"I had a lot of help." I replied with a modest shrug. "How're things going?"

"The babies are growing the way they should be. I'm having twins. Can you believe it? It makes me even more determined to get the hell out of this place. It's bad enough that I'm going to have to explain everything and everyone I did when they get big enough. I don't need the Burg 'helping out'. Besides, the further I'm away from anyone named Morelli, the happier I know I'll be."

"Ain't that the truth. Um, Joyce? Not that I'm complaining but…"

"Why aren't I being a bitch to you and trying to flash your husband with my elastoboobs?"

"Yeah, that."

She sighed heavily and replied, "What you said to me before you went out of town hit home. I…I want someone to want me like Ranger wants you. I don't want to be the 'other woman' or 'the sick slut' anymore. I want to be different. I _**need **_to be different. After all, my babies deserve to have one decent parent since Morelli obviously isn't going to be around, what with the whole jail thing he's doing now. I hope he's a wife to at least 4 really big dudes…big dudes with access to Viagra. That'll teach him to be an asshole to women…"

I couldn't help but smile at that delicious image but I had to ask…

"What about Vinnie?"

Even though he'll always be a sick nasty fuck, he's family. A family curse but family all the same…

"As much as he loves me and as attached to him as I am…I can't anymore. He's still Burg through and through and he'll want me to stay here. I want to be the fuck out of Trenton before New Years and I'm not coming back ever. Fresh start means fresh start."

"He's going to heartbroken."

" Please. I know him. He'll get over it as soon as the butcher shop gets a new shipment of live ducks and chickens. Look, I got to go but…even though 'I'm sorry' can't come close to making up for all the times I shit on you or helped the Burg do it, I want to stay it anyway. I'm really sorry, Pl…Manoso. I really fucking am."

"It's okay, Joyce. Oh, and it's Plum-Manoso. Even though my mom's a piece of work, I still want that connection to my dad."

Joyce nodded and finished her Coke. With a polite nod to Carlos, she was out the door and I could feel a slew of old emotional wounds close in her wake. Sure, she hadn't been the only person around here to screw me over but she had been one of the biggest. Always taunting, always sniping, The Dick, Vinnie, her vigorous pursuit of Carlos (it still made me laugh to know that he was afraid of her…) and a whole slew of other things that it would take the rest of my life to list. The fact that she was apologizing of her own free will and had changed drastically because of something _**I **_had said to her was big.

And completely unexpected. Nice but unexpected…

"Carlos, did that really just happen?", I inquired as I started in on my sub.

"It did. You're a miracle worker, Babe and I'm a genius because I married you."

"Because_** I**_ asked you." I chided with a triumphant smirk.

I'm holding that little fact over his head for the rest of our lives! I don't care how immature it makes me sound!

"That doesn't matter, Babe."

"Oh, it so does…"


	33. Chapter 32

**Author's Note: Hello. I'm sorry for falling off a bit again but I have a gum infection and the drug cocktail they've got me on has me doing little more than sleeping and eating. Of course, my muses have some pep in their step, making it even harder for me to focus. Ugh…well, at least I don't have my usual Winter Chest Infection. And like I said, the Muses are happy so that means the possibility of more timely updates. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I know that I said before that it wasn't fair that Carlos got to be sexy and adorable while sleeping but now, I really can't muster the energy to complain. Of course, the fact that I'm naked in bed with him in a cabin on a private beach factors in nicely. Anyway, the patio doors are open and the warm breeze is making his hair flutter Bulgari scented goodness into my nostrils. He's actually snoring and sprawled out on his back this time, looking just like a mocha latte angel who decided to come and play with me for a while. Even in deep slumber, he was smiling and I couldn't help but follow the vein on his arm to his wedding tattoo. Scooting up, I pressed a kiss to it and his brow before resting my head on his broad chest.

We probably looked like a Cosmo photo or a scene out of those tropical Rom-Coms my grandma loved so much. White sheets, one of those ceiling fans made of old sail cloth, and I couldn't stop touching him, kissing him, looking at him. I have a husband. I have a _**good**_ husband. I got to marry my best friend. My mother's a laughingstock and Morelli's going to be someone's prison wife, complete with soap on a rope. My father is happier than I've ever seen him. My sister and I are getting along, Rex has got an army of hamster uncles that love him like I do, and my grandma hasn't opened a funeral casket in months.

Things are good. And I'm happy…yeah, really. I can honestly say that I'm happy.

I squeeze Carlos like he's my favorite stuffed animal (which happens to be him…) and he stirs underneath me lazily, reminding me of a big jungle cat in the sun…

"_**Estefanía**_?"

Mmm…I love it when he speaks his native tongue…

"_**Estoy aquí**__**, **__**mi marido…**_ (I'm here, my husband…)", I replied softly.

A happy sound, suspiciously close to a purr, rumbles in his chest and he pulls me up into a sultry kiss. I never thought our intimacy could get any better but ever since we got married, everything's felt more intense, more consuming, more tender…maybe it's our bodies confirming our commitment to each other or maybe it's just another gift from the Gods for getting our heads out of our asses. I'm not sure. What I _**am **_sure of is that I'd like my husband back inside me and…_**oooh**_…thank you, ESP! Oh, sweet Jesus…

A purr of my own echoed through our bedroom as he put me underneath him and I looked up into his eyes. I could see passion. I could see joy. I could see possession. I could see trust and I could even see a bit of fear, fear that I'd be taken away from him. Most of all, I could see staggering, unconditional love for me and I smiled at him. A soft, just for me version of his 200 watt grin lit up his face and our lips met again. We slid under the sheets and soon, everything but him faded away…

"_Mmmm…so good…so fucking __**good**__…Carlos…my Carlos_…"

"_Stephanie…mmm…Stephanie…love you…my Babe…__**mi Corazon**__…"_

Provided that nothing ghastly happens, we get to do this and more for at least 50 years.

_**Awesome**_.

"_Oh…oh my…Oh…oh, yes…mm…don't stop…don't ever…__**ah!**_"

I'm whimpering, he's moaning, we're going faster and faster, deeper and deeper until…

"_**Carlos!"**_

"_**Stephanie!"**_

_**/**_

**Helen's POV**

I stood silently as the thug's men in black moved box after box into the U-Haul. My mother was sitting in Big Blue with that Lester person, laughing so hard at something he said that her teeth kept popping out. The thug's cousin kept catching them and continuing his story, occasionally batting a wandering hand away. The one called Tank had Frank's beloved recliner in his hands, lifting it as if he were made of feathers outside. Looking, I saw my now ex-husband standing in the middle of the Den, looking around as if he were memorizing the place.

He had been silent the whole time, shattering our married lives as easily as he opened a beer. Or as easily as I poured yet another glass of my medicine. There was no use in hiding it, anymore. Why should I? It's not like I have a reputation to hold up, anymore. No, not me. In less than 48 hours, I have gone from a community pillar to a laughingstock. People showed up at the VFW hall to retrieve their gifts, take home bags of food and the flowers, and not one person offered any comfort. They all just looked at me like I was nothing, like I was useless. **Failure**, their gazes said. Failure as a mother, failure as a wife, failure as a self respecting Burg woman…

"That's the last box, Mr. Plum."

'Thank you, Tank. I'll be out in a moment."

Frank stepped into the dining room and stood next to me, looking at where my Ming vase once stood. Shattered just like the porcelain was my life. I'd have to stay inside this house forever, only venturing out when absolutely necessary. I no longer had any friends. All were ashamed to be associated with me and had no qualms about dissecting my actions over a slice of lemon pound cake…

"Helen…"

"What could you possibly want to say to me, Frank? Haven't you done enough to me? Haven't you _**all**_ done enough to me?"

"We both know whose fault all of this is, Helen! Don't you dare try to stand here and paint me as the villain! Or Stephanie! She's done nothing wrong and all you've done is tear apart her every action, her every dream, trying to force her to be what you wanted her to be! Well, look around! Look what it's all gotten you, Helen! Your pride has cost you your daughters, your mother, your grandchildren, and...and now me! I hope you're happy! You can finally have that respectable life you've always wanted..." he replied in a cracking voice.

I heard him sniffle and wipe away a couple of tears but I can't bring myself to feel any empathy. He thinks he's in pain? What about me? What about 29 years of marriage he's throwing away? What about the way he's allowed our daughters to run amok and ruin everything I've worked for? Everything I've believed in? No, I won't spare him a bit of empathy. He can get it from some other unsuspecting woman, some other sap...

He slipped off his wedding band and put it over the stopper to the bottle of Old Turkey, the dull gold glowing in the winter sunlight. Then, he turned me around and placed a trembling kiss on my lips, cupping my face. He looked at me for a long minute, the sky blue eyes that I remembered falling for filled with not hate but pitying sadness.

The hate would be better. I don't need his pity. I don't need anyone's pity…

"Goodbye, Helen." he rasped before walking away and out the door, closing it gently behind him.

I moved to the front curtains and watched as the truck, the black SUV, and finally Big Blue rolled down the street, leaving me behind to an empty, lifeless home.

My humiliation is now complete.


	34. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: Well, I just got finished shoveling the snow and I don't feel like I'm gonna die. I guess cutting down on the sugar helps with fitness, after all. My gum infection is gone and my family's leaving me alone for the most part. This goes back into the Aftermath and the Babe goodness will return next update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Morelli's POV**

"Hey, Detective. You've got a visitor." the guard sneered as he came to my thankfully cellmate free Cell.

Apparently, the fucking Burg grapevine extended all the way to the prison (yes, prison) because when I first got here, the cages went wild. I didn't know how many people my work had helped put away until then. I'd feel proud but the way they were looking at me, I was way more concerned with keeping my ass intact. Now I finally understand why Cupcake shied away from letting anyone's dick up her ass. Jesus...

"Who is it?"

"Fuck if I know. I'm just supposed to bring you down there. Hands out.", the bastard replied impatiently.

Of course the guard assigned to me grew up in the Burg and hates my guts. All right, so I got caught in a threesome with his little sisters back in the day. How the hell was I supposed to know that they were only 15? Plus, it's not like they were virgins, anyway! They both wanted a piece of me and I gave it to them good. They didn't even press charges so they must've liked it…

Sticking my hands through the hatch, the guard cuffed me and then opened the thick yellow door. The yellow matched the jumpsuit I was in, the color for those in "protective custody" and the shitty black shoes they gave me barely kept me upright, especially as my feet were chained up. As we walked to the visitor's area, I caught a glimpse of myself in the window. The prison barber had buzz cut my hair and given me a white winter's hat to stave off the chill. Since I was in isolation, I wasn't allowed anything sharp, including a razor so I was starting to look less like an Italian Stallion and more like a fucking lumberjack. I've already lost about 10 pounds from the shitty food and since the lights are always on, sleep is basically a thing of the past. The dark circles under my eyes looked like I've been slugged and sometimes, I wish I had.

Okay, being in General Pop guarantees that I'll get ripped apart. No one likes a Cop, especially those deemed "dirty". But, being locked up for 23 hours a day, 7 days a week was playing hell on my brain. My cell only has a small window and is covered by mesh bars, giving little to no sunlight and no view at all. Of course, there wasn't much to look at anyway. Walls, barbed wire, snow covered concrete, and of course, guard towers with trigger happy Uzi holding fuckers eager to blow someone's brains out…

My point is being locked up with just my thoughts is a recipe for me going apeshit by the end of the month.

The door was opened and I saw Joyce sitting on the other side of the glass with Klougn. What the hell was she doing here with Cupcake's brother in law? Was she here to get me out until my trial? I couldn't really tell by the hard look in her eyes. She always had that damn look, like she was looking to destroy someone. She did look good, though. Her winter's coat was open, showing a dark blue maternity tunic and her bountiful cleavage…

The guard shoved me into a seat and grunted, "Your 10 minutes start as soon as you pick up the phone."

I picked it up and she did the same, her face blanker than stone.

"Hey, baby. What are you doing here?", I asked with a broad smile, the smile that got the ladies saying yes before they even thought about…

"_Don't you 'Hey, Baby' me, shithead. I'm not here to hear you talk out of your ass or get you out. I'm here to inform you that I'm getting your parental rights revoked. My babies deserve better than a two-bit, washed up, woman hating prick as a father and I'm gonna find them one_." she replied with an icy, determined tone.

"And just where are you gonna find this better man around here?" I sneered, bristling at her tone. First, Cupcake, then my mother and Nona, and now this bitch. Someone ought to teach the lot of them some fucking respect before their mouths get them killed…

"_Nowhere, fucktard. Not with my reputation. That's why I'm moving as far away from here as I can without leaving the country. However, before I leave, I don't want any ties to New Jersey and that includes you, jailbird. Mr. Kloughn's agreed to represent me if you wanna fight it but since you never wanted them in the first place, that shit would sink faster than the __**Titanic**_."

"Them?"

"_Yeah, __**them**__. I'm having twins. A boy and a girl. You'd know if you bothered to give a fuck about anyone but yourself. How's it feel, Morelli? You've got no job, no money. Your family hates you. The Burg hates you. Plum-Manoso's living it up with your worst enemy and you're gonna rot in here for at least the next decade, your precious Boys untaken of. Speaking of 'em, have you dropped the soap yet, Joey? I remember you liking it when I touched you up there…_"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sonogram picture she had slammed onto the window. Shit. Plain as day, there they were. 'Baby Barndhart 1 and 2', just sitting there inside of her. Now, Cupcake had deserved every bit of hell I had rained on her. So did Terri and Joyce and all the other bitches I had managed to get on their backs.

But, did they? They hadn't done anything but get made. They were innocent and pure and…fuck…

"How long is it gonna take to get the papers drawn up and do I have to sign anything?"

"_The papers are already done and if it's allowed, I'd like your signature today on the last page_." Klougn piped up sturdily, pulling a bundle out of his briefcase.

"Yeah…yeah, fine."

The guard's face was a little softer as he put the papers in front of me and I managed to get my signature on the line after a minute or two.

"Two minute warning, Detective."

"Look…I know that you've got every fuckin' reason to hate me but when they ask about me…" I finally blurted.

"_I'll find a way to not make you sound like a complete asshole but I won't lie to them and if you're still sitting up in here, I'll let 'em see you if they ask.__** If**__ they ask. They probably won't. Anything else?_"

"Can…can I keep the sonogram?"

"_You actually want it?_"

"Y-yeah. Please?"

Her face softened and while she didn't say yes, she passed the picture to the guard as she passed him. It was a small victory, something good in the steaming pile of shit I helped make. Yeah, Cupcake's living it up with Manoso and yeah, I'm in jail and hated but at least…

At least I managed to do two things right.


	35. Chapter 34

**Author's Note: Good evening. All right, y'all. I'm shooting to finish this bad boy before the movie comes out so I can start a new story in the Aftermath of my seeing it. If I can get a ride, I'll go on the opening weekend. Since it's based on the first book, I know I'll have to suffer through an abundance of Morelli (by the way, I'm glad you guys liked how I dealt with him in jail. The only references I had were documentaries on Nat Geo and Beyond Scared Straight) so I'll probably get bit by the Babe bug all over again. A surefire way to get me writing is to piss me off by flaunting a blatantly incorrect ship in my face.**

**Oh, I got the whole Steph doing gymnastics thing from fairytaleprincess03's _Rediscovery_ and adored the idea, as well as the rest of the story. You should go read it if you haven't or re-read if you have.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

I entered the basement gym and saw Stephanie (my wife!) idly doing a handstand on the mats. She was in black shorts and one of her many RangeMan tank tops. I was surprised to see that it was in rainbow tye-dye but then I remembered her teaching the guys how to do it during her first week with us. Her body had been adjusting to the PT and she ended up getting insomnia to cope with the soreness. She had wandered around the building before ending up in the laundry room with Ella. She had been dyeing undershirts for the uniforms (it was cheaper than finding black shirts in bulk) and my Babe went into action.

When I finished my morning workout the next day, she had been hanging the finished products in the back shower with the Core Team. When I had asked for an explanation, she had given me a soft smile and passed me the one she had made for me. It was black and silver with the batman logo in the center. A thank you gift, she said. For giving her a job and letting her stay with us. For believing in her when no one else bothered to…

I'll have to ask Ella where it is when we get home. It would be a nice way to make Steph happy and mind fuck the guys as I wore it in the field one day.

Carefully I crossed to the mats and sat Indian style, meeting her focused gaze.

"Morning, Babe."

She didn't reply verbally but she blew me a kiss, slowly beginning to walk on her hands. I thought about asking why but I know she'll tell me when she's ready. Plus, the view of her tight little body (especially her newly pierced navel) was a wonderful way to start the morning, better than running on a treadmill, anyway.

Yeah, she's finally corrupted me. I don't feel any shame about the fact, either…

"What do you want to do today?"

"Other than you?" I leered, making her giggle.

"Other than me, Soldier Boy. We're on our honeymoon. Doing me is guaranteed. Hell, doing me is _**always**_ guaranteed. I was talking about between the doings of me.", she replied halfway around the perimeter of the room.

"You mentioned that you've always wanted to learn how to surf. I have a couple of boards in the garage if you're interested in learning now."

"Awesome!" she enthused as she righted herself. "You think we could go into town afterwards? I've always wanted to try authentic jerk chicken."

"Sounds like a plan. A friend of mine owns a restaurant downtown. Babe, why were you just walking on your hands?"

"To see if I still could. I used to be in gymnastics classes when I was a kid but my mom made me quit after the whole Tasty Pastry thing. I picked it back up in St. Louis for a gym credit but then…well, shit happened."

"I wish I could kill the people who caused it.", I admitted honestly. "You didn't deserve all that. No one does."

"Killing them wouldn't undo it all and besides, everyone that caused the shit is either a social pariah or reformed. Meanwhile, I've managed to make something of myself and get the hottest man this side of the Mississippi in the process of fucking their shit up. So I win." she pointed out cheerfully before planting a huge kiss on me.

So do I, Babe. So do I.

_**/**_

**Frank's POV**

"You're sure you're fine with your grandma staying with you, Princess?"

"Daddy, it's fine. The girls love having her with us and so does Albert… although I think he's more than a little scared of her.", Val assured for the umpteenth time as she devoured her slice of Shorty's pizza.

"Every man in their right mind is. What about you? You're not overwhelmed, are you because she can definitely stay with me if..."

She stuffed a piece of garlic bread in my mouth and I couldn't help but chuckle around it. I know I sounded worse than a mother on the first day of Pre-K but I'm determined to make sure what's left of my family is happy. For years, I watched as Helen and the Burg beat my girls down and although they haven't said anything, I hold myself responsible for not speaking up. See, after getting out of my contracts, I wanted a peaceful life and on the surface, I had it. Well, besides Edna's occasional casket opening…crazy old bat…

But, the problems had been there. Year after year, they deepened and after Orr, I resolved to try and do better by my girls. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to give Helen the benefit of the doubt. She had always taken the lead in raising our girls. On paper, she ought to have known best and wanted the best for them.

The Return of Joseph motherfucking Morelli had been the last damned straw. Any blinders I had left were shredded as I heard her leave that awful Voicemail to Pumpkin and I swore on my father's grave that once she came back to the Burg, I wasn't going to let anything stop me from "getting my balls back". That Morelli trash wasn't going to hurt her or anyone else with my DNA anymore, goddamn it.

Shooting that ugly ass vase to smithereens and nearly taking the prick that caused my little girl so much pain out had been better than sex…not that I remembered what sex felt like. Helen and I hadn't been intimate in damn near 3 years and when we had…it had been like using one of those crazy blowup dolls Pleasure Treasures always sold. No fire, no passion, just her laying there staring up at the ceiling and thinking of England…or The Burg…

"Daddy, stop fussing. We're fine. I'd tell you if we weren't. Now, how's the new place?"

Actually, it was Stephanie's old place. Her super had let me move in immediately and with RangeMan's help, I had fixed it from the ground up. The windows had been replaced with bulletproof glass (in case any crazies hadn't gotten the memo about her and Carlos), the door was solid enough to withstand a bomb blast (again for the crazies) with locks that would take a trained man about 10 minutes to crack. Her super had helped me put in new appliances and carpeting. I had completely redone the thankfully traffic free bathroom from 1970s chic to the 20th century. The neighbors have taken to me well but expressed that they'd miss Steph's excitement and living as a bachelor again isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

I'm damned lonely, though. I mentioned all of it to Val and a sly smile lit up her face as she reached in her purse.

"Funny you should say that. Our new next door neighbor just moved up here from New Orleans. Her name's Jacqueline DuBois. She's been divorced from a rat bastard for 5 years, she's a year and 3 days younger than you, a trained chef and yoga instructor, French Creole and she was in Vietnam as a nurse. I took the liberty of getting a few pictures and her number for you."

"Christ, Carlos should hire you for Range…"

Wow. The top picture was of this Jacqueline woman sitting on a kitchen counter and smiling brilliantly. Her skin was a light, creamy looking butter pecan and her fingers long and elegant like a pianist's…healer hands. She was about 5'9 and slender but I could tell that she had some damn fine curves on her, not to mention her legs. Long wavy silvery black hair hung in soft green eyes and I already wanted to run my hands through it. She had on a modest royal purple sundress with matching flats and I was pleasantly surprised to see her tags still hanging around her neck. Maybe I had been posted near her or sent to her field hospital. I doubt it, though. I would've _**certainly**_ remembered her…

"I already told her about you and she's expecting your call. Her favorite flowers are pink carnations."

I nodded in acknowledgement and pocketed the pictures and the post it note with her number on it as I headed for Big Blue. God, even her handwriting was gorgeous…

I don't know where the hell I'm going to find pink carnations around here but I do know one thing.

I'm not calling her.

I'm going to show up in person.


	36. Chapter 35

**Author's Note: Good afternoon, y'all. I'm always glad when an OC is accepted so readily. I'm glad you like Frank's potential beau and since you all did, the chapter will be their first meeting and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Jacqueline's POV**

One thing that I'm never going to understand is how snow can be so beautiful but cause so much misery at the same time. My boys offered to drive down and dig me out but I told them to stay put. Even though Trenton isn't nearly as far from NYC as New Orleans, I don't want them wasting their gas money on something I can do on my own. I'm old, not helpless and hell, I'm not that old. I can still pull off a packed shift on the Line without keeling over and can put my legs behind my head with no trouble.

Hopefully, I'll be able to move my legs that way not on a yoga mat but in a bed.

Oh, God…see what happens when I act neighborly? I end up thinking like a horny schoolgirl and lord knows, thinking like that's led to nothing but trouble for me. Point Blank: The only good things that came out of my marriage are Jamal Michael, Jonathon Xavier, and 75% of my scoundrel ex's estate. The Pre-Nup just said Proven Infidelity and while I may have spent the second decade of our 28 year marriage regretting my impulsive decision to marry him, I never cheated on him once, much to my benefit. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a gold digger but I _**am**_ a vengeful person. You hurt me and I will find the best, most brutal way to hurt you back with a smile. The best way to hurt Carl was to cripple him financially because he sure as hell didn't love me anymore, the damned dirty bastard…

The point is that I'm getting ready to dig through 7 inches of snow and ice while also waiting for a phone call from a man who on paper is absolutely perfect for me. I still don't know why I told Valerie the whole sordid story so quickly. The young woman just had a way about her that made you want to talk so when she came over with an absolutely divine lemon pound cake to welcome me to the neighborhood, my shields dropped like a Mardi Gras girl's tube top.

She told me about one Frank Plum, her Vietnam vet father and recent divorcee. She also told me about her little sister (who I need to meet as soon as possible…Anyone that takes Bombshell literally _**has**_ to be a hoot to hang around with), her recent marriage to a Cuban God, and the way Frank's ex-wife's machinations got the jackass ex in the story sent up the River for at least 15 to Life. Then, she went into detail about her 3 babies, her bumbling but sweet second husband, and her wild grandmother. She spoke of all of them fondly but I couldn't help but feel that the Plum family was a little too roughneck for my tastes and I intended on letting her down gently.

That was before I saw the picture of her father. Immediately, my mind went back to Vietnam and the gorgeous Special Ops soldier boy that had literally staggered into my camp one balmy day. I remembered those big baby blues looking at me through six layers of grime and the way he had murmured so sweetly that I was too fucking gorgeous to be stuck in the hellhole before passing out on my lap. He had been rushed into emergency surgery and left the camp sedated before I could really talk to him. He probably didn't even remember me.

I never forgot about him, though and I immediately gave Valerie a recent picture and my number to give to him. Roughneck family or not, it was no coincidence that Sweet Blue Eyes was back on the fringes of my life and I'm bound and determined to get to know him this time.

And if I happen to be able to move my legs with him, then so much the better.

Opening the door to start my task, I found myself looking at a large bouquet of pink carnations and those big baby blues. My, my…age has certainly been kind to him. Sure, he had bit of middle age spread but I'm sure he's just as solid as he was back in the day.

"Ms. Jacqueline DuBois?"

"Yes, that's me."

"Ma'am, my name is Frank Plum and my daughter Valerie mentioned that you were interested in talking to me."

'That's true. Are these for me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Still fine as wine and polite, to boot. I haven't been respectfully called ma'am since before I was shipped home. Taking the fragrant bundle, I inhaled deeply and smiled, a smile that he answered easily, sending my heart all a-twitter.

Oh yes, sweetheart. You'll do quite nicely.

"Call me Jackie. Come on in out of the cold."


	37. Chapter 36

**Author's Note: Hi. Updating daily is easier than I thought it would be. My writer's block is trying to return but I'm pushing through. My parents' car is fixed and although I ended up surrendering most of my check to help pay for the numerous repairs, I'll be able to keep the upcoming one fully. So, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to see the movie this weekend after all as long as I don't get sick again…or snap and murder my siblings. They're in the lazy, bratty stage and I'm slowly but surely coming to my Wit's End. Hopefully getting out of the house this weekend will help me gain some traction again…**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Helen's POV**

"_Helen, dear…I'm sorry that we haven't been able to get together since the Wedding but things have been absolutely hectic. Rufus and I are planning on going on a cruise for our anniversary and I'm sure you remember how much of a strain that can be. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I saw Francis with another woman in the market. After they shopped, he invited her to dinner tonight at Rossini's. It seemed to be quite the tete a tete and I wanted you to hear it from a friend instead of someone else…_"

Margie Jankowski was anything but my friend but her Voicemail had motivated me to get out of the house, shame be damned. It had only been 5 weeks since he turned his back on me. Frank couldn't have possibly found a quality woman, already! He had been with me: the immaculate housekeeper, the gourmet chef, the mother of his now demented children! He was probably with some Stark Street creature who had found a decent dress in the dumpster. I simply had to see who he thought could take my place so quickly…

"Table for one, please. I'll choose where."

"Right away, ma'am."

I had found a yellow floral dress in the back of my closet, as well as the fur coat I had inherited from my great grandmother. I had put it away for safekeeping when those paint throwing radicals had been gallivanting around but tonight was the night to bring it back out. Sensible beige flats and my old diamonds pulled my ensemble together, as well as the lovely permanent I had gotten at the Clip n Curl. I could see people whispering under the dryers but I ignored them. I am Helen Mazur, a still shining example of a quality Burg woman, despite the callous actions of my former family. I am above any petty nonsense that they could…

I had a clear view of him and the hussy from my table. She was skinny as a rail and her wild graying black hair was barely contained in its twist. She had on a purple v-neck sweater, a slate gray skirt, and black leather boots that left far too much leg exposed, even in the white tights. A thin rainbow colored scarf was wrapped around her neck, the ends hanging behind her and she only had plain gold studs in her ears for jewelry. Instead of a glass of wine, she held a tumbler of whiskey and she was looking at Frank fixedly, like he was the most interesting person on Earth. What could possibly be so interesting about him? Honestly, I spent the majority of our marriage bored by him. Fortunately, the music was low enough for me to easily eavesdrop on their soft conversation.

"…_we've actually met before, Francis. My posting was a field hospital right near the border. One day, I think it was July 30__th__, I was hanging sheets up to dry when I heard a rustle in the grasses, along with a very nasty cough. Now, I don't know about my fellow nurses but when I was over there, I didn't care if you were Victor Charlie or Joe Schmo, I was going to treat you. Before I could investigate, this man stumbled out of the grass, walking wounded. His fatigues were ripped and he had lost his shirt, making it easy to see his tags and all the mud he had managed to fall in, as well as a hastily bandaged gunshot wound on his side. The only other thing that was recognizable was his eyes. They were a bright, sweet baby blue and I couldn't look away from them. Of course, the soldier didn't give me much choice in the matter because he collapsed face first into my lap and murmured…"_

"…_you're too fucking gorgeous to be in this hellhole, Angel. Get out as quick as you can. Mother of God, I remember now. I had just gone deep behind enemy lines and had been shot, cut, beaten, and thrown in a ditch for dead. I had managed to set my leg and climb out, heading south towards the border. I swear to God, I thought you were an angel guiding me through the gates. I could only see your eyes and your hair going all over the place. Everything else around me was white._" Frank finished with an amazed smile.

"_That's because you were hallucinating, sugar. You had a fever of 104._" She deadpanned, setting them off into laughter.

Sugar? What kind of woman called their man that? She must be from somewhere in the South. Her voice certainly sounded gravelly enough and she had actually enlisted in the Army back then? War was men's business. Sure, we could send care packages or even help in a factory someplace but the front lines were for men. And she was actually old enough to be over there? She must have gotten some work done like that Barndhart woman. No one aged that gracefully without a little help…

"_Well, I'm gonna stick with the whole angel idea. You certainly fit the bill."_

"_You certainly are a charmer, Mr. Plum. How any woman in her right mind could let you get away is beyond me._"

"_Her loss is your gain. At least I hope so…"_

"_Oh, believe me, it is. My ex notwithstanding, I know how to find and keep a good man when he comes around. You're pretty much stuck with me, Sweet Blue Eyes. Get used to it."_

"_I intend to."_

My heart leapt into my throat as Frank shifted in the booth and pulled her into a kiss. It wasn't completely lewd but obviously there was some heat between them, heat that was well beyond any practical use at their ages. Distantly, I could remember Frank kissing me like that and I couldn't help but feel a little pain now. While I had to languish in social exile, he was moving on and moving forward with little to no hesitation. The huss…_**his date**_ pulled away first but let her fingers slip into his unruly hair, tenderly detangling it.

"_You kiss as good as you look._"

"_I'm a little out of practice._"

"_Kissing's like making a good soufflé. Once you manage to do it once, it's hard to forget how and what you do forget, you can learn again with a little practice. You can practice on me anytime."_

I'd seen and heard enough. Putting my coat back on, I made to head for the door and ended up clipping a passing waiter. His tray hit the floor with a bang (thankfully nothing splattered on me) and all eyes went to me immediately, including Frank's. A flash of pain went through them but it faded to indifference. His date looked at me too and her verdant gaze hardened as she connected the dots. With grace but obvious possession, she put a hand on his trembling right forearm, rubbing gentle circles with her thumb until he met her gaze.

"_Come on. We'll have dessert at my place._"

Frank nodded and helped her into her bright red coat and black babushka. She straightened his coat collar and with a last chaste kiss, they left hand in hand. After watching Big Blue drive away, I decided to sit back down.

Humiliation and heartbreak is not a good reason to miss a hot Italian meal.


	38. Chapter 37

**Author's Note: This story should be finished within four chapters. There's a couple more after this and then the into the future Epilogue. I've had a hell of a lot of fun with this story. I expanded my repertoire and met some wonderful people along the way. My next scribble on the Babe wall is already in the embryonic stages and provided that my internet and sanity remains intact, it should be up by the end of next week. Or maybe even the beginning of next week. I don't know yet.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

Val kept shooting me incredulous looks as I expertly sliced and diced an onion for homemade salsa and I couldn't help but grin. Thanks to Caroline and Ella (not to mention a very sexy, shirtless Carlos), I could finally make edible food that wasn't prepackaged. My specialties were more geared toward Latin American dishes but I could make a mean ziti, now. And I had even learned how to make my beloved pineapple upside down cake!

My smile broadened as I remembered eating my sacred pastry from my very willing husband's eight pack. Mmm…naked Carlos…

"Jeez, Steph! He's not even here to drool over!" Val giggled as she pressed corn tortillas at the end of her kitchen island.

"I know that but I was thinking of the time he let me use him as a plate for pineapple upside down cake and you know how weak the filter between my brain and mouth is…" I trailed off as we both cracked up. I'm glad we can do that, now. It's yet another benefit of my decision to finally grow up…

"I love my Albert to death but I tell you, you are one lucky, lucky bitch. Do you want me to start moving things to the dining room?"

"Yes, please. The guacamole goes in the chip platter and the empanadas next to the taco fixings."

A tug at my skirt made me look down to see a shyly smiling Lisa. She was in a kid sized RangeMan t-shirt and Iron Man pajama pants. Wiping my hands clean, I picked her up and put her on my right hip as I stirred the onions into the tomatoes, peaches and cilantro. Reaching over the radio, I turned up the music and unconsciously began to move to the mambo beat, much to Lisa's giggling delight. Her giggles increased as 'Uncle 'Anger' took off his work face and gave me a smacking smooch hello.

"Ewww…Auntie, don't you know that boys gots cooties?" she scolded as she got back on the floor, her hands on her little hips.

"Only the bad boys, _**dulce**_." Carlos corrected. "Where are your sisters?"

"M.A.'s drawin' in her horsie books and Angie's foldin' clothes with Daddy. I wanted to watch mommy and Auntie cook but they're already done." she groused with a sigh.

"How about you look out for Big Blue? Grandpa's coming over soon."

"I hope Ms. Jackie's with him! I like her! She's got pretty skin and she makes Grandpa smile a lot!" Lisa enthused while running down the hall to the foyer window.

I like daddy's girlfriend, too. She's just as domestic as Helen was but she still has an identity separate from all that. We bonded over our love of sweets and of yoga. We now have a standing appointment every Saturday morning. She's smart, sassy, and the story of how she and dad met overseas makes me go "Aww…" every time. It was kind of like _**The Notebook**_, only with a happy ending. Even though, I gotta admit that it's kinda weird to watch my dad be demonstrative with a woman. I don't remember him and Helen doing that past my pre-teen years. But, he's genuinely happy and thriving away from Helen so I can't really complain…

"I smell smoke, Babe."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about how different Jackie is from Helen and how my dad's changed. It's kinda an 'I didn't know you drank until I saw you sober' thing. He's smiling and laughing and he's even started to do a little yoga. He says it makes him feel like a pansy sometimes but it's great for his back. Anyway, I hope you're hungry. Val and I made a Latin American feast."

"Actually, it was mostly Steph. She can cook without causing Chernobyl now." Val greeted with a finger wave.

"I never caused Chernobyl! Maybe food poisoning but not Chernobyl! Besides, he's been helping me with my cooking too."

"With or without clothes?" Val leered while darting out of the room.

Ugh…I suppose this is one the drawbacks of having a healthy relationship with my sister, now. She can poke fun of me with little hesitation. But, it's in a good way, not harping. Still annoying as fuck, though…stupid older sister…

"Try having four older sisters, Babe. At least you don't get double-teamed."

"Leave it to you to inject rationality into my inner monologue. Well, since you're standing here looking pretty, you can help me clean up with those muscles of yours." I sniffed with a toss of my hair as I made to move away from him. His arm snaked around my waist and he guided us back into the pantry.

His hand slid down to my ass and squeezed fondly, making me blush like a tomato. I don't think I'll ever get used to his touch and being able to touch him whenever I want. Before I took my head out of my ass, our "courtship" was covert. Hot kisses in the alley, eye sex in the RangeMan bullpen, an "accidental" grope as he put a Distraction wire on me…

He hasn't gotten used to it either so he occasionally drags me off to a secluded place to…

His lips were hot and demanding, his tongue plunging into my mouth aggressively. During our honeymoon, I had finally broken through the last of my Burg inhibitions and started matching him immediately. Before I had to be coaxed into letting loose but now, I was zero to sex goddess in five seconds. Even in a frilly apron, I was giving as good as I got, biting at his lower lip, digging my nails into his shoulders…

"Stephanie, Carlos, we're ready to start…oh…oh, my…"

"We'll be there in a minute, Klougn." Carlos said in his flat, no nonsense tone reserved for skips.

"O-okay. Um, while you're in here, be sure to grab some more napkins." he replied before bidding a hasty retreat.

"I'm impressed. He only stuttered once." I remarked, making him laugh and release me.

"Must be something in the water."


	39. Chapter 38

**Author's Note: Hi, everyone. I'm not feeling too hot (I think I actually managed to jinx myself) but I don't want to languish in misery right now. I want to keep striving to finish this story. There's another chapter after this one and then the epilogue. I'm pleased as punch to see the review counter go over 400 (an FFN first for me) so I'd like to thank you all for them. Although I write mainly to keep what little sanity I have, it's always nice to know that others enjoy my scribbles on the wall. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Ranger's POV**

I pulled up to a scene of utter chaos and I was deeply amused to see my wife filing her nails against a locked and intact company SUV. What used to be a canary yellow corvette burned cheerfully next to it, much to the sobbing horror of one of the skips in the truck. He was cussing up a storm and seemed to be trying to head butt his partner. The cops had the street blocked off but the usual buzzing crowd was out, some even holding video cameras…

"Hi, Babe."

"Hi, Carlos. This time, I am proud to say that it_** is**_ my fault! One of the little bastards tried to throw a Molotov at me but I caught it and flung it back into their poser mobile! I knew that my softball skills would come in handy one of these days!" she cheered before doing a spastic version of the running man in the street.

"Babe.", I chuckled as she transitioned to the cabbage patch.

"Don't judge me. I got two skips for the price of one, I'm not covered in food, garbage, or bodily fluids and the car that's blown up is not mine or yours. Today is a good day…even though it's cold as balls."

I had to agree with her. January in Trenton was gray and the temperature rarely rose above freezing until late March. The smog was thicker and the skips numerous because no one wanted to crawl out of their warm beds to go look at a judge. Understandable, really. Still, a skip was a skip and they needed to be caught by the best. The crazy woman in the bright red coat, rainbow scarf and big fluffy black hat was one of the best and I'm still thanking God that she's mine both professionally and personally…

"You're wearing the tye-dye I made you?" she asked as my zip up hoodie blew open.

"Yes. It's still my usual black. Just a bit more cheerful is all. Plus, I knew wearing it would make you happy."

"It does but aren't you cold?"

"Not really. You're welcome to warm me up, though."

Her hands slid under my jacket and pulled me into a hug, her head finding its rightful place on my chest. The car fire had been put out and I could already see Tank talking with a cluster of cops. Apparently, they all still remembered Stephanie's threat from the summer because there were no exchanges of money going on. Smart men. My Babe isn't one to be trifled with. She wasn't before but now that she's trained and that Morelli's been dealt with, she's gotten even tougher. She's determined not to be a victim and since I can't stand it when she's in pain, I'm happy to help her, as well as my _**hermanos**_.

"How is it that you're always so warm? Are you part furnace?" she murmured curiously.

"I'm not sure but I've always been like this. The girls used to call me the Human Torch."

"You're certainly hot enough for the title."

"Babe."

"Out loud, again?"

"Yes."

"Shit. Doesn't make it any less true, though. Come on. Let's take them in and go home. I want you and some of Ella's hot chocolate."

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"I can't wait to move to Miami. I never want to see snow again. Well, feel it anyway. It's pretty to look at, though."

Carlos came up behind me and kissed my shoulder. I was in one of his old army undershirts, the beige color faded from many washes. It was softer than silk and infused with Bulgari musky Ranger scent, making it my go-to comfort shirt. I had stolen it a couple of years ago before he went in the Wind and it (and avoiding Morelli like the plague) had kept me sane for those long months. He coming home on my birthday had been the best present ever, that and the teasing birthday kisses he had given me in the Alley. 33 and one long wet one to grow on…mmm, my showerhead had damn near fallen to pieces that night…

"We just need to make it to April, Babe."

I knew that. Lester and all the A-Team insisted on relocating with us with their families/ significant others. Lula was already buying pastel spandex and floral blouses to go with the new climate and was planning on growing her hair long to get it micro braided. After weeks of intense negotiation, Connie's dad finally let her walk away from the Bonds Office and she had hotfooted it to Miami that day, Mooner with her. Apparently, there was a lot more to the former stoner that met the eye because the tough mob princess was absolutely besotted. It was weird but sweet at the same time.

What was taking so long was the logistics of moving the main branch down there. I had come in to help with the load one day and somehow ended up the main business woman. I had even managed to rope in two major clients for the Boston branch, one of them the old supplier for E.E. Martin. Needless to say, Carlos had been very pleased with me and proved it…on his desk. God, I hope he wasn't leaving it up here…

"Absolutely not. I don't want Silvio or anyone else touching where I've had you."

"Then I guess we'll have to go on a jaunt to the Pottery Barn for this place…and get new floors."

He chuckled and pulled me down into our bed, my body against his bare everything. I thank God everyday for the top of the line heating system the building has or Carlos would be laid up with pneumonia by now. He finally told me that his aversion to clothing came from a need not to be confined, something I thoroughly understood. I pulled my shirt off and he tenderly put me on my back. Even though we've done it in all sorts of ways and positions, I like being underneath him best. He makes me feel safe and warm and I have full access to his back. He loves it when I scratch his back…

"_**Mmm**_..." I purred as he slid into me smoothly, rocking in and out deliciously. My fingers stole to his ever growing hair and I could see a few silver strands mixing into the deep chocolate. I wasn't really surprised. Not only was he running a company, he was married to me and while I've grown up, I haven't calmed down and I shan't anytime soon…

"You don't have to calm down. I like your crazy, Babe." he rasped between nuzzles of my shoulder, reading my mind as always.

"Even if it means you're grey before you're 40?"

"Will you still find me attractive?"

"Carlos, I could be blind, on a ventilator and pissing through a tube and I'd still find you attractive."

"Then I'm not concerned about it. What I am concerned about is _**this**_…"

The noise that was wrenched out of me sounded remarkably similar to a howling coyote.


	40. Chapter 39

**Author's Note: Hey. I think it's fitting that the last real chapter of the story is going to be posted on _Unstoppable_'s one year anniversary. It would've been better if I managed to finish the story today but I'll take it. So, I saw the movie and it honestly didn't suck. I'm glad it didn't because I'd be one mad dog because although the ticket only cost me five bucks, the concessions were damned near 20. It's almost enough to make me never eat again. Almost…LOL!**

**The crowd was mostly of middle aged people but I had a lot of fun with them. I swear when I muttered that she's better off with Ranger, someone replied "Damn right." It definitely made my night. So, as for the chapter, I'm skipping to moving day and I hope you all enjoy it. The epilogue will be up tomorrow and hopefully, my new story will be up by the end of the week.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Stephanie's POV**

I haven't been to my mother's house since the Dinner. I haven't seen her since Carlos and I came to the Wedding that Wasn't. No one has really. Ever since she saw Dad and Jackie at Rossini's, she kept to the house. She paid neighborhood boys to shovel snow and cut the grass when the snow finally melted. She had her groceries delivered and the lace curtains have been replaced by solid white ones that always stayed closed. The only way that people even knew that she was still moving around was the occasional roar of the vacuum or strains of _**The Bold and the Beautiful**_ from the Den window. As sad as the situation is, I can't bring myself to feel much empathy for her. She had done this to herself.

Yet, here I was, saying goodbye in person. She could've easily heard it on the Burg Grapevine but I decided that she deserved better. And that I was going alone. Everyone thought I was out of my ever loving mind and didn't hesitate to tell me so. But when I silently extended my hand for the Turbo keys, Carlos had handed them over instantly, only urging me to be back before our departure time of 5PM.

I stepped out of the Turbo in a plum purple sundress with a hip length wine colored cardigan over it. My shin high black Doc Martens were laced up tightly and I could feel the comforting weight of my straight razor blade in my ankle holster. My hair was loose and now down to the bottoms of my breasts, a tiny white flower standing out from the curls. I didn't put a stitch of makeup on and the only jewelry I had on were my wedding bands. The neighbors were already watching, one woman in her garden seeming to be spot frozen as I got on the porch.

The front door opened easily and I looked around the house, half expecting it to look like a scene out of _**Hoarders**_. If anything, it was even cleaner than I remembered. The photos on the mantle were gone and the stand that held her Ming vase now supported an empty Old Turkey bottle, Dad's ring over the stopper. Any photos of the family were gone, replaced by generic flower pictures and I could hear the hiss-sigh of the iron in the Den. Stopping in the doorway, I took a good look at her.

Her hair had grown longer too and was graying quickly from the roots out. She had dropped some weight but looked like she wasn't sleeping well or at all. A half empty bottle of Jack rested on the table next to the TV Guide and she was standing in front of a duplicate of Daddy's recliner. She had on blue cotton pants, sensible white shoes and a white polka dotted blouse. Her bloodshot eyes looked between the daytime court show and her latest work, some old green sheets.

"Hel…Mom?"

She didn't spare me a glance. I figured she wouldn't.

"I came here to say goodbye. Carlos and I are moving to Miami today."

She turned the sheet over and continued.

"Val isn't coming with us. Neither is dad. He's moved in with Jackie and he plans on staying there as long as she wants him to."

The sheet was folded neatly and put into a nearby basket.

"I also want to tell you that I'm pregnant. I found out at the end of January. I'm due in October. It's a girl. We're going to call her Sonya Rose."

The ironing stopped for a long beat and then continued.

"Well, that's all I wanted. I'll just let myself out. Goodbye, Mom."

As the door shut, I heard a faint, "Goodbye, Stephanie" and a sad smile curved my lips.

There wasn't any yelling but I still felt very close to crying for some reason.

_**/**_

"_Miami, huh? Sounds like your kind of place._"

"It is. I'm looking forward to being with my family down there."

"_Well, say hello to the sun for me._"

I snorted ruefully at Morelli's weak joke and met his tired gaze. He had been requesting a visit from me since his sentencing. Due to a letter from me, he was only sitting on a 10 year sentence with another 10 years of probation. He's eligible for parole in 2019. I put off seeing him for a long time. The hurt was too deep and the rage inside me (and on my behalf) all consuming. But, really what good would being pissed off do? He was locked up in a box 23 hours a day, surrounded by nothing but memories. He had dropped at least 15 pounds and he looked like a weary refugee from Woodstock. His family had disowned him. Joyce was nowhere to be found, his kids coming up on 6 months old without him getting to hold them even once. And the one woman that he thought he loved was happy (ecstatic) with someone else, his worst enemy at that. Factor in the fact that he's a Cop in Jail and his life's as hellish as it can get without him dying first. Staying enraged was nothing but a punishment for me and I wasn't going to fall into that trap. Fuck no.

So, when you look at it from the outside ,giving him 20 minutes of my time is nothing. Plus, I still had the satisfaction of leaving him behind while I lived happy and free. It's Karma at her finest, if you ask me…

"_An 'I'm sorry' isn't gonna come close to making up for all the shit I did and wanted to do to you, is it?_"

"No.", I replied honestly.

"_I figured. I'm gonna say it anyway, though. I'm sorry, Cupc…__**Stephanie. **__For everything, I'm…I'm fucking sorry, okay?"_

"I understand. I don't forgive you but I _**do**_ understand you."

He closed his eyes for a long moment and when they opened again, they swam with unshed tears. Slowly, I reached forward and pressed my hand to the glass like they do in the movies. With a clink of chains and a soft sniffle, he did the same and for the first time in a long time, I didn't see Morelli the Monster or Morelli the Pain in the Ass.

I saw my friend.

"Take care of yourself, Joe."

"_You, too._" he rasped before hanging up the phone.

I did the same and watched as he was docilely led away by the guard, the heavy bars sliding shut behind him.

Now, I can finally say that it's over. It's bittersweet with more emphasis on the sweet…

_**/**_

"_I'm sick of this, Cupcake! You just don't get it, do you? You live in the Burg! You are a Burg woman with Burg woman responsibilities! We're supposed to be married and on our fourth child by now but __**no**__! No, you have to run around with Manoso and his thugs, blowing up cars and dressing up like a two-bit whore and embarrassing me! Do you have any idea how much of an embarrassment it is to have Bombshell Betting Pools and have my fellow officers look at me like I'm less of a man every time you screw up? Well, that's it! Either you grow up and accept your role or we're done! Do you hear me? __**Done! **__See how easy it is to find someone else now that you've been passed around like a joint at a party…"_

"_Stephanie Michelle Plum, how could you do this to me? Joseph just announced that he was leaving you! Why me? Jessie Kanowski's daughter doesn't run off men or blow up cars or hang around with drug dealers…this is the last straw, young lady! I expect to see you at dinner tonight and we will discuss just what to say to get Joseph back…that is, if he __**wants**__ you back after all you've put him through! Ugh, I don't even know why I bother with you! Always running around with your head in the clouds, spitting on the reputation that I've spent years building up! Ungrateful, inconsiderate child…"_

It seems like only yesterday that those Voicemails had started the domino effect that led to my current, mature happiness.

I closed our U-Haul's passenger side door and buckled myself in. Carlos was adjusting the mirrors and I could see the excitement in his body language. He had busted out the tye-dye shirt again (to go with the other guys) and a pair of hunter green cargo shorts to match the detail on his black sandals. I reached over and took the leather tie out of his hair, causing his eyes to flick over to me. Silently, I offered him a cheesy grin and he looked away with a smile playing about his lips.

"You could've just asked."

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, don't you want to feel the warm breeze in your flowing locks?"

"I would if I were on the cover of a romance novel." he deadpanned, setting me off into hysterics.

"The day you get on a romance novel cover is the day I run the New York Marathon naked!"

"_I'd __**love **__to see that, Beautiful…"_ Lester leered from the radio.

"Lester, **_mats_**! I'm not playing! As soon as we get to Miami, I'm putting my foot up your ass!" I volleyed back in my best Jersey girl attitude.

The other guys cheered raucously and Carlos gave me the approving version of his "Only you, Babe" bemused smile as we led the caravan towards the highway. The Merry Men staying behind stood waving on the sidewalk with my family, Lisa up on Ram's shoulders holding a huge glittery sign. "We love you, Auntie and Uncle!" complete with our Logos and a very well drawn glock. M.A. had neighed that she had drawn the gun with such pride that I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed that I had an heir to the Bounty Huntress throne, already. Well, another one. Sonya was probably going to be Super Hunter by age 2, what with who her daddy is…and who her mommy is.

That dark night, I had come to RangeMan crying and broken. I had been at the edge of the abyss and they took me in. They nurtured me, they loved me, and they gave the confidence I had lost long ago back to me. That confidence allowed me to leave Denial Land. That confidence had allowed me to go back to school. That confidence had allowed me to train to be the best fucking Bounty Hunter I could be. That confidence allowed me to consistently stand up for myself and the ones I loved.

That confidence allowed me to get up and get the man I loved the most.

We were coming up on the bridge and I fished a quarter out of my purse and rolled down the window. When we got to the center, I pressed a kiss to the coin and chucked it hard into the River, collapsing back into the seat with a satisfied nod of my head.

"Babe?"

"Yep?"

"Why?"

"For luck."

"You know that superstition belongs to the Hoover Dam, right?"

"I know. I just don't give a fuck." I declared primly, popping a sucker into my mouth.

We sat in silence for almost a minute before the priceless sound of Carlos' laughter filled the cab. I smiled and turned up my iPod, headbanging hard to the dulcet tones of Metallica.

My name is Stephanie Plum-Manoso.

I'm a bounty hunter, a friend, an occasional screw up, a wife, a mother, and a lover.

I'm also genuinely, completely happy with the way that my life has turned out.

I have a good family, good friends, and a fantastic husband.

Was it hard getting here? Yes.

Was it sometimes painful getting here? Yes.

Did I laugh, cry, yell, and go through all the emotional gauntlets? Yes.

Did I triumph and fail, fall and get back up even when I really, really didn't want to?

Yes.

Most important question: Would I do it all again?

Hells, yeah.


	41. Epilouge

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Alas, the end. I have had a damn good time writing this story. What started out last year as a tentative whim has become one of my favorite fandoms to write for.**

**My next JE story is already in my drafting notebook and I'm gonna call it "_Line in the Sand_". It's going to be another AU, grown up Stephanie BABE fic and I already like what I've written. Hopefully, I can have the Prologue to that up by the middle of the week. Like this one, it's going to start in 3rd person and then shift to POVs. So, if you haven't already, please alert me and I look forward to hearing from you. **

**Thank you all for your support and for reviewing, alerting, and just reading this little ditty. As always, any Spanish is courtesy of Google Translate. Enjoy the epilogue. With love, ~*CMW2*~**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

**Sonya's POV (Age 17)**

As I moved through the school library stacks, I was aware of someone two shelves over shadowing me. Even though they managed to duck out of sight when I glanced their way, I could hear their breathing and the scuffle of dress shoes on the linoleum. The only reason that I didn't lash out immediately was that my survivor sense was silent. When someone with malicious intent comes near me, I immediately feel sick to my stomach and my vision sharpens, watching the person (or people) closely for an attack. Since things were normal, I decided to see who this person was and what they wanted. It could just be a lost freshman or the librarian.

Although, knowing my luck, it's probably an idiot boy, dared by all his _**muchachos**_ to try and ask me out. I'm known as "Everest" to the boys in my class: cold, deadly, and a real triumph to climb, if you get what I mean. I had earned the nickname in 4th grade when Juan Lopez had popped my bra strap (my 38C bra strap…) during Arts and Crafts. Not only did I end up breaking his right arm, I smashed his shitty little Amazon diorama over his fat head. I ended up getting suspended for a month and banned from the playground for the rest of the year but the message was clear.

Do not fuck with Sonya Plum-Manoso. Not only is her dad scary, she is too. My reputation only grew as I joined the district karate team in 6th grade. Martial arts has always been a part of my life, right up there with science, music and my respect (read: obsession) for Black Widow. So, when I had demonstrated my skills by smashing through a cinderblock Julie-style, I was the go-to kid to earn victories. For three glorious years, I was left in peace to pursue my studies and just be seen as "one of the guys" from the boys brave enough to befriend me.

Everything changed when I started high school and was required to wear a uniform that fits. You know the one from the Prep School Movies: little gray skirt, white blouse, maroon cardigan and knee socks…we even have to wear black Mary Janes and a stupid little bow tie. Now, due to my Cuban roots (thanks a lot, Papi…), I'm…endowed. While my mother has modest curves, I have Curves with a capital C. My bust at the time was a 33DD (they've gotten a little bigger, unfortunately) and I have what is fondly referred to as a bubble butt. As in an Italian/Hungarian/Cuban Nicki Minaj bubble butt. Yeah…

Since then, the natives have been restless and there was a "secret" pool of who would eventually get me on my back, ankles in the air. I've had hastily scrawled notes stuck in my locker, Facebook stalkers, Tumblr stalkers, boys bringing me flowers and chocolate, and one crazy guy had even tried to strip serenade me at 3AM. Needless to say, my father opening the window with his old M-16 trained on his head without ears cut the show short. Well, **_shorter_**...

But, I digress. Main Idea: whoever this is following me today could be the latest idiot and I plan to deal with said idiot post haste. I have AP Bio to do…

Silently, I moved out to the main area and came up in front of my pursuer. While the school rules prohibited my usual taser and razor blade, they said nothing about the can of bear spray I had fished out of my messenger's bag. Quick as lightning, I kicked the guy's legs out from under him and pointed the can unwaveringly between his eyes.

"What do you want?" I demanded brusquely.

The forest green eyes widened and the boy's hands raised immediately, a gesture of surrender. When I placed the boy, I relaxed. His name is Gabriel Menendez, a recent arrival from Bogotá. His family moved to Miami over the summer and he had been in Drumline with me on Quads. He spoke very little English and was naturally quiet. The only reason I knew he could speak at all was that he counted his set steps in Spanish under his breath next to me as we performed. He had short black hair and his skin was a deep shade of mocha, reminding me of my favorite truffles. He stood at 5'9, the same as I did, and was built like a compact car, not even a bit of extraneous fat on him. Why did I know this? Gabriel had a lovely tendency to lose his shirt as rehearsals rolled on…and pour water over his head. Mmmm...did I mention that he reminds me of my favorite dessert?

"_**¿Se **__**va**__** a**__** apagar **__**mi, **__**Sonya**__**?"**_ he inquired with a small half smile. ("Are you going to douse me, Sonya?")

Clearing my throat, I put my spray back in my bag and sat down carefully in front of him.

_**"Por**__** supuesto que no**__**, **__**Gabriel**__**. **__**Pero usted debe saber **__**mejor que **__**tratar de**__** sorprender a **__**mí por **__**ahora**__**."**_, I replied with an annoyed roll of my blue eyes("Of course not, Gabriel. But you should know better than to try and sneak up on me by now.")

"_**Lo siento por**__** asombrosas que usted**__**. **__**Yo**__** no estaba tratando de **__**sorprender a **__**usted.**__** Yo estaba tratando de**__** tener el coraje**__** para pedirle que **__**baile **__**el viernes**__**."**_ ("I am sorry for startling you. I was not trying to sneak up on you. I was trying to work up the courage to ask you to the dance on Friday.")

_**"**__**¿Qué danza**__**?"**_ ("What dance?")

_**"**__**La pelota **__**otoño.**__** ¿No han **__**notado **__**los signos o **__**los anuncios**__**?"**_ ("The fall ball. Have you not noticed the signs or the announcements?")

_**"**__**En realidad no.**__** He estado muy ocupado**__** tratando de **__**ponerse al día**__** en mi **__**clase de biología.**__** Me enfermé**__** en el peor momento **__**posible. **__**El fin de la**__** tarjeta de**__** marca es **__**en menos de un**__** mes."**_ ("Not really. I have been busy trying to catch up in my biology class. I got sick at the worst possible time. The end of the card marking is in less than a month.")

_**"**__**Sonya**__**, no tienes nada **__**de qué preocuparse."**_ ("Sonya, you have nothing to worry about.")

People always said that to me when I fretted about my grades. I've been considered smart by people since 2nd grade when I was reading Langston Hughes for comprehension instead of _**See Spot Run**_. A formal IQ test placed me at 175 but I never tried to play the "child prodigy" card. I work as hard as or even harder than my classmates and I'm certainly not good at everything. Other than martial arts and marching band, I suck at sports. I'm always picked last during gym class. Math is a bitch and a half to screw with and I don't bother much with it outside of science purposes. Yet, when Gabriel said what he said, I knew he wasn't trying to kiss my ass or tear me down. He honestly thought I was capable. It was…nice.

_**"**__**Hasta que consiga**__** mi**__** boleta de calificaciones**__** con **__**buenas calificaciones**__**, me **__**voy a preocupar**__**. **__**Espera**__**... **__**¿por qué **_**me**_** preguntas**__** a la danza**__**? **__**Pensé**__** que ya**__** tendría una fecha**__**."**_ ("Until I get my report card with passing grades, I am going to worry. Wait...why are you asking _**me**_ to the dance? I figured you would already have a date.")

His cheeks took on a pinkish tinge and he looked down at his untied laces like they were the most fascinating things in the world.

"_**Quiero**__** ir**__** con usted.**__** Usted es **__**inteligente**__** y amable.**__** Tú eres mi**__** amigo que **__**le tengo confianza. **__**Me gustaría **__**que**__** mi primera **__**experiencia**__** de baile**__** americano**__** de secundaria**__** con usted."**_, he confessed softly…sweetly. ("I want to go with you. You are intelligent and kind. You are my friend that I trust. I would like to experience my first American high school dance with you.")

Wow. He considers me his friend? I didn't know that. Well, I kind of knew it. We ended up paired up a lot at Band Camp in companionable silence and we shared lunch together frequently. People didn't do that with people that they didn't consider friends. And the first thing that came to his mind about my attributes wasn't my rack but my mind. That definitely works in his favor but…

_** "**__**Bueno**__**...**__**no **__**tengo**__** un **__**boleto**__**.**__** ¿No **__**están**__** las**__** plazas **__**cubiertas**__**?"**_ I hedged. ("Well...I don't have a ticket. Aren't they sold out?")

_** "**__**Compré**__** dos**__**."**_, he replied flatly. ("I bought two.")

_** "**__**No **__**tengo**__** un **__**vestido**__**."**_ I tried again. ("I don't have a dress.")

_** "**__**Usted**__** no **__**necesita **__**uno**__**. **__**Es **__**semi-formal**__** en el gimnasio.**__** Usted**__** no tiene que**__** salir a comprar**__** algo **__**de fantasía**__**."**_ ("You don't need one. It is semi formal in the gym. You don't have to go out and buy something fancy.")

This guy had an answer for everything! Okay, then. Time to bust out the Deal Breaker…

_**"**__**Vas **__**a tener que **__**pedirle a mi**__** padre."**_ ("You're going to have to ask my father.")

_**"**__**Muy bien.**__** ¿**__**Dónde puedo**__** encontrarlo**__**?"**_ he replied as easily as he would accept an offered cookie. ("Very well. Where can I find him?")

Excuse me while I fish my jaw out of my cleavage.

_**"**__**¿**__**Usted**__**... **__**usted no **__**tiene miedo**__** de **__**enfrentarse**__** a **__**mi padre**__**? **__**Otros muchachos**__** están**__**."**_, I asked slowly. ("You...you are not afraid of facing my father? Other boys are.")

His amused aura faded into complete seriousness and I swallowed as he looked me dead in the eye.

"_**Yo no soy**__** como los otros niños**__**…Yo soy un **_**hombre**_**.**_" ("I am not like other boys. I am a _**man**_."), he declared with soft steel.

Damn right, he is. A very fine man…oh, jeez…

"_**La cena es **__**a las 6:30**__**. **__**Ya sabes **__**donde vivo **__**desde **__**la libreta de direcciones **__**banda.**_", I supplied while looking away first. ("Dinner is at 6:30. You know where I live from the band address book.")

_**"**__**Te **__**veré**__** a **__**las**__** 6:15**__**."**_ ("I will see you at 6:15.")

_**/**_

**Stephanie's POV**

"Hey, you three! I'm back from the mar…Carlos, what the hell are you doing?"

"Cleaning a shotgun." he replied cheerfully from the dining room table.

"Since when did you get a shotgun?"

"I've always had a shotgun, Babe. I just didn't bother bringing it home until _**princesa**_ decided to bring home a boyfriend."

"Papi, it's not like that!"

"He wants to take you on a date, Sonya and you invited him here to dinner." Francis Carlos pointed out between missions in Call of Duty 100...

"To the crappy school dance that I didn't even know about until today, Frankie! And I only invited him to try and scare him off! It's worked before…"

"Irrelevant and I notice that you didn't deny that it's a date!" the 14 year old volleyed back with a shit eating on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh as Sonya dropped her head in her hands. While she may look like a Manoso, she has emotions like a Plum. She may be saying that it's not a big deal but she was certainly dressed like it was a big deal. She had on a light orange v-neck top and the dark blue Gypsy skirt that she normally reserved for dancing at parties. She had let her hair down into the crazy curls she had inherited from me and her eyes were heavily shadowed. Mascara was my bravery makeup and smoky eyes were hers…

"Can I kill him?"

"No.", Carlos and I replied in unison, this conversation common.

"Please? You guys can have an open casket and everything…"

"No, he's family."

"You offer to kill Tio Lester all the time."

"And that's the answer your Abuelita always gives me. You can't kill your brother. You can go put away the groceries, though."

Sonya sighed and nodded, taking the groceries from me.

"I'll try to make him put away the gun before your boyfriend gets here!" I called into the kitchen.

"_**Mom!**_" she whined over the boys' laughter. Dropping a kiss on The Latino Gamer's head as I passed, I joined Carlos at the table. He's aged quite well. The laugh lines make him look even more distinguished and his hair's pure silver, cut to the tops of his ears. He was still rock hard in all the right places and still a horny bastard. How we only ended up with two kids is still a bit of a mystery to me. And I didn't look half bad, either. Even after 2 kids, a C-section scar, and going gray myself, I could still turn heads on the street. The only head I cared about was bowed as he expertly put the gun back together…

"Are you seriously going to keep this big honking boomstick out while he's here?"

"Yes."

I figured he'd say that but I still had to try.

"Aw, come on, Carlos. If this guy was a prick, Sonya wouldn't let him get anywhere near her and you know it."

"You can never be too careful, Babe. I remember what it's like being a 17 year old boy and all I focused on with women was how to get them naked and moaning underneath me."

"You're still like that with me, Batman."

"No. I'm open to you being on top of me."

"Uh, yeah…_**eeew**_…" Frankie groaned as he walked past us in search of a Gatorade refill.

"That's how you got here. Did you finish your algebra?" Carlos asked him.

"Yeah, dad."

"Is it right?"

"Nope!" he replied cheerfully as he returned to his game.

"If you fail Algebra, I'm going run that thing over with the Turbo."

"Noted. Oooh…Sonya's _**novio**_ is here…" he sing-songed while swaying his arms like a Kraken from the sea.

With a manic grin that would make the late great Grandma Mazur proud, Carlos cocked the gun and stood up. I shoved him gently back into his chair and watched as Sonya waited at the stairs. She was bouncing on her toes nervously and Frankie started mimicking her dramatically.

"Look, you little maniac, mom and dad said that I couldn't kill you! They said _**nothing **_about maiming!" she snarled while throwing a shoe at his head. It hit its mark and Frankie sat down in a light sulk, nursing his right temple.

The doorbell ringing made her squeak and Carlos tightened the grip on his gun as she looked at him beseechingly.

"Papi, please don't shoot him. He…he's not my boyfriend but I really like him and…just don't, okay? Not without reason…"

"Not without reason." he agreed.

I knew as soon as she opened the door that there would be no problems. Gabriel was visibly shaking as he held a bouquet of flowers and a homemade fruit tray. Sonya accepted his offerings gracefully and extended a hand to him.

"Mom, Dad, Frankie…this is Gabriel. Gabriel, _**mi familia**_…" she introduced with a Vanna White hand.

"_**Hola**_.", he greeted shyly. "_**No hablo ingles. **_N-not really…12 Gauge?"

"_**Si**__**.**_", Carlos remarked neutrally.

"Boomstick. Good for hunting…" he replied.

Carlos looked at him and then put the gun down to shake his hand.

Oh yeah. Gabriel's gonna fit right in around here…

**FIN.**


End file.
